Lethargy...

I'm becoming lethargic, slow, inactive...

Tired, as ever... Band practices, they are starting to overwhelm me? Band politics? I don't like to end up like Malaysian Politics... Getting too complicated... I know too much... am I being used?...

School work... Doubling... Exam is around the Conner...

They say ignorance is bliss, but I can't remain ignorant like that, that's too much, I can bear rejecting truth... Yet, it's so painful in the end... I wish I could forget everything sometimes... Childhood is leaving me further and further each day... Sigh...

Chinese Blog?

Chinese blog?? Am I going to write one soon? I don't know... Jia Xun keep pressing me to write one... Hard man... Chinese Star 2003... So old software, not use to it...

So now what?... Jia Xun you still want me to write it? I don't think I can do this...

NHMB Pre-show part 2.

Here I am, reporting this dreadful reality:

We were bad, just-now's show, one of the worst so far (percussion), not clean, not clear, and

For brass, I'll leave that comment for Genji...

Dynamics: not good, but still ok...

Formation itself was visible, but still there's room for improvement.

That's it I guess...

Alone again, naturally.

Take it, I can't, any longer. Lonely? Sad? Dwelling within this void again?

This void of 3 years since, cold and unfulfilled, yet knowingly I don't deserve it.

Band, band and band, a part of my life it has become, yet, can never replace this, fill this Void! As said, where one falls, one must get up in the same place, not a different place. Same here, I fallen into this void, yet, save myself I can't by getting up on another side.

Lonely? Sad? Yes and no. Just this never ending vacuum within me, sucking my emotions, as I wait for a invisible cure, not knowing what to do.

And lonely is this, as written, mood less? not even a drive within me? I loathe this feeling... Please leave me... And yet, don't leave me?... Confused again...

Such matters, so insignificant, but still so pain a pinch it is.

Is this the band it used to be?

The band, an image of discipline, of patience and co-operation, teamwork and kin-ship. Is it still like that?

We had our glory days, always ready, there to be with the band, and be the band, never skip practices without reasons, always passionate, optimistic, and willing to learn. And all this bore fruit, not futility, the experience, the memories, the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Now? Sigh... Futility...

Now the wake up call to you guys who still aren't putting effort (although I know none who reads my blog... But anyway):

Like Genji said, majority of the other states are done, and although a good number of strong bands aren't competing, namely Victoria Institution, AMC, Catholic High School, we are still far from our goal. And don't under-estimate the other bands, St. John is putting up a good fight with CG, while Jit Sin improved a lot (but still a bit boring selection of songs), Tun Fatimah is using our 2004 song, Minimally Speaking...

But still, advantages are abundant, so exploit it!!! Come on, do your best man...

Mood swings.

Foreword: As I said (to Jia Xun), I will, and is a guarantee, sooner or later write my first Chinese language Blog. But for now, not the right time.

Back to Subject:
Mood-swings.

Phenomenon, is it? Happens to any individual, human or animal, one experience that I do not enjoy.

What can make mood-swings? Many reasons. I for one, am greatly affected by, what else? Music. It is within your soul, connected, yet also a different body, a sense.

What songs? you may ask, that I'm listening to. I listen to many. But the 10 that induce great yet stirring feelings to lift my spirit are:

1) If You Leave Me Now - Chicago
Who will fill this gap? Is it too late?

2) How Deep is your Love - Bee Gees
In the mood for love? I don't think so... Just find this song soothing.

3) You'll Be in my Heart - Phill Collins
Classic, a feel good song.

4) Another Day in Paradise - Phill Collins
Reminds me to be kind, and yet, leaves me shaken with realities of the world.

5) Alone - Bee Gees
Man needs his solitude. and what better song to go with it?

6) Hard to Say I'm Sorry - Chicago
To late for regrets, too late for apologies. Think before you leap.

7) Only Time - Enya
Who can say where the road goes? Where the day flows? Only Time, only time.

8) All my Love - Cliff Richard
All that I can give, has been given.No regrets, no turning back.

9) He Lives in You - Lebo M
Remember, he lives in you, guides you, and always helps you through your hardest times.

10) I Have a Dream - ABBA (this is the original artist, not Westlife...)
I can always hope, always dream, always try, no matter what.

I recommend this few songs to you, especially "Only Time" and "I Have a Dream" if you're feeling down, it really lifts your mood.

Hong Leong, save yourself.

Hong Leong, we knew other since form 1, you were always the good boy type, never once experience peer pressure, and has since never change...

Until now! Oh my goodness, snap to your senses, Hong Leong one day and you can say 3 times "waisa"... What happen to your dignity... Not to mention that you need to put so much emphasis on that word to a point where you also had to write it out on the paper clearly, stating "waisa" for the 4th time, followed by a non-stop muttering of the milder "waisi"...

There goes his innocence...

Marching Season 2009.

It all started in December last year, we were so anxious, so exited, another beginning of a new marching season.

Now, coming back to the present... WHAT THE &%@*??? We've already come so far? That's so fast...

Discussed a few things with many of my ex-seniors lately, and also some friends, for that matter, most of the time with Jia Xun, about this years progress, to which still disappointment is apparent, no matter how small a feeling is it. Why? Because of a certain number of member's attitude. Last year, we were restricted to 4 months of practices, and what did we archive? We marched Ride, RIDE!!! non stop time signature changing, key signature tornadoes and 50 pages of fancy footwork. What about this year? We get a bunch members who keep complaining non-stop? Not that bad la, but nevertheless, still quite shameful, having a much easier selection of repertoires, and yet? what did we get? Comments about our pre-show was mostly mixed, The goods are equal with the bads, so there is nothing to brag about it yet.

But still, credit should be given to the hardworking, the loyal, the persistent, the faithful, and the ever-supportive band members, for without them, there is no band.This year is not much a difference compared to last year, there are still a large number of younger members compared to the older ones, but who are equally as capable, good job.

The colour guard is still very unstable, and although I have no experience in rifle tossing and flag trowing, I can say this: 75% of the CG members are either not sporting, or do their "job" just because they are asked to... But come on, you're the colour guards man, you're the colour of the band, the picture of our show, if you can't express it, can't feel it, then it's time you find another section to your taste. Love CG activity? Then prove it, express yourself man, just show it, dance like no one is watching, be more confident.

NHMB Pre-show 20-6-2009

20-6-2009, This it, our pre-show, just over.

And the rest will come faster than you can anticipate, which is what happens every year, right after pre-show, every thing else just flies past. NHMB, we are reaching the tipping-point of Marching Season 2009, There is no chance to rest, no chance to take a brake, either charge with every ounce of your energy, or topple and be dragged by the torrents, this isn't going to practices anymore. From today onwards, every day are rehearsals, so do your best each time. Energy ~ Spirit ~ TEAMWORK!

On the pre- show:
A moderately large crowd came and watch, most of them were ex-members and senior, some of them parents. Some band-members asked their friends and fellow classmates to attend, if I'm not mistaken, there are also students from other schools who came to witness. After some inquiries, the general comments of the ex-members are more or less the same: Still unstable, need improvement, at this rate, still not very prepared for competition. But on the overall, still a pretty good impression.

Date for district competition is still pending confirmation, State-level finals would be held on 3-7-2009 if I'm not mistaken. As for Nationals, no information yet, but don't be over-confident, there is always that chance we may not make it, so remember, you want make it? Then do your best, time to take things seriously. Other miscellaneous information is that AMC Band, who participated in the Wind Competition this year, archived consolation prize.

Is it not or is it?

Confusion, one word, that can illuminate my feelings. Of utter loss of orientation, social orientation to be specific.

So rash, a decision, made in the split second of impulsiveness.

And here I am, receiving a colourful display of signals, to which sadly, I do not understand. I do not understand what I am thinking, what people are thinking, and with most regret, what you are thinking? I ask myself.

But I wish not to portray this as a thing I write with regret. But rather, it's just a need to spill the beans that are overflowing my head. Instead of leaving a physical mess, I just hope that it will remain in a dimension of thoughts alone. Thus, I am still anticipating.

And with most gratitude I must give to wondrous sound, of vibrant colours, who I must say help me through this hardship, I have had to experience.

All but Infatuation?

Notorious, shameful, unwanted, yet, unavoidable, is this? What of such emotions, exist in such merciless world, should become, as man have known, 'Infatuation'?, as described vividly, by many: a state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.

Yet, I am, and always will be, of human, and experiencing teenage hood. But to be as thus, in this state, well informed of this plague, knowing it's existence, but till the end, equally defenceless, as I fall with ignorance, into such traps?

Willingly I can lose my awareness of reality, allowing pure insanity to engulf me, swallow me whole? But I will not care, for where men's fate lies, lies in providence. Nevertheless, I can never but shun in the shame of rejection? Is it not? Am I suppose to not think in such a way? But instincts, is so weak in humans, yet still ever striking when sought. So will it be of the past, time that heals? Will it just be misunderstanding, things we should have laugh? I do hope so, and so it goes on.

But no! I don't want to accept such futile solutions, I want to see the light in my doings, not wanting to submit to such awful consequences, for I believe it is genuine, for in me, I can feel, warm. I want to embrace what can be a chance of happiness, for still, passion lies within me! I will step forth, fight for truth, fight for time, fight for what I believe? And still, there is always emotions to rely. I want embrace this cliff of possibilities, explore the world with a leap, but to fly, or fall, I may never know, until I jump. Jump with hopes, as fragile as thin glasses, yet, so full of expectations. And fall, fall, fall that I went, crying to no one's ears.

For where mistakes are made, where men will never be perfect, thus, must apologies be said, for if sorry is what that is needed to be said, sorry I will say.

Law of Time

The first law of time - Time will always be slow when you want it to be fast, and fast when you want it to be slow.

The second law of time - Time accelerates as you grow older.

The third law of time - Time can heal most wounds, but deal most damages as well.

The fourth law of time - Time will always play it's trick on you when you are most vulnerable.

The fifth law of time - Time is a good friend, but a bad enemy too.

The sixth and final law of time - Time can never be mastered.

Report on KL - as observed as a Sitiawaner.

Report - June 4th - 9th 2009.

4th June, 9:30am. Landed on KL grounds, no sight of any strange beings, but manage to observe a great number of sentient organism similar to me. Took refuge in a kind indigenous lady's habitat.

5th june, 10:00am. I was taken to the indigenous lady's old habitat in a place known to the locals as "Segamat". She claims that she will bring me to witness a Celebration to celebrate the unity of 50 years between 2 people, known as couples by the locals. This particular event involved the indigenous lady's parents. 8:30pm, I was taken to a den called a "restaurant". There, the people inhabiting this "restaurant" brought out all sorts of strange looking dead plants and animals on flat round disk-like objects, which would later be consumed. They also brought out funny coloured liquid. The locals drink black, white, orange, brown and yellow liquid variations, some even mixed between the different liquids.

6th June, 11:30am. I was asked to attend this "Family Photo Section" as the locals call it. I was asked to stare and smile at a small cuboid gadget while it flashes and makes a strange "ke-cha" sound. For what reasons, I do not know, for I have yet to find out what this gadget will yield. However, I manage to find out the name of this gadget, called "camera" by the locals. 12:30pm, the whole battalion of the inhabitants of the habitat I was stationed in went to yet another "restaurant", this one bigger than the previous, but in the end, it's the same scenario as the previous.

7th June, 9:00am, returning to original area of observation, KL. Rested most of the day due to exhaustion from the extensive travelling, except when the indigenous lady brought me to a place known as "Sunway Pyramid" to "buy some stuff" as she said it.

8th June, 10:30am. Indigenous race introduced me to a form of entertainment. This device, known as the "Nintendo GameCube" creates images on another device "TV" and the images can be controlled via a Controller similar to the "Joy-stick" that I studied earlier.

9th June. 5:45am. Ready to leave KL. Packed and ready the day before. 9:30am, back home safe in Sitiawan.

I.D.I.O.T. part 3

Gearing towards full drumming pursuit, Intensive Drum informative Observation & Training.

The ultimate training tool for any drummer, It is hosted by Junt during the first week of the school holidays. Junt comes from Thailand, having marched in a DCI team, graduated from music school... bla bla bla... I can skip this part, everybody knows his history by now.

So to speak, he is here in Nan Hwa for the third time since the start of our 2009 programme. The sweat and bone aches... Wind players, I don't mean to be rude, but, I'd say you don't have the right to feel tired... haha...

On more personal matters I'd like to talk about in this blog:

I am unofficially "married" to Steph now, but unfortunately unable to organize the wedding dinner, so don't come asking me to organize one... On the other hand, Ang Pows are always welcomed, thank you. XD.

P.S. Don't take me seriously, due to the side effects of over-training, I tend to lose my sanity, haha.