Stay The Night
It's not a new song, although the emotions it evokes feel just as fresh. 2012 doesn't feel that long ago, really, yet to put it in perspective, it's been 7 years.
So what does the song remind me of?
The final month with her, reckless abandon and all.
It's not quite the same kind of melancholy as compared to the initial months post break-up, but it nonetheless toys with my recent doubts pertaining to the whole US studies endeavour.
Just simply hinging on this doubt was enough to trigger a whole host of buried ambivalent thoughts about that final month, the madness of it all.
Yet the song captures that bittersweet experience with simple words.
Music, a double-edged sword.
Alas.
...
Terrorism in New Zealand
The mosque shooting in Christchurch.
'Tis madness, a senseless agenda with a tragic ending.
I lament for the lives lost. A man greeting "Salam brother" to another with open arms, only to be shot... It's just... Tragic.
This doesn't affect me directly, yet it pains me that someone can be so full of hate to see sense in murder.
Alas.
Sunday, March 17, 2019
Monday, March 11, 2019
Postings from Airports
Sky Harbor:
Contemplation on my recent melancholy
As I write this entry, I await for my turn to board my flight to Houston. I'll be going to visit my uncle who lives there for the spring break weekend, he has insisted I drop by a few times now, and I'm finally acting on that invitation.
There will be one important conversation to be had during that trip. I may need to ask for a loan from him to continue my studies here beyond my second year.
I'm beginning to feel the doubts creep in, the anxiety that encroaches around my decision to come to the U.S. in the first place, and the issue of face (which admittedly is a little petty, but it is never a pleasant thing to ask so much of someone with no certainty that I can repay them, at least not as soon as I'd have liked).
It all ties back to her, more than I'd like to admit. I had thought that my resolve to continue my studies despite the break up was at this point steadfast and self-sufficient.
If my recent moodiness is any indicator, I may be mistaken. Somehow whenever I fall into my brooding episodes, she suddenly comes to the forefront of my thoughts, and I'd think to myself all over again, 'you messed up big time. Got yourself into a huge student debt and you're not even sure if you're doing it for yourself... Will your interest in the subject alone carry you through this? Even if you ace this, are the odds in your favour that you'd get a good gig here long-term?'
And the cacophony of ill thoughts will persist from there, cascading down the endless abyss of my despair.
Hopefully my future is brighter than my thoughts.
...
George Bush International:
A reflection after rest and respite
Now I write while awaiting for my flight back to Phoenix, thought I'd pen down some reflections after what was a thoroughly enjoyable holiday in Houston with my uncle and aunt.
To say the least, I didn't even realise how much I'd get out of these few days of recreation, my uncle saw to it that I'd get the most out of my few days of visit despite his gout in his right ankle.
The highlights of the trip were definitely my visits to the Johnson Space Center (NASA) and Houston Museum of Natural Science, a treat to the childlike part of my curiosity for space exploration and dinosaurs. Oh, and I definitely can't miss out on mentioning how the food here is great! BBQ, Tex-Mex, Dim Sum, and Phở, to name a few.
It is with a heavy heart that I leave this place. So much left to see, I'll definitely want to make another trip in the near future, maybe I'll get to meet my cousin and his family the next time around.
Of course, I'll have to mention the one solemn aspect of the trip. I finally had the discussion of the loan with my uncle. He was definitely very gracious about the whole discussion, but the reality is that I am still asking a lot out of it.
I guess in the end, I really want to talk to someone about this. The burden that comes with this endeavour, the underlying complicated feelings I have coming from how this whole undertaking is related to my previous relationship, even despite the amount of work that I've put into detaching myself from it... The worries and anxiety about this whole episode in my life.
Ah well, we'll see.
In the mean time, I am content for now. 'Twas a good rest.
Here's to more good times ahead.
Contemplation on my recent melancholy
As I write this entry, I await for my turn to board my flight to Houston. I'll be going to visit my uncle who lives there for the spring break weekend, he has insisted I drop by a few times now, and I'm finally acting on that invitation.
There will be one important conversation to be had during that trip. I may need to ask for a loan from him to continue my studies here beyond my second year.
I'm beginning to feel the doubts creep in, the anxiety that encroaches around my decision to come to the U.S. in the first place, and the issue of face (which admittedly is a little petty, but it is never a pleasant thing to ask so much of someone with no certainty that I can repay them, at least not as soon as I'd have liked).
It all ties back to her, more than I'd like to admit. I had thought that my resolve to continue my studies despite the break up was at this point steadfast and self-sufficient.
If my recent moodiness is any indicator, I may be mistaken. Somehow whenever I fall into my brooding episodes, she suddenly comes to the forefront of my thoughts, and I'd think to myself all over again, 'you messed up big time. Got yourself into a huge student debt and you're not even sure if you're doing it for yourself... Will your interest in the subject alone carry you through this? Even if you ace this, are the odds in your favour that you'd get a good gig here long-term?'
And the cacophony of ill thoughts will persist from there, cascading down the endless abyss of my despair.
Hopefully my future is brighter than my thoughts.
...
George Bush International:
A reflection after rest and respite
Now I write while awaiting for my flight back to Phoenix, thought I'd pen down some reflections after what was a thoroughly enjoyable holiday in Houston with my uncle and aunt.
To say the least, I didn't even realise how much I'd get out of these few days of recreation, my uncle saw to it that I'd get the most out of my few days of visit despite his gout in his right ankle.
The highlights of the trip were definitely my visits to the Johnson Space Center (NASA) and Houston Museum of Natural Science, a treat to the childlike part of my curiosity for space exploration and dinosaurs. Oh, and I definitely can't miss out on mentioning how the food here is great! BBQ, Tex-Mex, Dim Sum, and Phở, to name a few.
It is with a heavy heart that I leave this place. So much left to see, I'll definitely want to make another trip in the near future, maybe I'll get to meet my cousin and his family the next time around.
Of course, I'll have to mention the one solemn aspect of the trip. I finally had the discussion of the loan with my uncle. He was definitely very gracious about the whole discussion, but the reality is that I am still asking a lot out of it.
I guess in the end, I really want to talk to someone about this. The burden that comes with this endeavour, the underlying complicated feelings I have coming from how this whole undertaking is related to my previous relationship, even despite the amount of work that I've put into detaching myself from it... The worries and anxiety about this whole episode in my life.
Ah well, we'll see.
In the mean time, I am content for now. 'Twas a good rest.
Here's to more good times ahead.
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