Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Postings from the 18th floor: 1 year anniversary.

Exactly 1 year ago, I posted for the 1st time from my condo in Titiwangsa. So much has happened in what seems to be a mere 365 days. Good things, odd things, bad things, all that and more.

The new semester in college has proven to be a bigger race than ever since coming back. The mounting pressure to balance between being a performer, an arranger and production personnel is beginning to take a toll on me, since Live Sound classes begin this semester. Unfortunately for me, the way my degree programme goes requires me to be good at all 3... Alas...

Things have become quite well though nevertheless, so much more music to work with, while ever needing to keep my cockiness in check. Yes I admit, I'm letting improvements get the better of me, but I despise those moments later when I begin to realise how my attitude might begin to irk people.

I did my 1st open-mic gig yesterday at The Bee in Publika yesterday with a few of my college mates and a friend from HELP. 2 songs, 1 prepared, the other improvised, but it turned out all not too bad, had quite a bit of fun back there.

But so far, I'm happy to get back to college. It's always better than having nothing to do over the holidays. I really do enjoy practising alone, still do, although I'm not exactly very disciplined with my practice methodology. Nevertheless, it has been good to be back.

All is well so far yes, although I have admit, there's just this lingering feeling like I scarred a friend of mine, by ways of words. Can I move on? Hopefully.

So, I will hope for good days ahead in this dull city. Till then.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

I slipped.

To think of it, I had no good reasons to call other than the fact that I am confused the past few days.

It didn't help that I watched Les Miserables, nope, and it didn't help that I read Shingeki No Kyojin. Those 2 worked like a catalyst to my feelings.

I admit, I felt guilty that I have feelings so soon. I thought maybe by calling you and implying to you how things have become might just allow me to attain catharsis, maybe you'd move on and won't respond with any emotional retaliation to my thoughts.

But I guess that was just wishful thinking. Knowing you, you won't offer said support, knowing you, you won't hold back lashing out to me. And I don't question why, it's only normal that you feel that way, after all I am the bigger traitor in this picture.

Nevertheless, there's a small part of me wishing that I hadn't let my tongue slipped. The thought that maybe you not knowing so soon or at all; whether it would be a better choice; still lingers in my mind.

So tell me if you will, given that I can't change what's happening, would you rather have not known this instead?

Like old times.

Maybe it's just like old times, I stumble and fall.

I'd look for you, often I'd share with you my thoughts and desires, you liked not but you'd listen anyway.

Maybe I thought we'd move on, so I wasn't guarding my tongue, wasn't guarding my heart.

This time didn't felt that different... Guess that keeping it to myself isn't comfortable.

Maybe, I thought maybe... It was like old times?