Monday, December 27, 2010

What shall I do at 1760m above sea-level?

Genting trip this Wednesday with the band. Last time this year to hang around with most of my form 5 buddies.

Looking forward to it much, yet all the same am hoping it doesn't come too quickly. What shall I do during that time.

I was thinking of spending time with you, maybe the outdoor park? Although not all too suitable, but trust me, my friends will probably try avoiding me and ask me to go with you instead. But I'll see how it all goes first.

But come night time, ha ha ha. We won't sleep, and I'm bringing coffee to keep me awake. Gonna yumcha with my bunch until the break of dawn. And if the restaurant management chase us out, we gonna go and have hotel gathering, muahahaha.

And soon after, it will be National Service. Gonna build up some stamina and perseverance.

I just hope it goes well, somewhat yearning to meet up soon, really dreading your absence more and more.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Passing out 2010 "乐一晚".

Yes, despite not wanting to face the end, my final performance as a member of the Nan Hwa Marching Band came to an end 2 nights past. I came in the band room with nothing, but I left with so much, it would take me a lifetime to impart that amount of experience to others.

My friends, brothers and sisters in heart. The batch I am with is indeed a blessed one. I marched with them through sun and rain, through sweat and blood. Into unfamiliar places facing a common problem, a common hope, a common dream. I had live it through with them.

And passing out was no different, I had one hope that I believe is the same with the rest. Make music, make it good, and make it memorable.

Videos were shown, although I got the feeling only a handful of people enjoyed it. Nevertheless, seeing the many people acknowledging our dedication and contribution to the band, it was all good enough.

Passing out passed as fast as it came. We went McDonald's to have the post-event celebration. Percussion age-outs were then finally given their present. No easy task to unwrap it all, mine had easily 50 layers of wrapping. Hui Ming and Huei Su's ones are worse, they had cello-tape wrapped around several layers compared to mine, which were all papers, Hui Bao was easiest, just 2 layers. Well, when I finally reached the present, it was a friggin' piece of nougat, and a message telling me my real present is in the car... Well? Nevertheless, it was enjoyable.

And we went to Marina Island at 1. Quiet, cool and serene, good time to sleep. And I walked around and stare at the sea. Many things ran-through my mind, many many things.

And I was about to leave, until you said you're coming, and I waited, and came you did.

We talked, not much. It was a lovely evening actually, and I actually enjoyed the company. But it was a bit awkward. But the moon was really round, real darn round. And my hormones were raging. It didn't felt like me talking, yet it was more like I was talking to myself. Still, a warm hand, a cold hand. A warm heart, a cold heart. Maybe we can pull through.

I'll remember this night, 张韵璇.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Time of the coming of Grace.

Rejoice, be at peace and run around jolly and frolic. Christmas comes around the corner. Passing out comes in 1 day, and I will graduate from the band. Thinking back of my past self, the clueless little boy in form 1, running around the band room with my trumpet in hand... Time comes and goes so quickly.

And rejoice that the coming of Christ happened 2010 years ago, the coming of Grace and Salvation. And that man will rest in his grasp that all sins may be forgiven.

But not to forget death lingers. The sad passing of my neighbour uncle wasn't exactly timely, but ultimately, he fought hard against cancer, and this may be a good thing instead.

Then we come to pass the time when I will leave, not on the 23rd, but the 22nd. Alas I do not stay here longer, but I will come back soon enough. 2011, many the plans I have ado, but we move on.

The time will come where you will realize a passing desire and passion, will just be a passing. And so I will be a passing passion of the band, passing out, here I come. (Another RM50 photo to take...)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

More than a word.

I've been through this feeling much too often in the past. Often I'll dismiss it as passing infatuation. I'll say that it is my inner temptation to flirt and seek attention that is masked by this feeling of innocence. It isn't that simple.

I've been through 3 rejected relations, each subsequent one making me feel more insecure in the sense that I'm not being me. Each subsequent one leaves me wondering whether if any one of it were to be serious, will I actually stay on? I was always choked by my thoughts whenever I tried to put them into words, every I time speak to any of them. I changed because I thought I needed to change, when indeed, it is the former me that I truly enjoy being when around them.

And comes you who surprised me so much with that slap of 3 words. Love is too strong a word for now, it's more than a word. But it is this that shaken me so much in a way, daring, unconfined thoughts into words.

And I feel a bit guilty for feeling the same. And yet, it is also this time I feel it may work out. Just give me time, let me get past my old feelings and thoughts.

But for now, it is Christmas, and passing out is my priority, it has always been my priority for year-end since 2008.

Like, not love... Yet.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Justification of curiousity.

It started off with a simple guessing game.

It ended up as a revelation.

How will I tell you what I really feel?

How will this eventually go on?

Frankly it won't last, I know all too well.

Frankly it all is just temporary, it happens every time.

But for love it's worth a try.

But for love many men will die.

Take on me.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


End of SPM, it brings a lot of meaning to it.

It means the end of my secondary education life. The living ways of that life I knew 5 years ago is fading. Remember the times where even 5 minutes out of the class was like haven as much as it was suicide. The times where I actually was so scared of being reprimanded by the teachers. No more.

It means the departure of many of my friends where for no reason I can just call out their name whenever we meet as if we known each other for 10 years, when in reality we barely know each other. It won't be the same, when we meet a year later, either of us will potentially forget even knowing one another.

Gone is the childish atmosphere, the good ol' I don't care about the world attitude. We are moving into a very dark and dangerous reality... The thought of it is frightening, but life goes on.

And we will finally stand against the test of time, the real deal.