Saturday, December 18, 2010

More than a word.

I've been through this feeling much too often in the past. Often I'll dismiss it as passing infatuation. I'll say that it is my inner temptation to flirt and seek attention that is masked by this feeling of innocence. It isn't that simple.

I've been through 3 rejected relations, each subsequent one making me feel more insecure in the sense that I'm not being me. Each subsequent one leaves me wondering whether if any one of it were to be serious, will I actually stay on? I was always choked by my thoughts whenever I tried to put them into words, every I time speak to any of them. I changed because I thought I needed to change, when indeed, it is the former me that I truly enjoy being when around them.

And comes you who surprised me so much with that slap of 3 words. Love is too strong a word for now, it's more than a word. But it is this that shaken me so much in a way, daring, unconfined thoughts into words.

And I feel a bit guilty for feeling the same. And yet, it is also this time I feel it may work out. Just give me time, let me get past my old feelings and thoughts.

But for now, it is Christmas, and passing out is my priority, it has always been my priority for year-end since 2008.

Like, not love... Yet.

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