Curious want.

Listening to Pink Floyd while I write this blog makes me feel kind of like taking a weird road trip to my emotions. I am currently writing with little to no consideration to my thoughts, rather I write just spilling emotions.

What's the feeling of this want? I guess I want to complete certain things in life, and to begin with, certain things by this Thursday, namely my P.I. exams and assignment submissions.

Ah, assignment this time is not so nice to me. Malaysian music history, nice to know, just not so nice when you need to research.

I always space out each time Time reaches its chorus. Probably my favourite piece from this whole tribute, I am now in want for more... And I'm not even playing. Some part of me is actually quite regretful for not auditioning this semester's tribute, truly it is one of te best I've seen...

I am in want... Yet I should not be in want...

"And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you."

 That is one of the most haunting set of lyrics that I've ever heard in my life... Because it's true... And it's happening...

Truly, I doubt I will get.

Lick Hung 6D/2005 Gathering @ Sunway Pyramid 30/7/2011

2 years without much activity or update from the group. Yet early this month, out of the blues someone suggested someone should organize a reunion. And so the call for such person brought about Jun Wei to handle the task voluntarily. Soon it was decided that we'd meet at Sunway on this faithful Saturday.

Ah, recalling that sweet meeting back 2 years ago, 6 years without contact, yet to meet again, nostalgia. Today, a small group of 7 (much like the one 2 years past) but mostly of whom I haven't met for 8 years since. There was the organiser herself, Jun Wei, Nicholas, Yong Hao, Kai Xian and Yi Wen. The names still ring in my head XD.

Waiting in front of Starbucks at the old wing at 12:30pm, I met up with Carl Lyn 1st, met her back 2 years ago, chatted a bit about studies and stuff, and then came the rest not long after. Sweet reunion~ Small group, yet it was fun to try and recall each other, how we looked like, how different we are, what are we doing and stuff like that.

We went to RedBox for karaoke as planned. English songs for the win! Sang a hearty number of songs that I actually knew! Rolling in the Deep~ Sang for 3 hours. @.@ And boy I vocal chords are strained.

After that, we went for some ice creams, and walked around randomly. Chatted on the way, talked about old time experiences, remembering the old time silliness of ourselves, good old immaturity. But me and the guys? We were talking about those good ol' table games we played during free period back in class.

Found a place to sit thanks to Carl Lyn, who dashed for the empty bench like a sprinter. People cheered for her when she reached it, haha. It was a funny moment indeed. And you know what cam after? DSLR-spam!

But yeah the day passed pretty quickly. We spent our remaining time at the main entrance, slowly seeing one by one go off. I was a kid, a young boy in blue pants ad white shirt. Looking at us now, we're mostly in college pursuing one dream or another. 3 engineers in the making, another doing arts and design. Yeah, times flies.

Looking forward to the next meet, expected to be this year end, and of course, the photos from just now. :x

Clocks.

Remember those times where I always told my juniors, nay, nagged my juniors on the importance of groove, playing at the flow of the music, putting an edge, that oomph into our playing as a drummer... Guess what? I am being told the EXACT SAME things right now by my private instructor...

That pride of me still there... I should tear it down by now. It's hard to admit you're the worst drummer in your batch. I couldn't even play a simple song such as that our lecturer gave us in our performance lab class... "Clocks" by Coldplay, so happen to be my recent favourite band. But I guess I'll put effort, learn through the days...

Another day, another song I learn... By the end of the year, I think my playlist will expand to a point where it reaches 600-700, which is 2x my current playlist.

Wish me luck.

May fly.

So I'm moving into the 5th month since graduating from high school. What can I say now?

Preparing my audition materials... Again another rush job by me... Gotta get it done by the end of the month... ICOM auditions are actually on the 7th of May. But I'm going for the alternate method...

VIDEO AUDITION

I wonder though... Who will be wiling to lend me their video camera to me?...

Driving is... Going smoothly so far, I can only hope to be better in the coming rounds.

So my prediction? May will fly like nobody's business. Yeah, and I'll be leaving Sitiawan for good soon.

May come flying, every year.

Backword.

End of SPM, it brings a lot of meaning to it.

It means the end of my secondary education life. The living ways of that life I knew 5 years ago is fading. Remember the times where even 5 minutes out of the class was like haven as much as it was suicide. The times where I actually was so scared of being reprimanded by the teachers. No more.

It means the departure of many of my friends where for no reason I can just call out their name whenever we meet as if we known each other for 10 years, when in reality we barely know each other. It won't be the same, when we meet a year later, either of us will potentially forget even knowing one another.

Gone is the childish atmosphere, the good ol' I don't care about the world attitude. We are moving into a very dark and dangerous reality... The thought of it is frightening, but life goes on.

And we will finally stand against the test of time, the real deal.

Searching for Sesame Street.

Sunny days sweeping the clouds away, on my way to where the air is sweet, can you tell me how to get~ how to get to Sesame Street.

We all have that place in our mind, everything is ideal, just the way we feel comfortable with, the days are beautiful and sweet, nothing can go wrong, that Sesame Street, a place where it isn't perfect, yet it is everything we wanted to have.

For me, Nan Hwa is that place, and it isn't perfect, neither is it ideal for everyone. But to me, it means the world to me.

Having graduated so soon, I think back how the 5 years went by so quickly. Facing SPM is becoming more and more numb, for I am at the tip of the iceberg of what will come, grim reality.

So when I am out there fighting for dear life to survive, remind that I have a Sesame Street to look forward to.

What's in a day?

Waking up this morning felt different, I finally snapped back into reality. The urge to study has finally overwhelm me, after 10 years in schooling life, this is my 1st time feeling so keen on knowledge.

Going to school, eyes wide open, not falling back to sleep... I suddenly feel prepared for my first and final encounter with SPM, 49 days away from me.

Looking back 10 years past, I see that lazy incompetent me become what I am today, call me vain, but I can't help but feel rather satisfied with where I stand today.

I know flaws still abound me, but life is a polishing process. I seek knowledge, but I too hope in humility.

Sitiawan, my abode for 5 years, and my home for years to come. Learning, growing and living here feels nothing like what I lived before coming to this humble little town. Sadly, I leave for Selangor next year, and I seek to finish off my final days in glory.

Peace be with us, hopes aplenty.

Final days sitting on the fence.

Months of August and September passed with no more than 4 updates from me. My target to write constantly was broken last two months.

Moving forward, while looking back, 5 years. 5 YEARS. Although short considering the human lifespan being around 75-85, yet if you think in this way, 356 days are a heck load of time to get pass. Or so I thought...

Again I cannot help but emphasize on the fact time just is and will always be too fast. 5 Years in secondary school is just too little time in the limelight. The immense experience, friends, joys and tears, in this short of 5 years, now reaching its climax.

I sit on the fence during this few final days, not knowing where I want to stand, that illusive image of having a music career is running away further and further. Should I actually go for performance or technical? It's so puzzling for me now.

Not just that, I'm also in a great state of confusion. A moment I see the glass as half full, then the next I see it as half empty. My want for study is always on a swing, coming back with full force only to go away yet again.

Final days, sitting on this fence looking around me for decisions. We all will face this dilemma eventually, and right after SPM, things will only get worse.

And the day I say goodbye to Nan Hwa will soon come.

The last stand.

"Well if it ain't hurt, it ain't real"

SPM trials, it hurts badly. Yet why am I still here playing Left4Dead 2? I guess you could say I'm somewhat hook to it. But playing for 2 hours with over 3000+ zombies (infected, undead, what ever you call them) brains flying all over my monitor screen... Well, I guess you can call it guilty pleasure.

I know very well that after Monday, time's gonna sprint his ass off before I could do anything. We all gonna need to meet up with our future somehow, it's just bout' doing the right thing and not regret.

Pardon my sudden southern accent writting style. Been playing too L4D...

And then we move to band, what blog update from me this days doesn't include band? Well, to say the least, drum battle is around 50% done, good thing we've manage to have 3 solid show ideas, now only part 4 is left clueless, and the remaining 3 parts need a clean-up job.

What happen this morning? I became a piano-playing light bulb. Knocked into 2 lovebirds behind the hall. Man they got some serious stamina, staying back for nearly 3 hours after practice time to talk about so and so and so (Cola tin-can??)... Well, my apologies to you love birds, guess I couldn't resist the urge to play the piano, not to mention horribly, truly sorry y'all (Oh my, L4D accent again...)

And so, the last stand is here. I'm just greatly thankful that my mum said this, 'Son, I've known you long enough to tell that you are troubling between band and trials. And I know you can never concentrate when you have to worry about both. Might as well do your best in Thailand son, I know your focusing capacity, so might as well pick your passion since you're going to represent Malaysia, just promise me you'll do better during the real thing (SPM)'...

Love you lot's mum!

Well, like I said, this is our final stand, not too soon, I'll be in tunic 1 again, receiving my merit award for 5 years worth of service to the school band. Sweetness~

And so to conclude: Good faith in you all my brethren, do well in SPM, PMR and finals.

PS. I got inspiration to write this way after reading Rachel's blog, a bit more spontaneous with more reference to real life, well I guess I should give some credit to her.

Last day of June.

It's scary how fast time pass. It was as if yesterday was New Year...

SPM is nearing. I can't help but feel barely ready for the exam.

Deliver us! From this wait alone I am already tormented...

Read somewhere that human will be extinct in 100 years time. There never was a "The end of the World", rather, it always was "End of human beings".

Things to look forward to? The end of all torments, the start for enlightenment.

Always with me.

We're reaching the end of, the intensive training camp we all anticipated. All that has been done, all that has passed, will always be with me in memory.

That can be said to the past memories of my childhood, my teen hood, the band life, school life, family life, I can say, it will all stay with me in memory, always with me.

Such joy in this, that I can keep and treasure all this moments... It has been a long way, a long journey, that I had taken, and as I write this, I am standing at the brink of one chapter of my life, so let me savour every last drop of this sands of time.

And all in all, my greatest wish and joys is for that of my juniors to feel it the same way as I do. Let it be this, the legacy, the memory, the namesake, let it be always with me.

Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 3.

The closing chapter of the trilogy in my past. Basically it's just two years back, not too hard to recall.

And so I entered morning session. Waking up at 6:20am due excitement to get back to school. Year 2008 would mark much of my change in attitude, thinking and appearance. I daresay I learnt a lot of valuable lessons back then.

Friendships endure through trials and triumphs, let that statement be true in the future. I had the blessing of strengthening bonds with my pals, along with getting to know a lot more people. School life was blissful. It was PMR that year, yet we felt no pressure. I miss that.

Band life was at its peak. It was my 1st year I competed, a year after Nan Hwa Band remained silent and inactive. I was naive then, thinking that band was a bed of roses, which I will come to realise soon that it is not. Nevertheless, I was in a lucky year. Despite all the form 5's fears that year, along with many of those ex-members, we manage to grab back the title of Perak champion and go on to the national level. Even beyond national level, we went on to international level. What a year, all those experience.

All those smiles and laughter, sweat and tears, even blood. I remembered the time where we form 3 boys went out together for a hair-cut, and soon we were all botak, all that sacrifice in the name of band.

And in school we had an equal amount of crazy things to talk about. I remembered the few weeks before PMR, while those few kiasu people skipped school, we relaxing kakis always came up with crazy games to play since the teachers weren't teaching.

The it came, the end of PMR, where it also mark the departure of our dear friend Jien Win to leave to Australia... Not forgetting he manage to have his passing out... And soon 2009.

Which goes on with the immense pressure of form 4, although it gave me hell academically, it also gave me a haven in friends. Going on with 4SA, I was blessed with 5 classmates from 2008 to be with, that is Jia Xun, Hong Leong, Lianne, Shin Yun and Teck Hooi. Haha, the time of the life we had in form 4, especially Lianne and Shin Yun, always doing crazy stuff.

And band life goes without saying, the start of which is a year I learnt a lot about defeat and failure, and how to cope with it. But let's not forget the wonderful Valentines Day concert, which we can all think back, smile and give a pat behind our back.

And then competition. We got 3rd placing. So what? I ask myself nowadays. But it wasn't like that back then. I was hot and quick to judge, and said a few things I shouldn't have said, but what's done is done, so no point looking back. I learnt the importance of self victory as the real victory that year. And I can say, I was as happy as I can be that night eventually when I realised, we defeated ourselves. And it is true to the saying, arrogance is a man's downfall. Let it be the lesson not just for us, but also for all. And not all is lost, last year's passing out was really a highlight.

And thus, time flies... Right now, I write this post as a form 5 already in the middle of the year. SPM is near, many things are near. Alas, all I can do is pray.

Thus marks the end of my 3 part flashback. And so, I hope you aren't bored to death yet, but I find this post more personal than public, so if you don't understand, it's normal.

Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 2.

Part 2 of this trilogy to begin with, is actually a very crucial part of my life.

Upper primary. I usually won't be so detailed in that part of my life, but here's the story: My father retired from his company of which he worked a good 30 years because of old-age. Thankfully, he got a job offer from a relative to work in Kangar, Perlis, the very tip of the northern region.

It was a bittersweet move. I was happy I can finally detach from Urban lifestyle. I was going back to nature. Truly the journey to Kangar was one where I gained back my confidence. There, I got good grades (The standard there is low no doubt), had many friends, learned many important things in life. The air was fresh, the waters clean, the mountains so green, it really was like the serene island of Robinson Crusoe.

I will not forget the day where during music lesson, our teacher taught us the song "I have a dream". Truly, after I sang my heart's content, I finally had a dream. I suddenly felt firm grip in my life, a feeling of content and target. It was there I discovered me as who I am.

Then it came to the part where we had to leave again, because of my father's job. It was Ayer Tawar this time. There, I learned basically all about street-wise skills. The neighbourhood isn't exactly friendly, but you'd learn to come by.

There was the time where I had female tendencies. Back there, all the boys were the tough type (or at least in the class I was in). I was again in some way an outcast sometimes. What to do? Mix with the girls. Well, still it's a lesson there I learned

And then comes Nan Hwa, form 1, moved to Sitiawan due to convenience. It was here I met friends, friends that I hope will stay until I die. The 1st day I entered that class, I can frank at this, but I straight away fell for Shin Yun (pardon me, I just had to write this...). And so? Still with my girl-mixing tendencies, we chatted, payed a bit of paper games, bla bla...

And soon, I came to meet Jien Win, our dear friend who now is in Australia. Through him I finally got rid of my "niang" tendencies and mixed with the boys (Finally...). During that time, I also befriended Hong Leong, then timid and soft-spoken, unlike now, boasting a strong confidence and never failing to smile. Jia Xun? We still were aliens to each other. Teck Hooi, good friend too. Lianne? Who's that monkey there at the corner? XD So many others...

We had laughs, joys and everything. I still remember the time we painted the front wall of our classroom. I painted the Saxophone XD, yeah, it was band class. Speaking of which, in band, I too got to know Hai Teng, David, Hing Hock and Swee Kai. Trumpet rulez~ Until I switched to percussion T_T...

Form 2? Had the same amount of fun. Got the opportunity to know more of them classmates. By then I got to know more of the girls which I sort of shy away eventually during the 1st year. And there was Basil and Leon, we 3 the English speaking musketeers in class (Wait, there's still Jien Win...). Yup, those were the days... No pressure, only fun. Got to know Jia Xun a bit by then, and also a lot of other band mates.

That was the crucial part of my life, and it will continue with my maturing in the final instalment of this journey to my past trilogy: Morning secondary up till the recent past.

Disclaimer: Sources come solely from my mind and thoughts, so accuracy is not at the very least reliable. But still, it's a recount.

Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 1.

It was a blissful morning that came, my 1st day in primary school. It was there, I learn: Nothing... 1st day of school also want to study ah? Goodness me! But education will become the one thing I'll dread from that day onward...

It wasn't a pleasant school life for me during the first 4 years in primary. Think of the life in depression and books, nothing much to look forward to, dead. After school, mum will usually take me to lunch, then back home? Homework, piles of them. Don't do em'? Get canned by teacher. But I somehow always get canned anyway. Then there are the weekends, where mum will bring me to do the weekly shopping in one of the local malls. Yeah. that's KL lifestyle.

Out-of-school activities? I joined Self-defense at one point. Art classes too. Why I didn't pick music? Didn't had the spark for it that time maybe. I remember going to Sunday school regularly at one point. Those were the good days in my spiritual realization.

In the past, I seem to care very little about exam. Thank goodness I do! If not, I'd be insane now, all that pressure. I miss my ignorance and innocence.

And there is that thinking that everyday is bright and joyful... I still yearn that feeling, longing to live in the past. But then I could not ignore that wise saying, Men who live in the past, will be lost in the future.

Will I forget the gluttony and stupidity I had then? No, I too have to acknowledge that I was once a man full of flaw, and still I am. But nevertheless, being awaken from that stupor is a blessing indeed. Not forgetting that I am somewhat an outcast in my own thinking?

That was primary, quite a blur part of my past. The trilogy to be continued: upper primary and lower secondary part of my life.

Disclaimer: Sources come solely from my mind and thoughts, so accuracy is not at the very least reliable. But still, it's a recount.

Further progress.

Is gloomy, uneventful, uninteresting and uneasy feeling, that time of the year, April...

Is it SPM's awe-inducing aura? It keeps pressing me...

I suddenly have no mood, no target...

Study? I'm getting sick of it...

Band at least becomes a place where I can do myself a bit pulling back, get out of reality...

So, hopefully, really hopefully all will turn out good...

Progression, it is unavoidable, so might as well progress to the better.

Tasks and objectives

Minutes away from all those works...

Wish I had more time.

Yet I know more time is never possible.

Yes, we all have work.

But it is hard to keep with this tasks, this objectives.

Alas, only time will tell.

Last time this time.

I'm tired, I'm used, I'm that much. This is all, this is all, nothing more or less. But I seek this thing of the pass, of story which I will tell:

Things can happen just like that. They come so briefly in your life, but you can remember it for ages. This was what I felt in 2008. Need I say more? I think no. Most people will know.

But not mere experiances that we took with us, it was the bond that follow. Enemies were made brothers, the lion at peace with the lamb.

And we sought to re-create it last year. Yes, last year we still pushed forward nevertheless. And for me, it was a personal achievement, and I don't care if some tell it was a loss.

But since this year, it has been a non-stop turbulance ever since. I want not this! If I want my full effort to work, I need a full target in view. If not, just let there be rest, and Ican concentrate in further undertakings.

If so ends this story yet written? I will definitely want to conclude my destination into one worth a greater thing to remember. Be it epic, be it tragic, we will watch.

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme.

Of the herb, I have yet to taste it. But I can tell it is definitely a fragrant herb.

As for he pronounciation, I say Thyme may well be a time in physical existance?

Yes, maybe. But time once again whithers and re-grows without stop. Where does this lead to? Ask me not.

March is tomorrow. This will my last post of February, and what a perfect number of the post to end, 10.

Love last foever, so need I not be worried about that.

With that said, I will move forward with a few points that are random statements with significat relations.

• Be not unregrettable over troubles caused, be you responsible.
• Yet not to love the world, but to love The Lord.
• In lasting existance is your soul, in splinter flame is your body.
• And so ye have made unrest, so ye will be in unrest.
• So be it the destiny that lie ahead, loving is thy heart, corrupt is thy body.
• And so move on shall we be freed from this limbo.
• Physics is fun nevertheless.
• I shall await the Gate of Pearls and Gold.
• So move on the month of March.

There shall be peace to come.

And the sands of time flows on.

Chinese New-Year? So fast? I thought we just celebrated it last week...

Got the same feeling? Me too. Time is too fast yet again.

SPM, getting closer. Theory in Music exam, also getting closer. My life's turning point is this year.

It's getting complicated, times are hard, my parents are aging, and the economic crisis is not really showing any significant improvement.

During this trying times, all I can ask for is this, God, please guide me through it all, be with me.

Amen.

Back from yesterday, going on tomorrow.

Time, a word used to described a very complex, often misunderstood, yet always take for granted existing piece of dimension. And when I say day, I mean to complain yet again, that time waits for no man. Another year, another 365 days, gone just like that.

Am prepared? No... Form 5, don't deceive me, for I am at your mercy.

To all the PMR students who just got their results, congratulations to you for fully completing the lower secondary cycle, and once you come to form 4, time will fly ever faster, as I myself will prepare for the jet propelled year of 2010 in form 5.