Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Conflicted... I hate that feeling, always leaves me in an indecisive mode.

What do I want? Why would I want it? A relationship? And I said no. I do not want it, there's no reason for me to want... But I need it? Arrghh!! Conflict? What do I want? Am I that desperate?

3 months... 3 months since that... Blissful Ignorance, alas! It can't last. I still have that feeling. It never did change... Ignorance can only last that long... Blissful I am not... Yet, I tell myself, rejoice, to be able to have feelings for someone. Feelings so strong? But unsatisfied. But what can i do? My feelings didn't manage to find its place.


Conflicted I am also, such responsibilities... Alas! Part of me wants to embrace it, part of me loathes it... But i shouldn't jump into conclusions. It is not my decision. Yet, even if I accept, I do not know what to do...

Help me somebody!!!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I hate Tags...

(1) 请老实的回答每一个问题。
(2) 不行擅自塗改題目。
(3) 写完请点10位小朋友,不可不点。
(4) 点完后请通知那10位小朋友他被点到了。

1. g3nji
2. Rachel
3. Tiffany Lulu
4. Liying.Q
5. Jenson
6. Eoo
7. Jxun
8. Stephanie
9. p3it3ng
10. Jessica

01-[ 4号认识6号吗? ]:: Nope
02-[ 10号是男还是女? ]:: Girl
03-[ 8号的兴趣是? ]:: Chat?
04-[ 1号有没有兄弟姐妹? ]:: Got
05-[ 7号姓氏? ]:: Ngoo
06-[ 10号人缘好吗? ]:: Average.
07-[ 4号有人追吗? ]:: I suppose?...
08-[ 承上2号呢? ]:: She is form 1??
09-[ 6号喜欢的颜色是? ]:: No idea.
10-[ 3号和10号是朋友吗? ]:: Barely know each other I think...
11-[ 8号的生日是? ]:: 6th January
12-[ 5号读哪呢? ]:: Han Chiang College
13-[ 你怎么认识10号的? ]:: Band
14-[ 你跟1号的生日差几个月? ]:: hmmm... I think 3-4 months?...
15-[ 你和9号有出去玩过吗? ]:: No...
16-[ 你喜欢和2号聊天吗? ]:: Ok lo...
17-[ 你喜欢和3号在一起吗? ]:: I don't want to be with her also cannot cause she sits in front of me in school...
18-[ 你觉得7号人怎么样? ]:: A good friend.
19-[ 你觉得9号人怎么样? ]:: The typical.
20-[ 你爱5号吗? ]:: Swt... NO!...


1. 是谁传給你这份问卷的:: Jxun, Tiffany, Fishball Sim, KSin, Stephanie, Zhyn, etc etc

2. 你们认识多久呢:: JXun? 4 years

3. 你觉得他(她)对你來说很重要吗:: Pretty important.

4. 你与他(她)的关系是:: Friends

5. 你觉得他(她)的个性如何:: Notorious guy, cold, manipulative, scheming... But he's a nice guy XD...

6. 请问他(她)的兴趣是:: Computer, music, band, BIO!


問 : 當你在更衣室沖水,门忽然被打开了
答 : Go close the door.

問 : 海中忽然大浪來襲后 你发现比基尼小姐上身泳裝被沖掉了
答 : Not in Malaysia... No bikinis

問 : 去海边玩会使用咩交通工具
答 : Car.

問 : 你突然发现沒帶泳裝 泳衣你会買吗
答 : I jump in naked lo... (later get caught by police...)

問 : 会的。。
答 : What?

問 : 回去时 发现有其他遊客手机沒拿 你会觉得是哪牌子的
答 : I dunno...

問 : 海边对你來说是
答 : Nature's beauty.

問 : 看到镜子 会不由自主的向前吗
答 : I think no...

問 : 经常用洗面乳吗
答 : Yes.

問 : 说到自恋会想到谁
答 : Ang Kai Ming

問 : 有人说该減肥了 你会
答 : Go get a triple scoop XL ice-cream cone and eat in front of him.

--------------------------THE END-----------------------------

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Tour de Sitiawan.

It’s been 4 years since I took out my bike for a ride around town, a hobby which I had when I was still in primary. Haven’t really had the chance get a good ride around Sitiawan and its backtreets before, I was over-joyed when Fiona invited me for a bicycle ride along with a few other friends after the morning practices…

“Bicycle trip~ time~ 5:32pm meet at~ smk nh” she smsed me later in the afternoon… 5:32pm? What strange timing is that? Oh well… 5:32pm, I reached the gates of Nan Hwa… Where is everybody?? Put Aero plane trick?? Oh well… Might as well wait… Whose that? Jia Xun’s the next one to arrive… But he say he’s not joining.

5:40pm then she arrive, followed by Huei Su and Hui Bao -_-… What is Huei Su riding? It’s a bike, no! it’s a motorbike, no! It’s a motorbicycle hybrid… Swt... and so, 6pm like that only we leaved, quite a crowd, Jia Xun followed eventually, sitting behind Han Siang, who is also coming, by motorbike, and also Keng Siang…

Destination? I don’t know, I’m at the mercy of the Organizing Chairman, Fiona Ling… So I heard, destination: Siew Wei’s house, and ask her to join in... Ok, I’ve been there once, but not inside, during Chinese New Year, but she wasn’t around… When we reached, she also wasn’t around…

Might as well continue the journey… And so, we went sight seeing, going to as far as… Sorry, I also don’t know how far, only know that is very far… But guess what? Someone joined in halfway: Ling Siew Wei, on a bike, now that’s hard to get, hehe… But she was complaining a bit about how silly this trip is… Who cares? I’m happy XD.

In the process, I get to witness a few hidden things around town, a small lake, many big and nice fields, some new houses, and we even saw Mr. Siah, our physics teacher, taking his wife around scouting for new houses, or so I think.

So? Will I do it again? Definitely.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Amazing Grace.

Going to write on a more religious context in this update... Feeling the need to analyse this by writing down... No flaming please, and if you think you'll be offended by this, please don't read...

And so, I joind the YAF for their apparent 2nd meeting in KL, YAF as in Young Adults Fellowship. In that particular meeting, we saw a video talking about Grace.

What is Grace? defined as "unmerited favor from God" from wikipedia. And so is apparent, a few simple things to define this is that it is the Grace of God that has, is and will save us from eternal damnation.

As a Christian myself, with much regret, this was a blur page in my book until that day, which made a lot things more clearer to me. It is the Grace of the Lord that save a wretch like me? I thought at 1st. I initially had a very wrong impression by what it takes to be accepted...

"It is not a merit and demerit system in Christianity, it isn't about God accepting as a good person, God has already accepted you, it is only that a lot of people do not accept him, it is by Grace that you were redeem, and there is no other way apart from Grace that will redeem yourself."

Alas, it is out of love for us, that the Lord allowed his only son to perish on the Cross. Amazing Grace it is. Such beautiful Grace!


Sunday, September 20, 2009


This is random... I want to write something, but got nothing to write...


Ok, the updates... Finally back from KL, looking forward to the sectional practices, good time for working up some sweat...

But alas, exams are ever so closer...

Sweet, finished the shopping list for Jia Xun, Bodyglove bags are cheaper than I thought. And so I got one as per requested by him... Remember to pay up!...

Friday, September 18, 2009

8 months.

8 months, so many things happen... So many...

Looking back in my blog history last night, nostalgia kicked in...

Listing out the significant events through the months:
February: Sports Day, Pageantry in Wind 2009, Getting use to form 4 life.
March: 2nd I.D.I.O.T. training with Junt for 2009 season, Earth Hour.
April: English Drama Competition, Band's first Full Show.
May: Mid-term exam.
June: 3rd I.D.I.O.T. training with Junt, Blissful Ignorance, first and second pre-show.
July: State Band Competition Preliminary, State Band Competition Final.
August: English Drama Competition State Final, 15th MSSMBC.
September: Basic Training.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Friday no school?!

YES!!! Friday no school!!!

NOOO!!! Friday early morning need to go KL T_T!!!

This is called two sides of the coin -_-...

Monday, September 14, 2009

Questo Io credo

Pitiful... Pitiful dirt, that is worth. Timeless is non-existent, or so they say. How I wish otherwise...

Time, against everything... Time is always wasted, never utilised properly. Such wastage spared only by spirituality.

So many depressing reasons, to be saddened, to feel worthless. Relaxation is far...

But this I believe... I believe... I believe in it, so for the sake of knowing what's right, I believe...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Somehow wishing you were here right now...

This was what I said not too long ago. I was yearning for something. Someone. I was missing something... Yet I could barely describe it.

What had "you" done? Making yourself somewhat so significant to me all of a sudden. "You" give me this feeling that somehow, life was better when you were with me.

No, it's not friendship you brought, nor knowledge or love. You were thus frozen, trapped in time, leaving me unconcerned about you then.

But all that was a difference to what calls in me now. Somehow... Somehow, you made it clear that I needed you. But for what? I know not...

And so, I said to myself...
somehow wishing you were here right now...

Friday, September 11, 2009

Funeral is priority... (touchwood)

I'm not complaining... Funeral procession knowledge is essential for our band, cause it's our income (hush)... So it's part of the basic training process for our juniors... What can I do? Mr. Tan request so, then it's final... Funeral Marches are priority now, past-year competition songs can wait...

Apart from that, other progress, slow... Cymbals? Nowadays, I tend to wonder how the heck did I manage to train Seen Yee to play and compete within 3 months!! Now? Slow learners I have... I hope I can get through them.

Band is also slowly switching to concert mode. Hello Stephen's grip!!! Looking forward to hold 4 mallets again, haha. Not to mention, Chimes, after 7 months without playing you... Ah, and a chance to bond with the Timpani! Boy am I looking forward to this.

And of all, I found a very interesting book:

Talking about the author's journey from young adult to manhood in the Santa Clara Vanguard Drum and Bugle Corps, "Not for the faint of Heart" is a biography of a SCV tenor drum alumni. Jeremy "Spike" Van Wert went from a disastrous rookie year to being the leader among his peers in one of the world's most successful Drum Corps.

Seeing this book makes me want to buy it. It takes you to a behind-the-scenes look into the life of a SCV member, bringing out the emotional roller coaster each member experiences into a book. Any individual who intends to be part of this organisation should add this book to their collection. I am still figuring out how to get it though XD...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Go forth, and embrace it.

If they give you this, this is what you get, no questions. If you are in doubt, or lost in translations on the conditions put forth to you, it is only fair you give yourself some time to think why, for there is a reason why you are given such fate. There are two sides to a coin, once you have contemplated with the downside, it's time you look at the top. There is always a chance you may return. If there is no doubt in you mind, then go forth with dignity and pride.

As a short message conveyed to those who need it.

And thus, I shall go forth with my final studies...

Monday, September 7, 2009

The forth, the fifth...

Felt like sharing this, don't need to take the religious part too seriously, but if you want to, go on...

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Time, time again...

Times keeper... Self-proclaimed title I give myself... Not because I want to control time... But rather, I want to be aware that time is controlling ME.

And time to say this: Time still is soaring with even more acceleration... One more month, then it's finals...

I just want to find a day to sit in a tranquil forest rock, and meditate... With music to aid of course XD...

But then again, except for achieving inner-peace and self-awareness, I would be wasted with time...

Why is the world like that? Why the norms of today restrict and oppose what we deserve??
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2
This, I wish to achieve...

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Why am I doing this??

01你叫什么:Too Zongxu
02你的绰号:ZongYu(invented by JXun), Ah Too, Grandpa, Old Man, Young Man(YMCA)...
03你的血型: A+
06你几岁:16 years old
08你现在的学校:SMJK Nan Hwa
10承上,那是多少:What in the world is THAT??

11你最要好的朋友(限1个):That would be unfair to just pick one...
12你最讨厌的人(限1个): Love all, hate none.

22到目前为止,你跟多少人告白过:Under different conditions, it's hard define what you mean...
23到目前为止,你被多少人告白过:I fail in relationships...
26你最好的同性朋友跟你告白你会怎样:I love girls, not guys...
27你初恋情人突然跟你告白你会接受吗:No Idea
29你跟另一半牵手过吗:What is that?
31你跟异性牵手过吗:I want google translate T_T
34是谁,你们什么关系:I give up...
35现在有人在追你吗:Nobody wants me...

37如果有天,好朋友背叛你,你会:GO settle him diplomatically
38如果有天,好朋友对你喜新厌旧,你会: What meaning?
39如果你很受不了你的父母,你会离家出走吗:Won't happen.
40你上课认真吗:See my mood and energy...
41你功课好不好:Not good
42你开电脑都在干嘛:Social networking, e-mailing, gaming, documenting, research, music etc...

45传给你这份问卷的人是谁:Jia Xun and Hui Lin... (what a lovely couple)
46这个人对你好不好:Sometimes good, sometimes bad
47这个人是你的谁:Good friend.
48你有喜欢过这个人吗:I said I like girls, not guys...
49你们认识多久了:4 years.
50这个人是怎样的人:Abnormally tall, big mouth, good-willed but often mischievous.
52这个人跟你有没有在一起过:Girls!!! not Guys!...
53万一你喜欢这个人,你会怎么办:... I am not gay la...

54说到正妹你会想到谁:no one...
55说到帅哥你会想到谁:Ding Hong Leong.
56说到憨你会想到谁:not sure.
57说到痴你会想到谁:no one...
58说到暗恋你会想到谁:what is this??
59说到出去玩你会想到谁: Teck Hooi?
60说到聪明鬼你会想到谁:Ding Hong Leong...
61说到傻子你会想到谁:Kai Ming
63说到爱笑你会想到谁:Hai Teng is no. 1!!

64你的班导是谁:A Chinese who wears sari...
65你的座位是第几排第几个:Last row.
66你最喜欢的老师是谁:Mr Chow Chin Mun...
67你的英文好吗: English in Malaysia sux...
68你的体育好吗:badminton? sucks...
69你的数学好么:General maths is ok. Add. Maths just pass nia...
70你喜不喜欢你的校长:Who would like a "No action, talk only" headmaster?
73你的班级在几楼:Single storey...


I pick:
No body...

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

That white shirt and red tie 4

Back to present day, while Tiffany was on her way home...

"Mum, what's for lunch?"

"Do you always have to ask that question?"

"Well, I'm so used to it."

"Well, today was a little hectic, so I just manage to cook up a simple fried omelets and some spinach."

"Aw mum, just when I was going through a mood turbulence"

"What? What do you mean by turbulence?"

"How about we talk it over lunch."

"Well dear, if you must."

Thus, that was the conversation between Tiffany and her mother on their way home. Tiffany stayed in a semi-d house, quite a lovely spot actually. The morning sun rose just to shine on the front door every morning, and the afternoon's blaze was shielded by the tall roofs of the house. Come night fall, the warmth of the retained heat was enough to have the house cozy and comfortable. And home sweet home it was for her. And she was enjoying the nice view of her garden in the study room when...

"Hey sis, back home already? what's that in your hand?"

It was Tiffany's elder brother, George, who is studying for form 6 this year. He is 2 years her senior and a very creative irritant towards his sister no doubt. But often times, Tiffany always finds him for good piece of advice.

"Is that the way to greet the birthday-girl, Georgy?"

"Haha, never fail to forget, huh? Happy Birthday sis. But that doesn't answer my question. What's that package?"

"Why, it's a present from my friends, Jo and Lily" she replied.

While she looked away, George swiftly lifted her bag from the study table.

"Oh really, I am so convinced... Try explaining the one in your bag"

"Oh no you don't, hey stop, leave that bag.."

Too late, as George already retrieve the parcel.

"Haha, boyfriend's VIP treatment I suppose?"

"Hey, give that back will you! you irritating rascal! MUM!!"

"Ok, ok. You win. Take it, I was only joking... But I probably was right, seeing the way you react, hehe"

George left the room, leaving with a cheeky grin on his face...


And so, like a leaking sack of beans, Tiffany seek wise old mum for this kind of advice.

"Well dear, I'm pretty sure he is interested in you. Don't worry, this is part of life. IF he wants to try dating you, just give it a try, as long you're comfortable with it, and as long as you don't do silly things, nothing is wrong with it."

"Thanks mum, it sure helps a lot"

And back to her room Tiffany went. After showering, she quickly took out the gift from Shawn again. A quire object as gift, especially to a girl. It was a red tie, a tie that suit most men. But surely, for a girl, it does seem awkward.

Quickly, she plugged in the computer switch to the socket. She pressed the on/off button and the PC sprang into life. If there is one thing she has to proud of her brother, it would be computers. No single computer in her house was left untouched from the inside. George had upgraded all the CPUs in the house to the max with his own pocket-money, which he deem was well worth-it, even Tiffany's computer had a piece of her brothers mark in it.

And so, without using up even a minute, her messenger was already open and signed-in.

"Tiff, wat took u so long?"

"We, tot u were still dumbstruck XD"

It was Jo Ling and Lily as usual...

"Srry guys, had a lil talk with my mum."

"Rlly? anything she said?"

"Well, she say it's ok as long as I don go overboard"

"Tats nice... Btw, what Shawn gave u?"

"Believe it or not, he gave me a tie. A red tie."

"O rlly? That is so weird"

"Ya, way weird, is like he doesnt know how to pick a gift"

"I found it awkward at first. But I can't help but feel this Deja Vu"

"Rlly? You mean someone sent you red ties b4 o_O?"

"No, it's jus tat, this tie he gave me seems so familiar..."

"Why so?"

"I don't know, that's why I feel so mixed up right now..."

"Don't be, just relax, and take it as a coincidence. Why not add him now, and try asking if you need. Don't worry, he'll answer if he rlly is interested in you :P..."

"Ok ok... I take your advice, I'll go add him now"

And so, Tiffany clicked the "add contact" button on her messenger. "" she typed in.

(Shawnz has signed in messenger)

To be continued...

PS. Once again, comments please... I personally find it way too long to be a short story...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

That white shirt and red tie 3

His home was that of a family of average income, a small garden with many unkept and overgrown plants, giving the house a very damp atmosphere. Actually pretty impressive he could afford to live a house like that, given his history...


It was sunny here, just like any other town in this country. But somehow, Shawn always felt life is dim and dull. Maybe it was of his unforgiving upbringing. Sad to say that his father left the family when he was just 4 years old. Somehow, his mother never told him why. Whenever he asked, all he was told was that his father was in a crisis, and needed to break-off all contacts with his family.

And so, his mother was left with the task of bringing up this boy. As rough as life may become, his mother still manage to put food on the table, partly due to Shawn being the only child, to which his mother is grateful with.

But Shawn was fatherless from a tender age, and with that said, he always felt a bit betrayed by his father. Being born without any siblings, his time spent alone at home was aplenty, he was timid and shy, not willing to come out of his husk. His mother would come home late at the wee hours of the night, never managing to spare time for her son. This routine life made Shawn a slight pessimist. His only outlet to his restlessness was sports, because his raw energy never seems to run out. Maybe it was in his blood, but somehow, he was a born sportsman. And with this talent, he excelled in sports and his friends were his teammates, and over the years, he still manage to get pass life.

But his dreams and hopes of reuniting with his father came to a shattering end. Coming home from school one day as a young man of 15 years, he was greeted by his mother, eyes red and soaked. It is worrying enough that his mother was home during this hour. But a weeping mum? His heart pounded hard with that sight, and quickly, he ran towards his mother to inquire.

Shock along with sheer disbelief it was. His father had gone this morning, gone beyond this world. He was found hanged in his small hut in the borders of Hat Yai, Thailand.

"But mum, why is he in Thailand? Why he left us anyway??" Puzzled and anxious Shawn asked

"Son, all this years, I kept this reason a secret in hopes of covering your father's misdeeds so that you will have any bad image of your father, should he return one day." His mum told him, as tears flowed down her cheeks.

"What do you mean mum?? Tell me! please.."

"Remember the day he left us? He left because a crisis, as I told you. This crisis was actually life threatening to him and to our family. I initially wanted to follow him, but he insisted to leave alone."

"What crisis is that??"

"Son, remember that he did this because you, and me. Your father was a gambler... I thought that it was ok at first. He started off small. I never imagined that he would stray away like this. He was initially just going to his friends house for poker and black jack... Then he started going to Genting. I knew he starting get hooked, but I trusted him in controlling himself. How I wish I had intervene... After several months going on like this, he just comes back one day to tell me that loan sharks wants his head! I was as shocked as you are now hearing this son." Mum said, with a face like someone with a heavy load on his back removed.

"Mum... Dad was a GAMBLER???"

"Hush my dear. He may be... But I believe he always meant well for us. He left us in hope settle the debt he had. So I too don't know what has become of him until so recently as this morning... A friend he made in Thailand contacted me this morning. He apparently committed suicide because he failed to cover the debt in the end, and those loan sharks tracked him down in Thailand, with the aid of the local thugs... He was threatened with torture, so I believe he rather just DIED! His friend brought along with him your fathers only belongings he had during time away. Among those is a letter with your name on it. I left it all in your room."

"... I'm just speechless mum... Why should this happen?? Where is the body?"

"Yet to arrive... His wake will be held at your grandma's place as soon as his body arrives... It's sad to see the older generation see the younger ones go before them..."

Tragic it may seem. The only thing that shed some light in Shawn's darkest hour was the letter.
Along that with that letter, one of the belongings caught the attention of Shawn...

to be continued...

PS. Ok, a bit of a darker side to the story, comments are as usual, welcomed... Too dark for your taste? I'm just an amateur... No one say this was going to be a romance story XD cause romance's just not in my field...