Breaking.

I just realised that Bee Gees is a very nice band to listen to should you be in the process of breaking up.

What good does it do? He is better than me, everything that I can't, he can be.

Your present is sitting here staring at me. It writes "Look how they shine", albeit very murkily.

Conflicted? It looks more like decided.

Never thought the day I'd feel this tinge of jealousy and loss of confidence.

When I will look back at this entry 2 years in the future, I'd be embarrassed by it, just like all my other emotional relationship post.

I'm tired.

I like steak.

Fading flame.

The charm of this coastal town still lingers, it does refresh my thought, it pampers my mind so much. Sitiawan, still that mild scent of the sea, the awkward combination of the new and the old. I love it, I really do...

But old charms fade, flames burn out sooner or later, should there be no fuel... Sadly, the fuel here isn't around when I am. Maybe I picked the wrong week to be back... The band is still off to Thailand, 2 days more before they come back. Most of my ex-classmates are in Kampar facing their assignments and course-work. Reality slapped me hard, and I came to realise that this place is just a pale shade of white in this illusive colourless portrait, without the colours of friends and companions to spend time with.

Of course, I won't be feeling left-out once the band is back, and seniors and juniors alike come and gather, even Rachel would be back by then.

But the truth is, this won't be forever. Friends will move away soon, and drift apart sadly... As much I was in denial in the past, I have to face this truth. The charm of Sitiawan is truly in the friends that I have, and they will bring the charm to wherever they go...

Despite it all though, Sitiawan will still be cozy to me, my stay here is still so relaxed, because of this old flavour, this richness; it won't fade away, so long as it ages, just like wine, it matures and becomes more fragrant. I will still come back, as long as the old buildings stand, and when the food's good, I will always find time to be back here.

If you noticed this pattern.

How many people still read my blog? I can't tell, since no one comments these days. But if you do, then  hi, hope you've been well.

I have a bit of trouble sleeping tonight. it's 12 midnight, and I still harbour thoughts from this afternoon's exam. I was quite badly reprimanded this afternoon by one of my lecturers for failing to practicing enough for this round of the exams. Indeed hip-hop and samba weren't my forte, but the words did cut deep.

I also noticed something. I haven't blog up until recently... And this may very well be a sign that my relationship is stumbling. The time I had a writing hiatus was also when I was fresh into the relationship. I see now, she also stopped blogging around the same time...

But did you noticed the pattern recently? We both got back to writing. Of course it may be purely coincidental. Yet I ponder this, it might be that we're drifting apart.

I guess I've gotten carried away with my studies...

But that excuse is one that most people won't question...

Except maybe her.

Making you angry.

I am busy here doing tribute. I get myself immerse in my scope of academic and co-curricular activities because it feels gratifying. And when I am in that mood and zone of work, the thing that sets me on fire to burn is a text from you saying I didn't make time for you. Here's my answer, 24 hours is too little on weekdays in the city. Trust me if I were to be in Kampar, I'd have more time up my sleeves.

There is a time and place for all things to happen under the sun, and that includes dating and courtship. But being so close to finals and tribute, it is a very wrong thing if I don't commit myself to academics and instead, to date.

I opt not to break up because I am content by what you do. So you here are the one who hated me for what I do in the 1st place. I love music, I can share that passion. Unfortunately you retaliate.

The voiceless protest.

It's week what? 13 already of this semester, I'm already pass the halfway mark. Not exactly the pacing I like actually.

Ask me how things are lately? I can give you a hint why I write blog post these days. It's because someone else isn't there listening to me chitter-chatter. Oh well, a voiceless protest, it's the silence that shouts out to me. Unfortunately, I can't heed the request.

Maybe it's that time again, where solitude brings in the necessary redemptive feeling, the glim of healing, ever so little.

Life is harsh towards me, although my distress is so much milder compared to many others. I appreciate the position I am in, it is indeed joyfully harsh, the kind of suffering that brings you good.

Tribute to Bee Gees concert is just 3 weeks away. I look forward to the performance, since one of the earliest of my inspiration was Bee Gees, I knew I had to get myself in it no matter what, and I did manage to. Playing percussions this time around, practices have started, and they run pretty late into the night.

But if not, it is an experience I really value. I actually hope it'll do me much good to be in it.


I ponder this, dark sky above.
Where are the stars? Your clouds hide them.
I ask this, wind of the night.
Why do you move? Your breeze carry my thoughts.

For the things that depart away from me,
Should I feel that I am answerable?
For the situations that happen,
Why do I feel out of control?

Postings from the 18th floor.

Moving out of my comfort zone, out of home, the place I've ad for long yet only lived no more than 3 years. Right now settled in the bustling side of Kuala Lumpur, this relatively new condominium, renting with another college mate of mine a room. 18 floors up, and you can imagine the view. Having need of the convenience of being near to college, I moved out. Independent life has its perks, yes.

But I do so miss the slower pace of the outskirts, and oh do remind of the coasts, though I have no favour of the beaches, it feels nice know that you're near the edge to grand water-hole. The lovely ocean, as much as I dread it, it is a beauty to behold.

Motion of the city life is pretty standard for me. 12am to bed, 8am to rise. And all else just depends on the flow of the mind. As much as I want to feel comfortable, I still feel out of place some how.

Today happens to be one of those days where Rachel chooses to sleep 1st before me. Oh well, I have not much left anyway. I do feel the need to express today. Yet it's an unsettling feeling of looking back in time.

Checked around the old pictures of me and my friends, and as usual, I lament the fact that I only get to live through those times once, and one time alone.

Times move on quickly. One day I feel like I have an edge, the next I feel like I'm not good enough. Practice is one thing, but I greatly lack the will to practice.

The semester just started, everything feels fresh, but there's that sense of foreboding in the air. I don't know what or why, but I guess it's cause my Friday performance looms. Which reminds me, I need to get the lead sheet down.

Till then, I'll write.

Legend of Zelda 25th Anniversary Symphony.

Oh the unexpected discovery, this great joy...

You see, the thing about The Legend of Zelda's renowned soundtrack is that over the years, it manage to garner a near cult-like following. Koji Kondo, who worked with other well-known Nintendo game music helmed the role of composing for the series, creating many iconic leitmotifs from the game. The sad part is, even up until the latest games (Skyward Sword, 2011), all the soundtracks are predominantly MIDI, which means they do not use any acoustic orchestras to record the grand scale of the orchestral themes, resolving only to the sampled sounds. Boo hoo... :(

So with that said, I've failed to find any orchestral recordings that are officially tied to the series, only fan-made ones. Until I came across this:

Soundtrack list:
1. The Legend of Zelda 25th Anniversary Medley [00:00 - 8:10]
2. Kakariko Village - Twilight Princess Theme [8:11 - 11:00]
3. The Wind Waker Symphonic Movement [11:01 - 21:30]
4. Gerudo Valley [21:31 - 25:03]
5. Great Fairy's Fountain Theme [25:04 - 28:11]
6. Twilight Princess Symphonic Movement [28:12 - 38:42]
7. The Legend of Zelda Main Theme Medley [38:43 - 43:09]
8. Ballad of the Goddess from Skyward Sword [43:10 - 45:18]


In celebration of their 25 years since the 1st game, apart form all other things, they've made a 25th anniversary symphony to commemorate the event. Songs and themes that occur and re-occur through the series, along with the iconic fanfare, soared through. The arrangement, all being medleys, are amazing, capturing the essence of the song and bringing it to a whole new level. Hand-picked by Koji Kondo himself, no one has to this point had any qualms about the music selection.

Having already played 2 games from the series, call me a fan, or a newbie. I love the soundtracks, some of the songs had me drowned in emotion.

I do say, if you have time, do spare. If you've played Zelda, don't miss out, go have a listen.

Results are back.

Finished the semester almost 3 weeks ago, and the dreaded moment occurs when you go check your results now. Did I pass? Did by some twisted fate I have to re-take my whole semester again? Doubts crept in and I was worried to an extent.

Lo and behold, I passed the semester with a grade point average of 2.96. Sounds low right? But I passed anyway.

Let's see my lowest scores 1st, C+ for contemporary harmony in music. Not too surprised, since I screwed up a bit during the 1st test. Thank goodness I manage to pull back during the finals and assignments.

To my highest score then, A- basic ear training. I am so happy with this one, I actually have a bad recognition for chords, but everything else seems fine with my aural, good for me.

SO I 'll be resuming routine typical very soon, till then.

New gear.

Shopping over the semester break for more drum related equipment. And oh yes, new cymbals. =D

24" cymbal bag. Pretty solid, and decent price

 But 1st, I got a new cymbal bag. Protection racket's 24" rucksack bag. That's one huge bag since there no 22" in stock, and I've been waiting for it since March, but JS music's re-stock schedule is taking too long. Doubt they'll bring it in anyway, since both 22" and 24" are same-priced; Chinese thinking ma, bigger is better, haha.

Stagg DH 13" medium hi-hat brilliant finish

Next was this guy, the hi-hats. After playing around with my seniors' hi-hats and getting some advice here and there, Stagg always got mentioned for good value for quality. And so I got this. And it did deliver, intermediate sound for entry level price.

Stagg DH 16" medium thin exo-crash

 Got this guy because of the nice thin crash sound. 16" is pretty typical, and this one's for a really neat price also. =D

Zildjian 20th Anniversary A custom 21" ride

I didn't know what I was getting until I came home for this one. Really a bright ride cymbal, crispy sizzle sound. After checking around and listening to what Bentley had to offer, I finally decided I'll take this one, and it was at 25% discount, wee~ I found it peculiar, Zildjian usually prints black on their cymbals, this one's white. Turns out I bought out the only one available in the shop, and it was only around there for 3 days. I landed myself a limited edition cymbal without even knowing, drools... @_@





And there goes my new gear. Looking forward to trying it on the kit soon.

Being a supposed histrionic.

A not so long break from blogging, and I'm back. It's the semester break now, and I feel the impulse to write once again.

If you mingle with me to a degree long enough, you will realise that I demand attention. Deep down in this insecure person, I seek comfort in praises of people.

It's not something I would willingly admit to you as a reader. But I thought that it's time I acknowledge it somehow. I have this history to say rash things, make bold claims and do unusually outgoing things. I seek that attention.

That aside, I have not much to write any more. Maybe I feel the foreboding of the start of college, that I will do badly as the drummer I am now, still slow in progress.

But isn't that why musicians become what they are? No matter how relaxed they seem, even the good ones, it is because of the attention they thrive in. They like it, nay, we like it, the cheers, the claps and applause. It brings that much joy...

Until you screw up while performing... You become extra sensitive to criticism, you feel like you no longer have the right to continue as a musician... For a moment, everything crumbles on you...

Until everything shadows you... You feel as though you are always doomed to be the worst... Everything you've work for... Is no more than a pathetic attempt... To seek attention...

Writing crap load of useless things when you could be doing your assignments.

Why am I doing this? Haven't I abandoned you already? Have I not shown my priority is now in college and studies already? It has been this long since I submitted my thought to you. I once knew you, and I know you are bitter right now, asking me why I have rejected my attention upon you.

But dear you, did you not know already? I have come to find you no more amusing than the clowns of the circus, the jokes that run cold on the net. I have abandoned you for you have me no longer entertained.

You must be puzzled, why then I come to you on this lonely Saturday afternoon. I have nothing to do, that is why. Practice on weekends just don't appeal to me somehow. Last year, I was too shy to practice in college. Right now, I seem to like practising there more and more.

How are things? I may seem rude, as if you are worth nothing any more to me. But there's a reason I still keep an account. Because I still know I will come back one day to tell you how I feel, and ask of you the things of which is happening to you. And true enough, today has come.

Have you listened to Lettuce yet? How about Earth, Wind and Fire? I have gotten into funk recently, it sounds good. You should go listen when you have the time.

I wonder if you still have contact with the old timers I had last time with me. If only you can tell me about my old home right now. How are the people? Are my friends okay? Is the band doing fine? I may seem harsh to you, but indeed, I still have need of you.

Tell me the things I don't know, I really yearn to find out now. Why has the memory left me? Why has it gone by so fast? I'm becoming older by day, but I feel like I'm growing backwards. There's that reduction in hope, when it should be increasing...

Send my love to the bunch will you? I doubt you will. You rarely deliver.

Sunny 2011, solemn 2012.

I definitely took a long break from blogging. I guess that's what happens when your output is no more to the web but to a person. Yes, I thank my significant other to bear the thoughts I have, although they are not as many as hers, haha. But in a way, I like the old blogging feeling that just is unique compared to the one on one talks.

How are things you may ask. 2011 was sunny enough, the clouds came but the sun withstood. And the days were merry, having college as my main focus definitely feels different. But with the schedule I had last year, it left me quite an a amount of idleness. But the coming of next year with a schedule that's filled the whole of my weekdays, it'll be different then on. Late nights will be lesser. Indeed, it's solemn if you think it from the study aspect. Nothing gets easier until you're pass retirement I guess.

My relationship with Rachel. Well, turbulent is all I can say. I'm starting to lose focus of her, my mind's occupied by different things already. Priorities are priorities in the end, and she will undoubtedly think that I'm losing sight of her. Maybe I am, because it's starting to feel wrong that I put too much attention to her during this time of study. No I don't intend to break up, but I guess we both have to tolerate. Men are often ambitious, nay, overly-ambitious. I guess work motivates me.

Spirituality. Always had been one of my inner most conflicted battles... The fact that I skipped church today... Doesn't rest well with me... It's easy to say that I'm regretting, but the nudge is there. Why did I skip? laziness. Not a very good reason right? Setting priorities right. To value my soul more than my flesh. Yet the flesh is dominant. Power struggles abound, I can only pray each day for guidance from the Almighty.

Suffice to say, I see the coming year as solemn. I will face it no doubt, I will find my way through, fight the battles that need fighting, find my inner peace, which seems to be taking forever... Insignificant things in life, yet they are the most ambitious goals... Significant things in life, yet many has lost sight to know. Here I am, looking for the latter.

All the best wishes to the readers, may 2012 bring about fruitfulness in your life. I will go now.

P.S. I don't believe it's the end of the world.