Coming back National Service was small milestone for me. Now I will be spending the next 3 months or so in Sitiawan.
Many of you will question my decision. Let me explain, that the 1st of my priorities is getting my driver's license, which would be many times tougher if done in KL.
Then there's the self-discovery...
After 17 years thinking that I know myself very well, I start to doubt that confidence for one time in my life, that is now... Music, it wasn't always music that I wanted, only recently that I became serious about pursuing in this field.
But I don't feel good enough, I don't feel that I can do it, I doubt, I lose my confidence every time someone ask me just what makes me think that I can handle this career. Performance art isn't easy, and I've yet to reach that standard.
Then there's a technical field in music. I was thinking of finding a job working for Mr. Tan, that was my ideal working field for the next 3 months, hat is IF Mr. Tan has a job to offer... So that's another blur...
There is also my relationship... It's hard to describe this feeling, I'm looking for something and I thought I found it in my partner. Yet I feel a bit dislocated every time we're together, I don't feel myself yet. Love her? Yes. You sure? Yes. What makes you love her? Speechless... I do feel it, yes, but I'm searching for the purpose, that burning passion. So that's another reason I stay.
Self discovery... Leave me in my thoughts then, I'll search my soul and check my purpose.