Tomorrow, I'll be sitting through the Chinese paper2 exams... Putting an end to nearly half of my burden...
But for now, apart from greatly worrying what will befall upon me tomorrow, I can't help but to rethink the many comments from my friends and families for failing to master my "mother tongue".
"You are a BANANA!!!"
"You as a Chinese, don't know how to speak or read Chinese, very shameful you know"
"China is becoming the dominant force in the near future, master Chinese and you'll flourish"
"Chinese is going to be very important next time"
This are a few examples of what is thrown at me by some relatives. I appreciate their concern, and truly understand that it's the unavoidable future, but I get very offended when they go too far...
"Next time English is going to be useless, Chinese is needed to survive because of China"
"You are going to lose out to all job interviews next time when they see you fail your Chinese"
I mean, come on, yes, I accepted the fact that China is booming, but, IT'S NOT THE ONLY FREAKIN' LANGUAGE LEFT!!! That is what I always shout to myself in my heart...
I know my capabilities. And I can be pretty sure I can't take it. Chinese is a highly challenging language, and apart from simple speech and writing, literature is everything else in Chinese. And for that matter, I've been losing out ever since form 1.
I am not rejecting my ethnic roots, I am proud to be a Chinese, and I am comfortable with my linguistic proficiency in Chinese. Although weak, but still I can communicate (Although with some difficulty) with my other friends who are much more proficient in the language.
But I am not here to shy away from the fact that my Chinese is below average, I know that I AM. But what can we do? There is always that weak link in every culture. I just happen to be one of them.
And for those who always push me to be better, I really know that you all are just trying to help me be better. But I really can't... I'm just not that language lover type, I'm a guy, and somehow, girls are more interested in this area of studies. I admit that I myself don't really fancy English studies as well, and other language for that matter.
I must say, that even though China is now a powerhouse in the economic scenario, I strongly believe that English will not leave so soon, and that is what I really hope for, if not, I won't have much to hope for anymore. I'm so sorry, my ancestors... T_T.