Sunday, April 10, 2011

A shoulder to cry on.

Maybe being a musician wasn't that suited for me after all. Maybe my illusion of an aspiring musician all this years, was nothing but dreams that are too sweet to exist...

Well, I'm at the peak of my dilemma now. Having so many people telling me all the things to consider before making the leap, I only see more and more things that I lack, that I can't seem to achieve...

I think about technical field of music... Yes, the back-up plan... Can never go wrong right? Well, dignity and pride overrides me... I feel, lousy, if I end up just pursuing it for the sake of a job...

Called mum just now, yes even a guy my age needs his mum to talk to. Shared my problems again, insecurities... Separation, makes the heart grow fonder, indeed...

And I felt better. Well everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes.

I worry about my future, my credibility, and my standings in the society, partly because of me, partly because of my family. But also another part would be you... How can I afford to be in love, when I can't even afford to feed myself? Well, maybe our parents can laugh at our relationship now, thinking it cute and part of growing, but when the time comes, I'll be facing questions on how worthy I am to have you beside me... But it is MY worry, you're not the reason, don't blame yourself. Just felt you needed to know... - to my significant other.


  1. Music is definitely a difficult path if compared to others in terms of wages. I think that's the main reason. People nowadays only think about how money is substantial in our daily lives, which, in a way, is true. BUT to abandon your dreams to pursue a job that you don't have even a tad bit of good feeling about, it'll eat you up from the inside. I suggest you to make a list of the pros and cons of pursuing your dreams and look at it in a non-judgmental way and decide what YOU want best. I can lend you my book, it's called Dream Bigger. For a moment, I thought of selling it, but then I changed my mind, because my intuition tells me that it might come in handy someday. Now it seems that you're needing a guide. So, are you interested in reading it?

    For someone like me, I believe in 日久渐生情, so it doesn't matter what job I will take on in the future. However, I can't help wishing I have a clear direction, an obvious path to embark on. I hope God can show me the way. I need someone/something to inspire me. Maybe I'll fall in love in a particular job someday. Who knows?

    All the best. :)

  2. You do read my blog, haha.

    Well yes, thanks for the advice and reminder, I do tend to let outside influence undermine my interests. Apart from driving lessons, I'm staying in Sitiawan to actually seriously think through my decisions before making the leap. Music definitely is hard, it demands perfection... But I will definitely try to stick to it, sooner or later regardless.

    Also, thanks for offering the book, but you can keep it, you'll need it. But I'll put it in my shopping list. :)

    So yup, all the best in your studies and SPM as well, God bless.