Friday, April 22, 2011

A reply to a letter that will never come.

Remind me how many times did I put you in disappointment again? Saying sorry is easy, but to mean it is hard... What does it take to mean it? I take that it means that change should come after the apology...

I may never see that letter of yours come. You burnt it anyway, and regrettably even I think I don't deserve to read that letter. I did intend this reply to be an apology, but would you take it anyway?

I never liked the cold wars between us, thankfully in the past it never did lasted too long anyway. But this time, it feels like you're distancing further and further.

Somehow, among us two, it's you who always have the situations where you get the right to be angry. I envy that sometimes.

Sad? I doubt I deserve to be. Trying to make you feel bad with this reply? Actually deep down in me, I want to... I'm weak of spirit sometimes. I lack initiative, I'm sorry. I already apologized for that many times, not only to you, but to many people. Then again, you'd probably not want to listen.

Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard. Nevertheless if it takes a burnt letter to save the string between us from burning, so be it. If it doesn't, well I can't do anything.

I know you won't leave, not that easily. If a small matter like this will, I can't say anything, again. Yes avoidance, that's what we all do... Yet you seem to momentarily not taking my presence as existing.

So what's my point in this reply? To say I'm sorry? Partly. I'm not giving up on improving, so that you know. Give me time, and all I ask for is your patience... And then you come texting me when I'm about to finish this letter. "Sweet~"? Yes, sweet indeed.

What do you want from me? I can only keep guessing.