Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 3.

The closing chapter of the trilogy in my past. Basically it's just two years back, not too hard to recall.

And so I entered morning session. Waking up at 6:20am due excitement to get back to school. Year 2008 would mark much of my change in attitude, thinking and appearance. I daresay I learnt a lot of valuable lessons back then.

Friendships endure through trials and triumphs, let that statement be true in the future. I had the blessing of strengthening bonds with my pals, along with getting to know a lot more people. School life was blissful. It was PMR that year, yet we felt no pressure. I miss that.

Band life was at its peak. It was my 1st year I competed, a year after Nan Hwa Band remained silent and inactive. I was naive then, thinking that band was a bed of roses, which I will come to realise soon that it is not. Nevertheless, I was in a lucky year. Despite all the form 5's fears that year, along with many of those ex-members, we manage to grab back the title of Perak champion and go on to the national level. Even beyond national level, we went on to international level. What a year, all those experience.

All those smiles and laughter, sweat and tears, even blood. I remembered the time where we form 3 boys went out together for a hair-cut, and soon we were all botak, all that sacrifice in the name of band.

And in school we had an equal amount of crazy things to talk about. I remembered the few weeks before PMR, while those few kiasu people skipped school, we relaxing kakis always came up with crazy games to play since the teachers weren't teaching.

The it came, the end of PMR, where it also mark the departure of our dear friend Jien Win to leave to Australia... Not forgetting he manage to have his passing out... And soon 2009.

Which goes on with the immense pressure of form 4, although it gave me hell academically, it also gave me a haven in friends. Going on with 4SA, I was blessed with 5 classmates from 2008 to be with, that is Jia Xun, Hong Leong, Lianne, Shin Yun and Teck Hooi. Haha, the time of the life we had in form 4, especially Lianne and Shin Yun, always doing crazy stuff.

And band life goes without saying, the start of which is a year I learnt a lot about defeat and failure, and how to cope with it. But let's not forget the wonderful Valentines Day concert, which we can all think back, smile and give a pat behind our back.

And then competition. We got 3rd placing. So what? I ask myself nowadays. But it wasn't like that back then. I was hot and quick to judge, and said a few things I shouldn't have said, but what's done is done, so no point looking back. I learnt the importance of self victory as the real victory that year. And I can say, I was as happy as I can be that night eventually when I realised, we defeated ourselves. And it is true to the saying, arrogance is a man's downfall. Let it be the lesson not just for us, but also for all. And not all is lost, last year's passing out was really a highlight.

And thus, time flies... Right now, I write this post as a form 5 already in the middle of the year. SPM is near, many things are near. Alas, all I can do is pray.

Thus marks the end of my 3 part flashback. And so, I hope you aren't bored to death yet, but I find this post more personal than public, so if you don't understand, it's normal.

Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 2.

Part 2 of this trilogy to begin with, is actually a very crucial part of my life.

Upper primary. I usually won't be so detailed in that part of my life, but here's the story: My father retired from his company of which he worked a good 30 years because of old-age. Thankfully, he got a job offer from a relative to work in Kangar, Perlis, the very tip of the northern region.

It was a bittersweet move. I was happy I can finally detach from Urban lifestyle. I was going back to nature. Truly the journey to Kangar was one where I gained back my confidence. There, I got good grades (The standard there is low no doubt), had many friends, learned many important things in life. The air was fresh, the waters clean, the mountains so green, it really was like the serene island of Robinson Crusoe.

I will not forget the day where during music lesson, our teacher taught us the song "I have a dream". Truly, after I sang my heart's content, I finally had a dream. I suddenly felt firm grip in my life, a feeling of content and target. It was there I discovered me as who I am.

Then it came to the part where we had to leave again, because of my father's job. It was Ayer Tawar this time. There, I learned basically all about street-wise skills. The neighbourhood isn't exactly friendly, but you'd learn to come by.

There was the time where I had female tendencies. Back there, all the boys were the tough type (or at least in the class I was in). I was again in some way an outcast sometimes. What to do? Mix with the girls. Well, still it's a lesson there I learned

And then comes Nan Hwa, form 1, moved to Sitiawan due to convenience. It was here I met friends, friends that I hope will stay until I die. The 1st day I entered that class, I can frank at this, but I straight away fell for Shin Yun (pardon me, I just had to write this...). And so? Still with my girl-mixing tendencies, we chatted, payed a bit of paper games, bla bla...

And soon, I came to meet Jien Win, our dear friend who now is in Australia. Through him I finally got rid of my "niang" tendencies and mixed with the boys (Finally...). During that time, I also befriended Hong Leong, then timid and soft-spoken, unlike now, boasting a strong confidence and never failing to smile. Jia Xun? We still were aliens to each other. Teck Hooi, good friend too. Lianne? Who's that monkey there at the corner? XD So many others...

We had laughs, joys and everything. I still remember the time we painted the front wall of our classroom. I painted the Saxophone XD, yeah, it was band class. Speaking of which, in band, I too got to know Hai Teng, David, Hing Hock and Swee Kai. Trumpet rulez~ Until I switched to percussion T_T...

Form 2? Had the same amount of fun. Got the opportunity to know more of them classmates. By then I got to know more of the girls which I sort of shy away eventually during the 1st year. And there was Basil and Leon, we 3 the English speaking musketeers in class (Wait, there's still Jien Win...). Yup, those were the days... No pressure, only fun. Got to know Jia Xun a bit by then, and also a lot of other band mates.

That was the crucial part of my life, and it will continue with my maturing in the final instalment of this journey to my past trilogy: Morning secondary up till the recent past.

Disclaimer: Sources come solely from my mind and thoughts, so accuracy is not at the very least reliable. But still, it's a recount.

Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 1.

It was a blissful morning that came, my 1st day in primary school. It was there, I learn: Nothing... 1st day of school also want to study ah? Goodness me! But education will become the one thing I'll dread from that day onward...

It wasn't a pleasant school life for me during the first 4 years in primary. Think of the life in depression and books, nothing much to look forward to, dead. After school, mum will usually take me to lunch, then back home? Homework, piles of them. Don't do em'? Get canned by teacher. But I somehow always get canned anyway. Then there are the weekends, where mum will bring me to do the weekly shopping in one of the local malls. Yeah. that's KL lifestyle.

Out-of-school activities? I joined Self-defense at one point. Art classes too. Why I didn't pick music? Didn't had the spark for it that time maybe. I remember going to Sunday school regularly at one point. Those were the good days in my spiritual realization.

In the past, I seem to care very little about exam. Thank goodness I do! If not, I'd be insane now, all that pressure. I miss my ignorance and innocence.

And there is that thinking that everyday is bright and joyful... I still yearn that feeling, longing to live in the past. But then I could not ignore that wise saying, Men who live in the past, will be lost in the future.

Will I forget the gluttony and stupidity I had then? No, I too have to acknowledge that I was once a man full of flaw, and still I am. But nevertheless, being awaken from that stupor is a blessing indeed. Not forgetting that I am somewhat an outcast in my own thinking?

That was primary, quite a blur part of my past. The trilogy to be continued: upper primary and lower secondary part of my life.

Disclaimer: Sources come solely from my mind and thoughts, so accuracy is not at the very least reliable. But still, it's a recount.

Vanity, all is vanity.

I remember the time where I said to myself, 'Zongxu, you know all too well looks mean nothing to you, go out, be ugly and be proud of it!' Those were the days where my outer appearance mean nothing but dust to me.

Now? I miss that attitude much. Vanity, it floods me sometimes, as I try hard to control myself. The urge to be vain, to look outstanding among all others, normally appears in our teenage years.

I miss not being vain, such innocence gone. Now I look at myself and say, 'You know you ought to look presentable later...' only to shoot back to myself, 'Disgusting vanity, who cares how you look nowadays? Anyway, the people are more interested on how they themselves look, why matter?'

Alas, I miss being un-vain...

Monochromatic Silence.

Balck and white silence, deafness, blindness...

I feel helpless, moodless, energyless, targetless.

Please... Let the examination period end!!!

ARRGHHH!!!

Maybe may.

Maybe I'll study, study still I get flying scores.

Maybe I'll do more revisions on music, prepare myself for the greater future.

Maybe I'll concentrate in band trainings, competition's just around the corner.

Maybe I'll focus on relationships, focus more on friends and family.

Whatever it is, all is affect by the addiction of computer, so here I pray, please give me the strength this month to fight all temptation.

Post morterm so far.

We have hit the peak ladies and gentlemen.

This is Nan Hwa percussion's update:
Playing wise, tempo is still our drawback. Dynamics are still unpleasant, unclear.
Single stroke and double stroke is not pleasing.
Member attitude so far is improving.
Basic marching is our greatest weakness, need to work on that.
Steps must be clear.

So far that's all to say.

Notes for May.

Life:

• Go and be nice,
• Learn from mistakes
• Accept all praises and consider all criticism
• Don't be a pain in the neck
• Be a good friend

Studies:

• Study everyday a bit from now onwards
• Listen as much in class
• Get the right study attitude

Band:

• Practice to perfection
• Guide the younger ones
• Achieve the right target
• Learn as much as possible
  

How deep is your Love?

Oh my, I'm listening to that song again - "How deep is your Love" by the Bee Gees... I'm in love? Infatuation maybe?

How deep is your love,
I really mean to learn,
cause we're living in a world of fools,
breaking us down,
when they all should let us be,
we belong to you and me

Something in this lyrics that reflect me.

And happy days are here again, great things are happening? Qin Wei's getting married! Yay for him.

Not just that, "Someone" got the boot, for good. Whether it's for the better or for the worse, all I can hope for is as long as peace and balance is achieved, then it's for the greater good.

Hmmm... What else I got to say? Carol of Bells is a nice song.

Through the Eye of the Tiger.

A cool wind swept pass her whiskers as dawn broke. Standing at a healthy one metre, she ruled her turf with a mysterious aura. For many years, her image was a symbol of bravery and courage in countless of cultures, and until now, she bears the pride of any tiger, fearsome and unpredictable.

Her life was never a walk in the park though. Everyday is another hunt for her, and food never comes easy. But today, she can smell easy prey, the smell of blood lingering in the air, a sign of a wounded animal. She could not count on sight, sunlight barely cut through the thick growth of the forest; moreover it was still the break of dawn, so instinct guided her through the wines and groves.

‘The smell’s becoming more intense,’ she thought to herself, as she navigates her way toward her target. And as soon as she felt her prey was within her reach, she slowed her pace and lowered her body. Crawling and breathing heavily, she prepared to pounce on her unsuspecting prey, a mouse deer she thought, or maybe a primate that fell from the trees above.

As she drew closer to inspect, she saw a lifeless body of a boar lying among some leaves, scattered all over the forest floor. The carcass was still fresh, blood oozing out from punctures on its body. ‘Strange, what predator leaves their food unattended?’ She thought to herself. And indeed it is strange; the puncture wounds appeared around the creature’s abdomen, an awkward place for any predator to attack.

Instincts told her that something was amiss, but hunger over-ruled that warning. Her last meal was already two days ago and all she had was a young mouse deer. She moved toward the carcass, opening her incisors ready to tear away its flesh.

SNAP! A snare had bitten into one of her limbs. She let out a cry of agony that had the birds on the trees above flying away in confusion. As she struggled to pry of her limb away from the menacing trap, blood started flowing out of her wound. She had never saw such a strong jaw in the jungle before, as even during fights for habitat, no other tiger had ever manage to bite through her hide.

Minutes pass, and her hopes of escaping diminishes. After each struggle, she could feel the snare bite through her bone, slowly fracturing her limb bit by bit. Pain from the wound triggered something she never felt before. Small droplets of water flowed out of her eyes, tears of pain and fear, something she never thought she would experience.

Suddenly, out of the bushes came a rustling sound. The tigress could hear footsteps heading toward her, so she readied herself to defend against anything or anyone who tries to take advantage of her. Then, out of the bushes sprung two men, both wielding strange silver pipes about a metre long. At that moment she remembered what her mother used to tell her, ‘beware the creature who bares a pipe in hand, he kills all that stand in his way without touching it, all but with a point of his pipe.’

These men were poachers, greedy for the exotic and rare. One of them said, ‘this cat’s a big one, what say you we might be able to sell it for about 10,000 to 20,000 dollars maybe?’ ‘That’s if we get away with it! But the trucks aren’t here yet, we caught it too early,’ replied the other.
‘Well, split her into parts and hide it till they come then!’

She knew not a word they say, but she had a bad feeling. The two men drew closer, and she exclaimed to herself, ‘fools, do they know not what my claw can smite?’ But as she raised her claw to strike, a loud “bang” pierced through the thick growth of the forest. She had been shot at her paw. Another limb wounded, and she continued to cry in agony. She could feel her paw bone shattered into pieces. She was immobilized, and she knew her end was near, but still she was persistent to fight until the end of it all.

One of the men tried to grab her unwounded limb, but with a strong push, she sent the man falling. As she did that, the other man gave her neck a hard blow. With that she was left paralyzed and half unconscious. She then thought to herself, let the pain end, and just kill me. But no, these men were heartless; they wanted her fresh but immobilized, so they did not kill her. One of them then took out a knife, and he slowly drove the sharp edge toward the tigress’ neck and made a deep cut around the neck skin, leaving her screaming in her heart with sheer pain. He then drove his fingers deep into the cut and gave a hard tug, peeling off her hide downward. He was trying to skin the creature alive!

It was torture, inhumane, cold-blooded, even a snake could not stomach this sight. The tigress’ skin being pulled out of her as her trapped limb was pulled at an unbearable pressure. Her body was motionless, but her heart was stressed to a point where any living being would yield and break. As the last bits of her skin came off, all her muscles were bleeding and exposed to the dirt and soil of the ground. The two men then released her from the snare. Soon they both took out parang knives and severed her four limbs. By now, she was near lifeless, but the pain still tormented her.

The two men continued their heartless deed by hooking her up a butcher claw and dragging her skinless body across the rough and muddy jungle floor into their hiding place.

What happens beyond there is unimaginable pain and agony. Soon, the two men removed the organs from the once magnificent creature and hided them around different loading spots around the forest. They even hired some natives to help traffic the parts and pieces of the tigress.

Such horrific things happen on a creature that had to struggle everyday to live. Why should man need such a thing to happen on not just tigers, but many other endangered animals in the wild? We invade their habitat, take their food source, and now we take their lives. Is the pain worth the products that “improve” our already easy life? When the buying stops, the killing can too.

Emotional Quotient.

My emotion's are dominating my decisions again, overly dependent on feeling my heart rather than thinking rationally.

Yet rationality sometimes is futile... Why my somewhat self-induced misery? Love isn't a game, it's a life commitment! SO no hazardous decisions, I will just remain inactive as I was, I'll let pure fate to take its place without MY intervention.

And then comes worries of studies, time never gives in... But I will do my studies eventually, mark my words yes!

So be such, I will try to do it, give it my best in all.

Cropping down tis' old crown of memory.

Cropping my hair down to near nothing, more than mere aesthetics, more that a ritual, it is a symbol of taking off all the things that hath pass, year 2009.

And in that I too crop down one significant part of me. Do not hate me now, for I had once been so engaged in you. I find that going on was just going into another wall. But if you need be, I'd say sorry.

And so leaves me this other, one that maybe of me in half incarnation?

Yes, mistakes are made, but unless I stop trying, I will eventually find the one that's right.

So embrace I pray, please be it.

It may be so.

Lane: 2008 Memory.

Every once in a while, we just need to de-stress a bit, and one good way is to walk down the bright lane of memories.

2008, fond memories indeed. School life was blissful, band life was so rewarding, friendships were fruitful, and we were still immature, a blessing indeed.

KLWMBC and band national comepetition, a phase which just cannot be told or written in words, you will only understand how awesome it is when you get to experience:

• eating maggi noodles everyday
• walk around the hotel half-naked
• singing in the aisle loudly
• screwing up your band uniform
• practicing in a short 15 minutes designated to your band at 12 noon
• march on stupid white floor tiles you just love but hate
• seeing other bands perform live
• warming up in a field with 10 other bands
• hear the seniors and ex-members shout E~S~T
• getting high after each round of competing
• having Sultanah Asma blast at you loudly in the afternoon when you have your nap
• go shopping in one of the free days at berjaya times square and mid-valley
• take pictures non-stop all the way
• making friends with other bands
• re-affirming old friendships
• listen to current seniors share experiences with you

Ahhh... I can cry already, sweet memories.

Memoirs 2008 Album
Memoirs 2008 Video

Further progress.

Is gloomy, uneventful, uninteresting and uneasy feeling, that time of the year, April...

Is it SPM's awe-inducing aura? It keeps pressing me...

I suddenly have no mood, no target...

Study? I'm getting sick of it...

Band at least becomes a place where I can do myself a bit pulling back, get out of reality...

So, hopefully, really hopefully all will turn out good...

Progression, it is unavoidable, so might as well progress to the better.

Thorn among the roses.

Phaik Sim and Pei Pei's birthday dinner (Happy Birthday again if either of you are reading!) at Sunlight Cafe, what a night, haha. Well, as the title says, I was the thorn among the roses, all girls except me, the only guy. Jia Xun, too bad you didn't come...

What did they do? Well, being a "girls night out", it is subjected to multiple subjects of interest that they chatted, most of which I FAIL TO UNDERSTAND! T_T

And after the food: It's pictures, photos, cameras and hand phones! Well, as the saying goes, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, so what did I do? Self-portrait? Nah, not for me. Just took a few photos here and there.

So I'll be waiting for those pictures to appear on facebook soon.