Postings from the basement of a library.

A continuation of disparate stories from my past week...

...

A pleasant dream of sorts

I felt that silly grin of mine even if it were just a fragment of my fantasy. There I was, seemingly comfortable, at ease, and pleased.

I saw her across the counter, somehow we were hanging out in a kitchen...

Why am I so delighted to see her? I cannot know for sure... Call it a crush, an infatuation... All I know is my heart melted the moment she smiled... That wordless smile... Just as I told her how I thought she was oh so pretty.

It all faded to dust soon after. Glad was I nevertheless, once it ended there, to simply be a vignette of a sweet moment that never happened...

Perhaps not yet anyway.

(Fingers crossed)

...

Gastronomical sadness

I recall in the days of my youth of a certain man I quite certainly admired. Anthony Bourdain, explorer of food and culture (and everything in between).

Of course, after I went to college, I stopped watching his shows for a time. His passing just around the middle of last year was an unpleasant surprise to say the least, but I haven't truly sat with the sadness, perhaps because of my ongoing struggles at that time, what with the break-up and moving to the U.S..

The grieve is finally setting in I guess. Recent viewings of his "Parts Unknown" stirred up fond memories of my younger years. Innocence and joy, watching him eat and drink. After all, he was instrumental in making me appreciate newness and novelty, especially with regards to food.

And now, with the benefit of age and wisdom, I realise that beyond those things, he made me appreciate narratives, stories... Perspectives that he witnessed during his travels, he shared with me generously.

That makes the lost all the more despairing for me.

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Knitting or crocheting?

I have a growing fascination for scarves. Truthfully, I didn't think that they'd be so effective at heat retention, until I started using one. Bonus points for lightening up my usually dull wardrobe.

Impulse has led me to want to make my next scarf. But I can't quite decide, should I knit, or should I crochet? Small difference to most people, but for me, it is somewhat a small investment at the end of the day, so I'll have to think it through. But oh well, more scarves for me eventually.

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The quarter-life existential dread

And of course, I've inevitably reached the point of my musings where I need to brood.

You know, despite being in a generally cheery and fortunate place right now, being able to have another shot at studies and all, I feel the impeding crash that is this debt I'm incurring. Add to that the nagging of my age amidst the young blood that surrounds me.

I feel detached in a sense, no longer possessing the enthusiasm and innocence of that demographic, yet not truly self-sufficient as one would expect of someone at my age.

I don't admit it much, but I am worried, feeling somewhat worthless in this state of limbo.

Alas.

...