When was the last time I actually bothered? Of companionship and company, of endearment and adoration. Looking back at old entries and taking a guess, probably two years.
Two years and no less of solitude, I daresay I nevertheless appreciated the predicament placed upon me. I spoke not of it nor did I venture finding such. Friends remained friends, and I remained focused on nothing else apart from work.
But maybe the days are free now, thus my foolish heart seeks things to fill itself up when there is nothing else to distract it. Finding someone to be a bundle of fun yet serious, witty yet silly, smart yet ignorant. It's all a contradiction, yet still the right kind of weird. I find myself enjoying the conversations no less than any before, if not more so.
Forget the minor moral implications, ignore all the past actions that might make this any less appropriate, yet I cannot ignore one thing. Regardless how charming and lovely this idea is, it is nothing short of a train wreck. This locomotive, grand and beautiful, well built and elegant, doesn't change the fact that it is headed straight towards a brick wall.
Such as it is, I cannot help but join in the ride regardless. Such is life, full of contradictions.