Curious want.

Listening to Pink Floyd while I write this blog makes me feel kind of like taking a weird road trip to my emotions. I am currently writing with little to no consideration to my thoughts, rather I write just spilling emotions.

What's the feeling of this want? I guess I want to complete certain things in life, and to begin with, certain things by this Thursday, namely my P.I. exams and assignment submissions.

Ah, assignment this time is not so nice to me. Malaysian music history, nice to know, just not so nice when you need to research.

I always space out each time Time reaches its chorus. Probably my favourite piece from this whole tribute, I am now in want for more... And I'm not even playing. Some part of me is actually quite regretful for not auditioning this semester's tribute, truly it is one of te best I've seen...

I am in want... Yet I should not be in want...

"And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you."

 That is one of the most haunting set of lyrics that I've ever heard in my life... Because it's true... And it's happening...

Truly, I doubt I will get.

Helping HELP.

So I got myself into this small (Ok, not that small) gig recently. I'm gonna play drums for a HELP University concert somewhere in late May. The set-list? It mainly consist of pop and rock.

And today was our first meeting as a band, some from my college, some people from HELP, and we had some discussions on arrangements and roles in the band. Practices begin maybe next week, so yeah, late nights a-many.

There was this ex-senior from ICOM in the band as well, now studying in Aswara. Couldn't stop going on about how life changing it is for him since he went there instead of continuing ICOM. And he's not the 1st to tell me how great the guys from Aswara are musically. Call it tempting, but he himself is a testimony I guess. When he was in ICOM, he was not that impressive in his playing, but a quick look at him just now saw a more confident player with prowess I've not seen during my 1st semester. But ah well, I've become attached to ICOM.

So what else? I guess I can say I actually look forward to playing with them.

Recalling this old feeling.

I dislike the position I am in now actually. Familiar as it is, this feeling is one that I wish never occur to me again...

It mocks me, it strangles me, it breaks me and bounds me to the chains of ill thoughts... But I feel the slight delight in such bondage...

Strangely enough I am that masochist I never thought I would be.

Tribute to Classic Rock, that's our college's theme this semester for tribute. What am I doing this round? Video and media team. Duties start tomorrow and I can expect a roller coaster ride of a tribute this semester. And I become a little disappointed by this self-sought long working hours. I actually have a preference to burrow myself in that cramp room up the 3rd floor to do my drumming.

What am I trying to do? Flee and run away from the fact that I am not okay...

From what actually? I am confused as much as dismayed by my decision.

But it is done and decided.

Kiss the girl and make her cry.

It's not your situation, I just need contemplation over you. I'm not so systematic, it's just that I'm an addict  for your love. Just think how long I've known you, it's wrong for me to own you lock and key. It's really not confusing, I'm just the young illusion can't you see. - "Georgy Porgy" by Toto

Funny how events lead up to one another. You see, I've heard this song in the past and came to like it to an extent, then it passed me after some time. But then last Friday, I heard it once again, and it is kind of relevant to my situation.

Jalapeño, a band from my college participated in this battle of the bands competition, and Friday was the semi finals. Being the fellow course mates we are, the whole lot of us went to watch, and it really was a show to behold. I really enjoyed the set list, and the arrangements are joys to the ear. But among it all, Georgy Porgy struck me down the moment I heard it. In all that fun singing along with it, there came a bitter-sweet realisation that the song hauntingly fits into the situation I am going through.

I kissed a girl, and regrettably, I made her cry.

Delusional changes.

Have you ever let a single dream affect your opinions to drastic heights just overnight? I had such a dream... Consecutively for 2 nights, one reinforcing over the other... And well, it's a bad opinion a to say the least...

I just finished a busy day with running around in college after getting involved in a documentary by our "beloved" national broadcasting channel, RTM. In short, it's a programme about music schools in Malaysia, and I am featured in some way or another as the drummer for our college's representative band, featuring an original number by my fellow course-mate Syazmin, although it's re-arranged for our usage. Try catching me on TV yeah, I don't mind if you go and laugh at my awkward interviews, in the awesome Bahasa Melayu. B-)

But to set things aside, all that shooting the whole day has weigh down on me a bit, I am weary, but still blogging, because I feel bothered in some way... There is another round of shooting tomorrow, although I feel heavy in my chest. I want to hint, yet don't want to tell. I believe though, that not many of my old buddies still follow my blog...

Of course another reason for me to stay up so late to write is also in part due to my need to dry my hair... =_=

Why though does this happen? Flowers are short-lived after all right? You can say mine is beginning to wither too.

P.S. If you noticed by now, I changed much of my layout just today. Time to move on to a new phase, perhaps a renewed love for music. I welcome you to read my rhapsody of words.

Lamentations.

No, nothing related to the book from the scriptures. It's me being gradually weary of my task and commitments, all to college and bands... Of course, not to mention a straining, almost dead relationship that I have.

It's the middle of the night now, I'm suppose to wake up early tomorrow, at 7am. Just came home no more than a half hour ago, done recording and the likes with one of my course mate. Waiting for my hair to dry, so I decided that I want to lament, here in this old gold of a blog. I still yearn to revive it. I enjoy the feeling of solitude now, I guess you can say I am not ready for a commitment to another person. It's sad to say in a way, I need to learn from mistakes every so often.

I don't think she will find it easy to let go... And I'm sure she will wonder why I'm giving up... I can't be too sure myself either, all that I can say is, my heart is indeed starting to be with another... That other being my work. I enjoy drumming more as days go by... And I ever so often get distracted from her, sad to say she isn't part of it, music... Not the like before... We no longer are in the same band, that has been such since 2 years past, and it did nothing to improve our standings and understandings...

And I say here, I have been broken... I turn on my own word... I have almost decided...

I want to give up.