toozgx takes on the World

Sunny 2011, solemn 2012.

2012-01-01T11:47:00.004+08:00

I definitely took a long break from blogging. I guess that's what happens when your output is no more to the web but to a person. Yes, I thank my significant other to bear the thoughts I have, although they are not as many as hers, haha. But in a way, I like the old blogging feeling that just is unique compared to the one on one talks.

How are things you may ask. 2011 was sunny enough, the clouds came but the sun withstood. And the days were merry, having college as my main focus definitely feels different. But with the schedule I had last year, it left me quite an a amount of idleness. But the coming of next year with a schedule that's filled the whole of my weekdays, it'll be different then on. Late nights will be lesser. Indeed, it's solemn if you think it from the study aspect. Nothing gets easier until you're pass retirement I guess.

My relationship with Rachel. Well, turbulent is all I can say. I'm starting to lose focus of her, my mind's occupied by different things already. Priorities are priorities in the end, and she will undoubtedly think that I'm losing sight of her. Maybe I am, because it's starting to feel wrong that I put too much attention to her during this time of study. No I don't intend to break up, but I guess we both have to tolerate. Men are often ambitious, nay, overly-ambitious. I guess work motivates me.

Spirituality. Always had been one of my inner most conflicted battles... The fact that I skipped church today... Doesn't rest well with me... It's easy to say that I'm regretting, but the nudge is there. Why did I skip? laziness. Not a very good reason right? Setting priorities right. To value my soul more than my flesh. Yet the flesh is dominant. Power struggles abound, I can only pray each day for guidance from the Almighty.

Suffice to say, I see the coming year as solemn. I will face it no doubt, I will find my way through, fight the battles that need fighting, find my inner peace, which seems to be taking forever... Insignificant things in life, yet they are the most ambitious goals... Significant things in life, yet many has lost sight to know. Here I am, looking for the latter.

All the best wishes to the readers, may 2012 bring about fruitfulness in your life. I will go now.

P.S. I don't believe it's the end of the world.

Take a break.

2011-09-18T17:57:00.003+08:00

Last 2 days was just too sweet. Life on the slow lane like I love it.

Back to Sitiawan without much notice was fun when it lasted. Surprising her is kind of an achievement, holding in my excitement like that for over a week.

Seeing things happening through the streets and everyday lives back here, it is quite lovely indeed to spend a weekend to refresh. I once lived that life, slow and easy, nothing to fight for, not much to rush for.

I always somehow glorify Sitiawan to a point where it sounds haven-like.

Spending time with someone you yearn for is always desirable. Maybe even kinda forbidden. I may be really lucky, or maybe really cursed.

I miss my time there. I'll skip the details. I'm lazy to express myself these days.

But I guess if a description for the trip is needed, then this is it:

I want more.

1 year ago.

2011-09-03T22:20:00.002+08:00

Yesh, I've been all touchy and put to memory whirlwind by the recent post Jia Xun and Tiffany posted recently.

Just wanna recall some things we had done back in Bangkok, Thailand during the band competitions. 3rd September, drum battle where we got trashed like nobodies business, haha.

Remember the hot days, the new places, new faces, unfamiliar culture, the good, the bad. We met marchers like us, musicians, kids, teens, adults, ex-DCI members, pros, noobs. We had good food, bad food, spicy food, TOM YUM of course :P, cheap food, expensive food.

And of all, we won 2nd place as a team, the sweat, the tears.

Yeah indeed, I only got that one chance to live it. I would love to visit it again in my dreams.

Time flies, more performances and memories await, soon, this will become but a small chapter in my book.

August post.

2011-08-31T08:34:00.002+08:00

First and foremost, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Happy Independence day to all Malaysians around who reads my blog.

It's been a while since I flexed my writing muscles, my brain's working slower, my hands don't type as fast as they used to.

Checking back to the last time I posted, nearly a month ago. Many things did happen. College life isn't getting anywhere near easy, and the fact that someone dislike the word college sin't really helping.

Dear reader, answer this one question. How to define this feeling? Not having a house in a place you call home? Stranded? Lost? I am with my family, in a well-furnished house. I know many of my peers would call me lucky to be with family at my age, but... Why do I still feel home-sick?

Answers only to be left unanswered really. It's the balik-kampung season. But I'm going no where. Financial problems abound, and no one would believe me if I said so. But know one thing. Both my parents are retired, there is no income, we own no land, and the car is only spending up our money, not earning it. The bank is draining up, and nothing's going back in. School fees are already chipping a big hole in my family's wallet. So yes, it is that hard to find the heart to buy that expensive bus ticket to Sitiawan.

Being the worst drummer of my batch and practically the whole college isn't helping my esteem. A lot of work to be done, I really need that drum in my room soon, but Mr. Tan hasn't updated me on his orders for the Pearl drums. All I have with me now is just a pad to practice, and although my hand work can beat most of them there, it really is just gimmicks, I can't play a whole song without breaking halfway...

I need to just, wind down for today, I'll go drum for now, just rant my frustrations on a pad.

Good day to you.

Buy a drum?

2011-08-04T18:12:00.005+08:00

If I come to realise one very wrong assumption I made by now before entering music college, it is this: Being a drummer and yet not owning a drum is not a big deal.

*Throws that thought away*

Shoot I can't believe I thought I was some gifted drummer that can improve with air drumming... I'm actually shouting at myself now:

GET A DRUM!

Thinking through several days, I decided I seriously need a drum over a practice pad. Considering the disadvantages of a practice pad (Unrealistic feel, no tuning, bad investment if I would actually want to get a drum later on...), and the disadvantages of a real drum (Occupies a lot of space, noisy, potential nuisance to our neighbours), it's really hard to decide at first.

But I came to this conclusion and solution: A real drum is still the best way to practice and a practical long term investment if I were to be a drummer. The solution is to get my neighbours agreement and understanding, on top of investing in drum mutes. The mutes are basically rubber pieces to be placed on top of the drum heads to muffle to vibration, but in turn, retains the tuning of the drum.

And now, where to buy it... One of my lecturer actually offered me a vintage drum set he wanted to rid of. Kind of attractive considering it was one of the top range drums during its prime years, and it is within my budget. BUT, 20 years old, so I guess its tuning probably went off.

So I called Mr. Tan :D. And well, I guess I came to my final choice. A new set of Pearl Forum series, coming by the end of the year. Looks like a decent kit, and it comes fully equiped.

Ah, a new set of toys. I feel like a kid again. XP

Strawberry Swing.

2011-07-31T17:01:00.005+08:00

Dedicated to you, you who actually reads my blog... I never did uphold the importance of lyrics. But this song, it's all about the lyrics... But who am I to talk?

Strawberry Swing:
They were sitting
They were sitting under strawberry swing
Every moment was so precious

They were sitting
They were talking under strawberry swing
Everybody was for fighting
Wouldn't wanna waste a thing

Cold, cold water, bring me round
Now my feet won't touch the ground
Cold, cold water, what you say
When it's such, it's such a perfect day
Such a perfect day

I remember we were walking up to strawberry swing
I can't wait until the morning
Wouldn't wanna change a thing

People moving all the time
Inside a perfectly straight line
Don't you wanna just curve away?
When it's such, it's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day

Now the sky could be blue I don't mind
Without you, it's a waste of time
Could be blue I don't mind
Without you, it's a waste of time
Could be blue, could be grey
Without you I'm just miles away
Could be blue I don't mind
Without you it's a waste of time

Lick Hung 6D/2005 Gathering @ Sunway Pyramid 30/7/2011

2011-07-30T23:15:00.002+08:00

2 years without much activity or update from the group. Yet early this month, out of the blues someone suggested someone should organize a reunion. And so the call for such person brought about Jun Wei to handle the task voluntarily. Soon it was decided that we'd meet at Sunway on this faithful Saturday.

Ah, recalling that sweet meeting back 2 years ago, 6 years without contact, yet to meet again, nostalgia. Today, a small group of 7 (much like the one 2 years past) but mostly of whom I haven't met for 8 years since. There was the organiser herself, Jun Wei, Nicholas, Yong Hao, Kai Xian and Yi Wen. The names still ring in my head XD.

Waiting in front of Starbucks at the old wing at 12:30pm, I met up with Carl Lyn 1st, met her back 2 years ago, chatted a bit about studies and stuff, and then came the rest not long after. Sweet reunion~ Small group, yet it was fun to try and recall each other, how we looked like, how different we are, what are we doing and stuff like that.

We went to RedBox for karaoke as planned. English songs for the win! Sang a hearty number of songs that I actually knew! Rolling in the Deep~ Sang for 3 hours. @.@ And boy I vocal chords are strained.

After that, we went for some ice creams, and walked around randomly. Chatted on the way, talked about old time experiences, remembering the old time silliness of ourselves, good old immaturity. But me and the guys? We were talking about those good ol' table games we played during free period back in class.

Found a place to sit thanks to Carl Lyn, who dashed for the empty bench like a sprinter. People cheered for her when she reached it, haha. It was a funny moment indeed. And you know what cam after? DSLR-spam!

But yeah the day passed pretty quickly. We spent our remaining time at the main entrance, slowly seeing one by one go off. I was a kid, a young boy in blue pants ad white shirt. Looking at us now, we're mostly in college pursuing one dream or another. 3 engineers in the making, another doing arts and design. Yeah, times flies.

Looking forward to the next meet, expected to be this year end, and of course, the photos from just now. :x

Missing life back home.

2011-07-27T09:33:00.002+08:00

It's like a limbo, stuck in between the warmth of home and the coldness of a strange environment. Call it a fish out of water. Ever since moving back to Subang Jaya, I feel at home. But I don't feel complete. Yes I've lived here most of my live up to this point of my life, but I can't say I liked it here.

It all goes back to Sitiawan. I miss that place, my abode for 5 years. You may say I can't complain compared to my other friends who are away from their family, living in the city by themselves for further studies. But come holidays, they have a place back in Sitiawan to return to... Not I...

It feels dislocating, and painful all the same. My house back in Taman Intan is no more...

No where to return to... To the place I once called home... Ironic isn't it?

Grinding.

2011-07-22T19:40:00.002+08:00

That nice feeling of practicing for an hour, grinding with the drum, getting your muscles loosen and relaxed after the work out.

Yeah I did another round of self-training again today. I felt good, it feels like I'm improving XD> Overconfident much yeah? 1 day then talk about improving, hahahaha.

But yeah, building up my leg muscles day by day... Rudiments? Maintaining on a drum pad... I need a new drum set. I was thinking of Pearl's Rhythm Traveler. Cheapest n the list, and it's portable, sweet. Read the reviews, and apparently it was pretty good. Wonder if Mr. Tan got sell. :x

My old primary school classmates having a re-union on the 30th. Looking forward to it, really wanna catch up with those guys.

Nothing much to write these days. I wonder... Where hath my chatty went? O_o

Clocks.

2011-07-21T19:08:00.002+08:00

Remember those times where I always told my juniors, nay, nagged my juniors on the importance of groove, playing at the flow of the music, putting an edge, that oomph into our playing as a drummer... Guess what? I am being told the EXACT SAME things right now by my private instructor...

That pride of me still there... I should tear it down by now. It's hard to admit you're the worst drummer in your batch. I couldn't even play a simple song such as that our lecturer gave us in our performance lab class... "Clocks" by Coldplay, so happen to be my recent favourite band. But I guess I'll put effort, learn through the days...

Another day, another song I learn... By the end of the year, I think my playlist will expand to a point where it reaches 600-700, which is 2x my current playlist.

Wish me luck.

Drumming from a different angle.

2011-07-18T19:59:00.004+08:00

I was a marcher, a marching drummer... High tension snares, quad and quint toms, multi tone bass drums, flashy cymbals... Those were my stuff.

Kick drums, floor toms, hi-low toms, crash and rides. These are my new stuffs... I'm beginning to respect those set-drummers more now, something I used to NOT do... I used to think it's pretty cheap an instrument... I was so wrong...

I think I'm really falling in love with the drum kit, it's potential, the grooves and moves... I want to really learn it properly, make it my thing.

I was a minimalist, a rhythm rider, striving in moody and minimal music... Now I strive through jazz, blues and lounge...

Yes, jazz and blues use to be the genre I really ignored and disliked... But that was because I knew little of it... Now I'm seeing the extremely wide coverage of the genre in music... I see now I actually like jazz...

So last Friday's performance seminar. I managed to witness really good performances. In particular, I really liked this particular song...
"Painter song"

Playing the blues.

2011-07-14T14:02:00.002+08:00

Had performance lab studies yesterday. 1st thing we learned is the blues note. And yeah well , our homework? Research on blues, wikipedia and youtube...

What is blues?

Blues is life, blues is when you have no money, you don't have the things you want, you worry... Blues is what you feel and you play blues like you speak to a friend about your worries...

Yeah there I have it, blues... A rather gloomy yet popular aspect of music I daresay?

Private instruction lessons, I found my practice rudiments to work on... I'll need a drum pad and some serious drumming work out to begin with now.

Sunday Morning by Maroon 5... Not an easy song man... I don't think I'll be able to play it by the end of the week.

Lord have mercy...

Routine typical 2011.

2011-07-11T19:58:00.002+08:00

Into the period of the regular grinding and all. So, updates have been coming from me (and for that matter, everyone else) REALLY slowly...

After finishing Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, I suddenly have nothing much to keep myself too occupied. Anyway, it was a superb game, I recommend to those who have Wii or Gamecube, go get the game, impossible to not enjoy... And it will definitely get you curious on the world of Zelda, it's a really nice game series, second only to the Warcraft fictional universe in my opinion.

College life started, and boy I can feel the pressure already... Humility, I need it... I need to learn fast... Everyone here is so much more better than me... I can barely do my drumming right. I do hope I can do well in theory.

Besih 2.0. I know who to vote in 5 years time. You all should know about the thing if you're Malaysian.

And so, I enter my routine typical period of life again.

ICOM - The experience.

2011-07-04T20:19:00.004+08:00

Woke up at 5:50am... Had to follow my dad to send my sister to school this morning. So soon after that, headed to Taman Paramount at Petaling Jaya to catch the LRT. Yeah, it's gonna be a habit, public transport through the city everyday at 7:15am...

Arriving at Sentul, which is about 15 minutes walk away from my college, I went to the McD outlet just in front of the school. Since it was still 8am, and the placement test only starts at 9:15am. Had a Milo and a hash brown, then took out my theory notes to study last minute. Before long, there were 2 other students sitting at the table next to mine... How did I know? They talked about intervals, notes, cadences, scales. And true enough they were enrolling today, like me. One is a Portuguese, and he was helping his friend, a Japanese, in theory... I would come to know the 2 of them later in the day, The Portuguese is a guitarist, and the Japanese a drummer o.O and by the looks, a really really good one.

So as you might have already guessed by now, the school is really on an international stage... Because once I entered the college doors, I see... Every skin colour I could imagine. Took the test English, and I dare say was decently simple enough for me. By the time I was done, it was lunch break.

Socialised a bit, and went out to eat mamak food with another 3 odd company. A Korean, a Sarawakian and a Singaporean... The Korean was doing vocals while the other 2 were guitarist (A lot of guitarist around the school), and yeah, got to know them a bit better.

Head back the college at 12pm, waiting to take the theory test. While waiting, we went into the recital hall. Some of them took out their guitars and started playing around... THEY WERE AWESOME! The Korean guy sounded great with his voice!!@#$ And he could play the guitar, which he only learnt for like 5 months, as he said... He's better than me, I already played for 2 years... T.T The Sarawakian did some gig on his guitar, and he was like... Playing with one hand? @.@

Shit I have no idea what I got myself into... But oh well, theory starts, and I took up the paper... Hohoho, lucky me, it's within my capacity. Finishing it at 2pm, I came out of the hall to socialise further. Apparently many of them weren't too confident with their theory (lucky me, now I don't feel so inferior). But oh well, can't be too sure. Got to know a guy from Subang, nice guy, same age, he's gonna do vocals. But he plays a lot of instruments apparently. Also met this guy from Switzerland, doing piano... Planning to be a film scorer, nice~

But one thing though... Nearly everyone I got to know was going for the Berklee transfer programme... Even me. So that's the key attraction, cause it saves up to 60% of the initial fees required by doing 2 years of study here locally, and only starting off Berklee by the 3rd year.

My live audition's tomorrow, and I have no idea how I will fare... I didn't practice... >.< But oh well, Lord have mercy, I may make it through.

College life? I find it intimidating... But I also find it intriguing. Hoping for the best in tomorrow, and years to come.

Death - Greatest statement of a man.

2011-06-26T15:16:00.002+08:00

Death lingers, we all know that. But how often are we appreciative that we aren't otherwise? Rarely. We know too often that many seek it, and only for reasons sane to them.

Death in this world has taken many form, many sayings. But for everyone, it is their last, final true statement to those alive...

How you lived your live, how important you were to people, or otherwise... Can be seen the day at your deathbed... A miser, a fool, Ebenezer Scrooge nearly died alone, on that cold grave stone he was to be laid to rest for a damned eternity. A star, a misunderstood man, the late Michael Jackson celebrated his death with nearly all of the world's nations... Both made a statement, but the latter is usually desired.

Statement... We can rarely make a strong one these days. The world is after all already too saturated with opinions and views... No one really wants to hear the point of another.

But death is probably the only time one can be heard... No need for a note, not need for biographies... People will naturally know that statement. It's the statement of your life... In death.

We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. - Chuck Palahniuk.

Radical workplace experiences.

2011-06-20T22:43:00.004+08:00

So now I'm working at this traditional Chinese instrument shop "Tun Huang Music School", a well-established centre offering lessons in the fine arts and culture of Chinese instruments.

My idea was this, it's still music right? It can't be any different, I'm sure I can take it head-on. After all office boy jobs doesn't need too much critical thinking right?

I banged my head super hard on the corporate wall on the 1st day of the job... 1st thing, I found out my job was not an office boy, but instead I got myself into an apprentice position... And instead of doing petty stuff around the office, I was to follow the master around to TEACH! Teach an instrument I only practice for 1 day... =_=

The dulcimer, or in Chinese, the 扬琴... Good thing I have a percussive background, and I pretty much manage to pick up the technique in minutes... Then the master told me I'll be fine teaching school children.

What??? Okay, sweet... Now I need to re-activate my think-tank... Teaching is not easy... Teaching primary school? Oh no...

And you know what? It turned out to be my old school... LICK HUNG! But man they have a freaking BIG Chinese Orchestra compared to most secondary school. Yes, I didn't type wrong, secondary school. It's like, they have 120+ members. @.@

Now the hard part about teaching is that, instead of the standard western notation, I have to switch to the numbered-notation... Not used to it... And an instrument of which I'm not familiar with... That's tough...

The master is also one hard to get used to... He's a nice guy, really... But like many kinds of artistic person, he is... Eccentric. =3= And we have different approaches to teaching... Very different... He's the soft tai-chi style go slow with the students flow type... I'm the hard-headed in-your-face military boot camp style teaching...

Oh well... Apprentice... It's not easy to be one. But oh well, another week then school starts... By then I think I'll just work for 4 hours a week...

Education, work, driving.

2011-06-15T19:17:00.004+08:00

So how things fall into place since coming back to Subang Jaya? Okay, I'm so free nowadays I rarely update my blog any more... But I'm back, after a week.

Of the progress on my decision for my further education, I've applied, and official accepted into ICOM, pursuing my much wanted prospective career in music with a music degree. Class starts on the 4th July, that leaves me 2 week of free time...

Until I got offered a part-time job~ Tun Huang Music School, huhuhuhuhu, my cup of tea indeed. free-lance, helping the boss run around and do petty stuff, teach a little. This school is Chinese-based, so it's er-hu and la-pa and pi-li-pa-la I'm facing... =_= Dunno if I can actually blend in with my western-influence...

2 weeks full time, and probably weekend part-times when I start school... How nice. Least my hands won't grow hard.

And that bring us to the driving... In Subang Jaya... I simply myself. I got a headache just driving one round to fetch my sister... Blood rush to the head... Stress... AHHHHH

So well, things to become, or to come... No idea... Head too pain to think at the moment.

Coming home.

2011-06-08T23:40:00.003+08:00

I used to write faster and come up with things to write when the music plays... It feels different now, I seem to need silence to write nowadays...

Shifting back to Putra Heights, this abode of mine that I left for nearly 7 years... Just only last week have I moved in finally to this place. But it doesn't feel like home yet, I guess I was away too long, nor did I actually ever felt myself here in the first place...

If I never did shifted out of here, I can imagine the me that's still quiet and not willing to come out of his invisible shell...

Shifting always changes a person... Even up till now, I can feel the change that comes from this shift...

Thinking back and counting, this home of mine is already 9 years old... But to be frank, I barely lived 3 years here.

Coming home, but not feeling home... It's a hard feeling to describe... I left my heart back in Sitiawan, placed in her hands to keep... I left my mind in Sitiawan, sitting in the band room of Nan Hwa... I left my bike in Sitiawan, parked in the porch of my friend's house. I left Sitiawan, but Sitiawan has yet to leave me...

I long for many things... But it's going to be a long time before I can satisfy such longing.

I'm home, yet I feel the need to go home still... Wait for me.

Gadgets a-many.

2011-05-25T15:49:00.003+08:00

Just the 4 days before, my 2nd sister passed me her previous phone, a Sony Ericsson Aino, which was barely a year in used. She switched to the iPhone bandwagon, thus the hand-me-downs ritual~

Well I'm definitely happy, but that also comes with a burden. As all gadgets, the bane of maintenance comes with it... So yeah, I'm already the electronic freak... Yet I have so many things in my wish-list.

And now since my uncle from the US is back, it's like Santa Clause to me and my younger sister~

And ever since the last trip, it's turning from chocolates and candy to gadgets and electronics...

And even until now, I still pretty much am in disbelief that I own an iPod touch... Yes I just received it just now as a gift from my uncle!

WEEEEE~~~~

New toy for the big boy, wuahahaha, and my sister's finally gonna have the satisfaction of owning my previous iPod, something she's been eyeing since the day I got it. So, oh well, all's well ends well.

And that's not the end of it apparently... My cousin sister (my uncle's daughter) told me there's more to come tonight...

I feel like a kid again! >w<

Don't mean to brag, but oh well, I won't be bringing them out of the house often anyway... I think. :x

And off I go~

I Failed.

2011-05-18T16:47:00.005+08:00

Chilly this morning, just the way I like it. Woke up at 6:30am this morning to because I had to retrieve something from school urgently. And after that, it's the usual wait for the driving institute's driver to come pick me up to go to the institute... Only this time, it wasn't for lessons, but the real deal, the test...

Call me a wee bit nervous yet, I try to boast a little confidence (maybe even over-confidence) to ease myself. Seeing a huge crowd of people who were also sitting the test, made me feel anxious... And I didn't know why. About half the people who were there this morning were actually sitting through a re-take.

Zhi Yin was also there. We chatted a bit, talking about our past driving endeavors, and how nervous we were... She was waiting to sit the car test as well.

Soon, I registered and went to the waiting area for the "Parking" section of the test. Somehow, I felt a little more relaxed in this part, cause it's in a controlled environment, and as long as I follow the book, nothing could go wrong. My turn came, and I took on the vehicle. Going through those obstacles was a bit nerve wrecking when I did, but I managed to pull through. Perfect scores, how nice, so I passed.

Coming back to the registration waiting area, I had to wait another round, this time, it was the road test, where I actually have to face real-life road conditions... Zhi Yin went off with her parking test soon enough. And after about 45 minutes later, she came back, telling me she had pass.

But I was still waiting...

Another 15 minutes or so, it came to me, my turn to take on the road. Went through the checking procedure, reversed, and off I go onto the road. I felt a little more confident actually, after warming up with the parking. Going to route "B", it was my favorite, since I personally find it easy to take on. Everything went smoothly...

Until I reached the school. When I turned in the junction leading to the road next to the school, there was a huge bunch of students walking in the middle of the road, obstructing me to go on further. Thinking that since the right side of the lane was clear, I steered my way around the students who were still slacking away, and off I go. I thought nothing of it, and the rest of the journey was smooth enough.

When I reached back the centre, I was a wee bit dumbfounded that I failed... The examiner explained to me that in the condition I faced just now, I could've brake and stop, allowing the students to fully clear the way before moving again, and by overtaking them, it killed my score and immediately voided me of a pass...

Great, now I miss being a student, king of the road, always right and never wrong in an accident as long as in uniform...

Going home, a bit disappointed, but still hopeful all the same. My next attempt would be the next Friday, I should be a bit more alert by then.

Arrived home, Zhi Yin texted me that she passed, in a way I'm green with envy, but then I'm also happy for her, she needn't go through what I went through. Congratulations to her.

Driving test? Failed... Forever? No, just once, mark my words. ;)

In a pot.

2011-05-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

Well so to say the things that happened recently... Connection is bad, which is the reason why I feel demotivated from posting anyway.

So 1st things 1st, half of my audition pieces is completed, just one song to go.

Driving? Next week Wednesday is the test. Wish me luck.

I have a sudden impulse to buy myself a new guitar lately... A Yamaha F310 Acoustic body, steel string model to be exact. And the strangest part is, my mum's WILLING to buy it. @.@ Now I feel bad all of a sudden, maybe I should go for a cheaper model...

So I guess that's all I can write for now... Limited ideas and inspiration lately.

Till then~

Seeing.

2011-05-06T21:30:00.002+08:00

Observational qualities, the gift of analysing a situation given to oneself before taking the leap, the ability to determine the conditions of a being by their movements and habits without needing much time to know them, the habit of taking into account the changes around oneself. Through the whole day today, somehow that's the message I've been receiving by providence.

To come this point I do realise I lack the quality of observation. Skin-deep understanding, I must admit, ruled me these few years. I tend to look at the things present only above surfaces of a present condition.

But alas I think with an opposing view now. Indeed the need for analysing is graver than I expected, moving into reality.

What can I achieve now? What can I do? Learn from mistakes.

And to conclude that indeed, I should start taking into account, the things that happen around me.

May fly.

2011-05-05T20:13:00.002+08:00

So I'm moving into the 5th month since graduating from high school. What can I say now?

Preparing my audition materials... Again another rush job by me... Gotta get it done by the end of the month... ICOM auditions are actually on the 7th of May. But I'm going for the alternate method...

VIDEO AUDITION

I wonder though... Who will be wiling to lend me their video camera to me?...

Driving is... Going smoothly so far, I can only hope to be better in the coming rounds.

So my prediction? May will fly like nobody's business. Yeah, and I'll be leaving Sitiawan for good soon.

May come flying, every year.

Sinful me.

2011-04-29T15:27:00.003+08:00

Warning: Religious content.

They say a drastic title is needed sometimes, because with it simplifies the story...

I usually do not write about spirituality because I find myself lacking in knowledge of it...

But with that rash title I had selected, I go on with myself then...

Lust, Idolatry... The 2 deadly sins I am facing... It is simple if you want to understand it simple...
1) I lust.
2)I'm losing my attention toward The Lord...

I tend to take for granted Grace. Men had always taken it too lightly... Sin, then repent. Sin, then repent.

Have I since taken so lightly the cruel death that Christ Jesus had to put up with? Taken for granted that Grace is just like a fruit tree... I pluck it any time I want to...

Indeed, it is hard to live a Christian... I sin and sin and sin... And yet I still embrace it...

I'm starting to think of this post a small prayer of mine... I find it easier to write out thoughts than say it out...

It's always that eternal conflict between earthly dwellings and the search for true oneness with The Lord... Only achievable through Faith... Is mere faith alone enough? Or there is an actual biblical definition of faith that in fact most men fail to follow?

Doubts linger... I succumb to earthly pursuits day by day... I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit fumble inside me day by day... Have not already my heart turned hard, as like the way-side soil, infertile for growth?...

I can only pray for guidance...

Lord have mercy... Amen...

Decisions and determinations.

2011-04-25T19:42:00.002+08:00

Back to Putra Heights for now. What did I do today? Went to ICOM for one more inquiry session. Clarified the audition procedures, and application period. So I can say I am pretty relieved for now.

So the audition can be done live or I can opt. to send in a demo tape of me playing. Drum sets, not really my prime, but for Malaysia that's the only outlet for a percussionist in a formal education of music.

Songs I intend to audition with? 3 is required, I only thought of 2. "Young Man Y.M.C.A." and "Goodbye My Love". 3rd song, still undecided.

Deadline is mid-of-June, hopefully I can make it.

So here's my commitment in black and white. I will finish this 3 songs by the end of May and will have them ready for filming by start of June.

A reply to a letter that will never come.

2011-04-22T20:49:00.002+08:00

Remind me how many times did I put you in disappointment again? Saying sorry is easy, but to mean it is hard... What does it take to mean it? I take that it means that change should come after the apology...

I may never see that letter of yours come. You burnt it anyway, and regrettably even I think I don't deserve to read that letter. I did intend this reply to be an apology, but would you take it anyway?

I never liked the cold wars between us, thankfully in the past it never did lasted too long anyway. But this time, it feels like you're distancing further and further.

Somehow, among us two, it's you who always have the situations where you get the right to be angry. I envy that sometimes.

Sad? I doubt I deserve to be. Trying to make you feel bad with this reply? Actually deep down in me, I want to... I'm weak of spirit sometimes. I lack initiative, I'm sorry. I already apologized for that many times, not only to you, but to many people. Then again, you'd probably not want to listen.

Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard. Nevertheless if it takes a burnt letter to save the string between us from burning, so be it. If it doesn't, well I can't do anything.

I know you won't leave, not that easily. If a small matter like this will, I can't say anything, again. Yes avoidance, that's what we all do... Yet you seem to momentarily not taking my presence as existing.

So what's my point in this reply? To say I'm sorry? Partly. I'm not giving up on improving, so that you know. Give me time, and all I ask for is your patience... And then you come texting me when I'm about to finish this letter. "Sweet~"? Yes, sweet indeed.

What do you want from me? I can only keep guessing.

Monday blues in the middle of April.

2011-04-17T20:46:00.004+08:00

Driving lessons tomorrow again. Monday blues still affect me even after my schooling days.

Driving? Just like most limb-coordination motor-skills, I pick up really, really slow... I think I gave the instructor last Saturday nightmares.

Just came back from the movies. "Source Code". Nothing too impressive, but for entertainment, it's good, and decent plot satisfying most sci-fi fans.

I don't feel like driving la tomorrow... >< >< ><

But I have to go through this someday.

Looking for an answer... Yet I'm still sitting here alone, waiting for the rabbit to bang its head on a tree so I can get a free meal... Aimless as ever. Hope my next trip back to KL can settle most things...

April come hallucinations.

2011-04-14T16:43:00.002+08:00

Running around town, spending time, using up money... I think I'm giving people impressions that I'm living a prodigal life...

Yes, apart from learning to drive, I have absolutely no other valid reasons I should be in Sitiawan... But I felt the need to be here anyway... I'm escaping reality, I want a holiday! I admit. I can't bare facing my home without a solid answer to my future. My heart? Still stuck at band...

Decisions so far? Music performer (drums), piano tuner, audio and sound engineer.

Right, so yes at least I have a list to myself...

But I still keep having hallucinations of myself failing in life... So here right now I wanna slap myself awake by reminding myself the promises of yesteryear...

Failure is the mother of all success, you promised yourself results aren't important; Determination, creativity, perseverance, will power... That was what I promised myself... To have them and proceed with my dreams. Keep it simple...

A shoulder to cry on.

2011-04-10T21:57:00.003+08:00

Maybe being a musician wasn't that suited for me after all. Maybe my illusion of an aspiring musician all this years, was nothing but dreams that are too sweet to exist...

Well, I'm at the peak of my dilemma now. Having so many people telling me all the things to consider before making the leap, I only see more and more things that I lack, that I can't seem to achieve...

I think about technical field of music... Yes, the back-up plan... Can never go wrong right? Well, dignity and pride overrides me... I feel, lousy, if I end up just pursuing it for the sake of a job...

Called mum just now, yes even a guy my age needs his mum to talk to. Shared my problems again, insecurities... Separation, makes the heart grow fonder, indeed...

And I felt better. Well everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes.

I worry about my future, my credibility, and my standings in the society, partly because of me, partly because of my family. But also another part would be you... How can I afford to be in love, when I can't even afford to feed myself? Well, maybe our parents can laugh at our relationship now, thinking it cute and part of growing, but when the time comes, I'll be facing questions on how worthy I am to have you beside me... But it is MY worry, you're not the reason, don't blame yourself. Just felt you needed to know... - to my significant other.

Undang test.

2011-04-07T15:18:00.002+08:00

Ok, so today I went to the undang test, given that I took 2 weeks with ample of time to prepare, anyone would expect me to score a perfect 50 over 50.

But in truth, I only started studying last night... Rushing to finish the 500 question book, I stopped at 400 because it was too late... -_-

So this morning, one of my institute's drive fetched me to the MyEG centre behind "I DO" bridal studio... And when he dropped me there, he told me I gotta find my own way back. I was like, "What the HECK??"

Went in, registered... Yes I was nervous. It took me about 20 minutes to finish, kind of long compared to many of my friends. With about 10+ unsure answers, I was so freaking worried I'd fail... Took a deep breath, clicked the "Semak Jawapan" button...

"LULUS"

Woooooooohooooooo!!!!!! Yeah baby, 46 out of 50, not a bad score. But the officers told me their system is having error today, so I can only get my license and certificate tomorrow...

SO here I am, gonna drive soon. Wish me luck on the clutch controls, the notorious clutch and hil test... ><

Of the Soul.

2011-04-04T14:42:00.002+08:00

When discussing about the matter of the afterlife, different people give different response. Forming perceptions on death is a staggering topic often tabooed and shun upon by many. Some of the mildly religious will scorn and frown upon its mention, while holy men beat their chest with confidence where they are going.

With the current society we live in today where freedom of choice and expression reign, mankind has given up on the significance of religion. With hectic schedules and multiple deadlines to meet every second, the last thing on an average man's mind would be death. This phenomenon comes from the notion that there is nothing too consequential in the life after death. On the basis of science, theories of our origin based on scientific method have stand up and contradicted every living religion there is today. In the past the only hints available to men are the holy books, of origin we all debate until today.

Why then, with the basis of science to disprove the very root of religion, that many still fight till death to stay in their beliefs? With the theory of evolution shaking the very foundations of Judaism, Christianity and Islam, the 3 largest religions in the world, Why man commit their trust unto seemingly untrue beliefs?

By a strand of faith. A weak argument yes, an unexplainable feeling. It's not insanity, it's not dumbness, nor is it gullibility. But come when you understand that soul of yours, it'll make you want to grow closer to that religion, and stay faithful. Why? I can't answer.

Into April this year.

2011-04-02T17:30:00.006+08:00

Okay, this post will basically be dedicated to my personal list of to-dos this month of April. But I found my previous list-out style of to-dos rather uninteresting after going back at them few days ago, so I'll do it by paragraphs this time around.

As my personal tradition goes, April is suppose to be the month I go be bald again. But this time, I'm already bald, so I don't have to trim. XD

And for 2008 and 2009, it is the English Drama period. This year, it is my wish to go and watch my school team try and grab the title once again. Sri Tan and Benjamin are participating, with trumpeting as part of it, should be interesting. Ms Lim will be using her initial 2010 script of Cinderella with a twist, probably her most elaborate work yet. Too bad I couldn't act it since 2010 canceled the drama competition, I got the lead role... -_- Well, all the best to them.

I also intend to finish two thirds of my driving lessons by the end of the month, given the time here I have.

I also intend to record 2 out of the 3 audition videos I need for signing up in ICOM... I'll be focusing on set-drumming, 3 songs in my mind. YMCA, Goodbye My Love and maybe Malaguena.

Yup, the things that need doing for the month of April.

March of fools.

2011-03-31T21:17:00.002+08:00

Last day of March 2011. Which leads to April fools'.

Once again, I think of malice and mayhem that I want to do. Each year gets better and better, muahahaha~!

I'm already thinking of something. Something really juicy. Orange juice! With a twist that is (pardon the pun).

Maybe I'll do ye olde practical jokes, that will never get old. XD

And so as I move into the months fools, I just hope I don't get stuck there. So far I believe for the school goers, this month will be the peak of boredom. Good luck!

Jumping between lines.

2011-03-29T22:03:00.002+08:00

So there I was jumping between lines, going forth, rocking back...

It was a whirlwind ride. Something that felt so right, and then so wrong again.

One moment came the fun, the next moment came the consequences.

Sure the lines are really thin, really fine, I could easily step between the two.

And if either side had a colour, one is black, the other grey?

Yes I really enjoyed the black, since the other was grey anyway, why bother? Both are corrupted anyway.

NO! Wrong is wrong, even when a little right is there, it helps...

Well... Temptation still abounds...

Don't try to understand this post, you will very likely fail to digest it down.

Stuffed to the nines at Sunway.

2011-03-28T10:18:00.010+08:00

It's a loooooooong time since I felt that full, filled to the brim, the edge, all walls expanded in my stomach.

Met up with Justin last night in Sunway Pyramid. Scouting for food as usual, looking around and all. At first we thought we'd get some nice pizzas at Papa John's, but somehow it changed to seafood at maybe Manhattan Fish Market. But we saw Bubba Gump was around town so we switched. BUT, we eventually settled for an Italian pasta restaurant which I fail to remember the name... But it was decided by 2 flip of a coin...

The meal was lovely, the pasta was really really good (maybe because I rarely have pasta). The menu had only 2 pages of food. Call me being used to the typical Malaysian fusion cafes where their menus span to over 10 pages of seemingly elaborate food, so I was a wee bit uneasy with selecting from the list. I eventually settled for carbonara, and shared a tomato veggie soup and pizza with him.

Well, as long as the food's good, nothing else needs saying XD. After a brief walk around the mall scouting for Starbucks, we finally found it. Sat down for coffee, and soon we discussed about... What else? Band, its members and all (and a bit about college girls too)... Well, we're guys right, not to mention we both are yellow?

FlyFM had a competition finale right outside the orange atrium last night, so we went and had a look when we passed by. It's basically a lucky draw based competition with 200 initial participants. Names were drawn and they had to pick a key and try to open the door on stage. After an hour later, with 20 participants left, the door finally opened...

A Malay dude won (he nearly walked away from it, had the key-master not check), and he proposed to his girlfriend there and then. Prize money? RM60,000, and he intends to use it for a shopping spree, while Justin kept insisting he should have selected paying the house down-payment 1st.

With that done, it was already about 10pm plus. Headed back to Justin's place, waited for my dad to pick me up. So we watched some American Idol videos... Adam Lambert is beast! And soon I was home.

Back home, stuffed and unable to sleep that soon, went and Skyped someone, and since, she's been talking more. But...

I didn't just played her with words did I? Last night's conversation felt so, forbidden...

Late night thoughts.

2011-03-26T00:15:00.002+08:00

It's midnight. If you count morning as later, then band practices are later. Thinking at this time of the day, is a very intriguing feeling.

Well, 3rd day in a row she fell asleep while texting. Must be tiring for her this few days. Hmmm, loneliness still fill the room I sleep in. And I think to myself, how long will this go on. I'm still young, too young... Doubts linger, every time, every night.

Yeah, life goes on, band goes on. Qing Ming period, so later's band attendance should be rather dull...

It's late, lest I want to be without energy later, off I go.

The visitor.

2011-03-24T15:13:00.005+08:00

A day after the SPM results unveiling... Leaves much to be desired...

Well now I know my results and all, but I don't know where to go...

SO today I went to Intan Kopitiam, my ex-neighbourhood coffee shop for breakfast, then to Cosplay for a quick gaming session with Joshua... To say the least, it's for old time's sake...

Then went home... Green Green asked me to invite Rachel and her mum over for laksa. WHY ME???

Well since she asked, I invite...

3:00pm, knock on the door. I went and open... O_O She was right there in front of me.

SO yeah, showed my room and its untidiness to her... Spot check or surprise visit?...

Right then, a quick chat, and hand shake? o_O Then she's off. So now I'm here writting... -_-

School later, not too sure what I'd do with the sectionals. Benjamin probably gonna force me to help him teach Joey again. What ever it be, I guess it's better then staying home...

And I'm away~

SPM results

2011-03-23T13:41:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 7:30am with a sweaty palm... NO, I was not anxious about the results, I'm afraid I would be late for the McDonalds Big Breakfast coupon offer. XD

So me, Jia Xun and Siew Wei went to McDonalds for the big breakfast offer this morning, just to make sure our stomachs are filled before going to get our results. RM5 spent and you get 2 big breakfast set!

So we went to school t about 9:40am. Siew Wei was a wee bit nervous, so as Jia Xun. I was also a bit, but I daresay I'm more composed than them. :x

10am and the school was filled with all the 2010 alumni. We were 1st given our graduation cert... I didn't get mine!!! I failed Chinese during form 5...

Well then came the main event... What the heck only 1 teacher is giving out the exam results... So it was a long line...

Waiting, waiting, waiting... My turn... Signed...

2A, 2B, 3C, 1D, 1E, 1G... That my friends, is what I learned in kindergarten, ABCDE...

Hmmm, I failed Chinese... And nearly got an A for Physics, instead I got B+... But apart from this 2 subjects, I'm pretty much happy with what I gotten.

SO I'd say thank goodness I pass most of the subjects and that I can finally proceed with a clearer picture on my future pursuits.

Bringing back military into the band?

2011-03-22T21:44:00.002+08:00

Well if some of you noticed, I'm very obviously starting to use National Service training techniques in the band...

I personally don't intend to glorify or flaunt my NS experience but because I honestly believe that in a way some of their training techniques are effective, thus my want to try it out on the band.

Well if you think it is not suitable, hear my points 1st...

This IS after all a military band, its roots stem from the army system of bringing up disciplined members. Going through NS sort of knocked in some knowledge of how real military trains. In a way it relates to our current command system, footwork and all. Thus I'm just sort of trying to go back to roots, it is after all tradition?

I know maybe you'll not get used to more shouting from me, but well, see if I can work a little to get you all to be serious in line like we used to in the past... Main concern are the younger group...

SO yeah, do support, I'm not angry or trying to be angry, I just want a little shocker and lots of co-operation.

Taking on... THE WORLD.

2011-03-21T23:00:00.003+08:00

In 2 days time, SPM results will be out. The thought of it scares some, some don't give a damn, some already predicted their results...

Well no matter what results you end up with, you'll continue life with moving on into independence...

So as I make my steps toward braving the world, I changed my blog theme, weee~ XD

But yeah, the world ain't pretty. I got a taste of it in NS, what type of people I'll meet and all.

And so, here I hath cometh!

Volatile is the word.

2011-03-20T20:06:00.002+08:00

How are things going in life... I ask myself this every time I try to blog a post. It's been like this recently...

Leaving camp for a week to taste reality wasn't smooth sailing. I could only say that mentality is key to survival in this harsh world...

Trauma out of truth hurts deep and leaves big wounds... I have to say I'm starting to find my feet cold and heart lonesome. Call it a pity party for myself, something I never will have thought of doing 17 years past.

Alas conversations can run volatile. You always leave me wondering what is your true emotion and state when we talk... What is going through your head, I wonder, since you have yet to reply.

Where is life heading for me? I don't have the heart to read through undang, I don't have the heart to find my soul, I don't have the heart to look for a job, heck I don't have a heart to work out my future!

Insanity creeping in... Idleness is a killer... I need instructions, for I lack initiative. I knew of it since camp, and challenged myself to change. Who knew it would be so hard??

Words, can only describe so much of my plight... Somehow everyone has to get through this period in life...

I only dread, for one time in my life, that I'm not with family, believing that now I need them most... I yield in thoughts... Alas, alas...

Self-discovery.

2011-03-15T09:24:00.002+08:00

Opening a new chapter in life isn't easy, but I need to move on anyway. Doubts come, fears come, stress comes...

Coming back National Service was small milestone for me. Now I will be spending the next 3 months or so in Sitiawan.

Many of you will question my decision. Let me explain, that the 1st of my priorities is getting my driver's license, which would be many times tougher if done in KL.

Then there's the self-discovery...

After 17 years thinking that I know myself very well, I start to doubt that confidence for one time in my life, that is now... Music, it wasn't always music that I wanted, only recently that I became serious about pursuing in this field.

But I don't feel good enough, I don't feel that I can do it, I doubt, I lose my confidence every time someone ask me just what makes me think that I can handle this career. Performance art isn't easy, and I've yet to reach that standard.

Then there's a technical field in music. I was thinking of finding a job working for Mr. Tan, that was my ideal working field for the next 3 months, hat is IF Mr. Tan has a job to offer... So that's another blur...

There is also my relationship... It's hard to describe this feeling, I'm looking for something and I thought I found it in my partner. Yet I feel a bit dislocated every time we're together, I don't feel myself yet. Love her? Yes. You sure? Yes. What makes you love her? Speechless... I do feel it, yes, but I'm searching for the purpose, that burning passion. So that's another reason I stay.

Self discovery... Leave me in my thoughts then, I'll search my soul and check my purpose.

National Service CNY break, the report.

2011-02-04T11:57:00.002+08:00

Soooo. National Service, NS in short. How has that 1 month been?

1st week.
Most boring week. You eat 6 meals a day and the time in between, you sleep. The timetable for that week is something like this:
7:30am Breakfast
10:30am Morning Tea
12:30pm Lunch
4:30pm Evening tea
6:30pm Dinner
10:30 Supper
Everything in between is free time, or rather sleep time. You may ask why all the free time? This is because, during the 1st week, trainees from different places will come and register on different days throughout the week. I'm part of the very "lucky" group of trainees who made it to camp on the very 1st day, and had to endure the remaining empty days...

I was designated to the squadron "Fulchrum" named after our country's Royal Air Force's still in service Mig 29 jet fighter. The other squadrons were "Black Hawk", "Sukhoi" and "Hornet", all named after servicing aircrafts to the Royal Air Force. Our Camp Commandant is a Major of the Air Force, some of our trainers are from TUDM, most are from the army. Now what's unique about this camp is that they don't follow the standard naming of the companies, instead their called squadrons here. "Alpha", "Bravo", "Charlie" and "Delta" dominate the other camps throughout Malaysia, but not this one. Yay for Kem White Resort!

2nd week.
Introduced to the "roll calls", the time when the squads gather in the hall and the leaders take head count of the members in the squad. 1st time doing this, everyone was in a mess. No lines were formed, no sign of basic discipline, no hope for the leaders to take control. It was chaotic... Until we all got it from the instructors... ><>

So when we finally learned the basic roll call procedures, we moved on to learn that there were 5 roll calls a day, that's a lot... The hardest roll call is the morning roll call, at 6:30am, not in the hall, but on the marching field. You're supposed to be in line in attention mode, not flinching nor moving, all when you're half asleep. Right after that, the singing of the national anthem, the NS song, taking the national oath and a brief morning prayer for the Muslims. After all that, it's morning physical training...

We were also introduced to character building classes. I actually enjoyed the lessons, their very good compared to your average moral and civic classes combined, by a tenfold leap to be exact, it's that good. Classes were held in the morning.

Now the hard part was at 2:30pm, when the sun was all out in its glory, we trainees have our basic marching classes in half uniform... No sun block, no long sleeves (for guys), no excuse for not doing (until you faint). March and march until 4:30pm, tea time.

For Wednesdays and Thursdays, it's religious classes at night. I dunno about the Muslims, but for us Chinese, it's 2 choices, Buddhist or Christian (sorry free thinkers, you must pick one). Well happy me, Christian classes are all games and song worship. As for the Buddhist, meditation and moral classes.

So after all this, it's 10:30pm time for supper. After supper, it's the final roll call, and after that, it's national anthem, NS song and night prayer for the Muslims. And we get to go back to dorm at 11pm.. After cleaning up and tidying the dorms, it'd be 11;30pm, that's when we get to sleep.

3rd week.
As we got used to 5 hours of sleep a day, I found out that my squadron is one of the most disorganized bunch... Apparently for this year, the batches' trainees aren't determined by academic achievements anymore. That explains why there is the presence of the social misconduct group in the camp. My squadron happens to home quite a big number of this group of people...

After a series of misadventures with the group, having nearly lose an instructor to another squadron, pissing off nearly all the squadron advisers and having nearly the whole group, even girls alienated... We settled it finally with a finger pointing session. Although it showed the animosity between the members, it in a way settled the differences, cause after that, it was the mass forgiving session!

4th week.
after a tiring 2 weeks of physical and mental trainings, I fell sick, we all fell sick. It's hard to write out everything that's happened in camp. Well at least for the final week, it was really hard to describe. Many things did happened.

Our squad got poorest conduct in the final week, we got last. After putting up with us for 3 weeks being nice and friendly, our instructors did what they call "tukar chanel" or simple switch channel. You lose for the week, then you pay for it. 60 push ups at one go, on a tar road, ouch.

Nevertheless, Chinese New Year was around the corner, so everyone's spirit was still up and running.

And since coming back home, I have never felt so thankful before. So I'll be going Sitiawan tomorrow, it's that time of the year to bai nian again! And going back to camp, I'm expecting it to be harder still, because that's when it really becomes physical and tiring.

Genting trip, new year and 2011 possibilities.

2011-01-01T03:19:00.002+08:00

Genting Trip

Genting trip is one thing to remember, at least for me. Waking up early and all excited about it.

And so we went up to the mountain, and outdoor park 1st. I insisted we take the most intense ride as a start, lest it becomes more and more harder to take it when we become shaken by the less a aggressive ones.

And then we were shaken awake by it.

Evening, spent time knowing Rachel better... By drinking coffee and keeping quiet...

And it came, dinner. I rather not mention, really awkward. But somehow I didn't had my usual appetite. Was it because I'm already content, that my stomach is also affected? Amazing.

And we strolled around the highland grounds, enjoying the view, as I enjoyed the company. I like walking around by my own actually, I just don't really get the chance to do so. Cameron Highlands was nice to stroll around actually, speaking of which I noticed I like the highlands.

But having a hand to hold while walking around, looking at nothing, but thinking about many things. I do that too, but I was trying concentrate on feeling your touch.

I don't mind staying out in the cold weather, and believe or not, I enjoy it. But it was a wee bit too cold that night. So I had to snatch some one's jacket... I more importantly I enjoyed the company, I really do.

But it rained and we had to head back. Spent time with the form 5 bunch, and we thought we'd gather at Hui Bao's room, but we decided to take a 1/2 hour rest before going. But before we knew it, the half hour became the whole night...

The next day was routine, almost predictable. Shopping, spend money, eat. Still, it was worthwhile with you.

And the return journey. Nope I never expected you'd bob your head on my shoulder. But then you did, and nope, it's wasn't heavy, I actually felt warmth. O_O Yikes... But it was a first, that feeling of electrical spasm throughout your body. Hug me? Try me.

And so to conclude, the Genting trip was almost exclusively spent with you. But that's how I had expected it to be. :)

New Year eve

I was told first of all that Huah Jiunn has been scouted by Yoi to join Siamyth as a baritonist, with no need for an audition. Huah Jiunn really wants to go, but he wants company. And of all people they think of, they figured I would most likely be the one able to join him along. I'm seriously considering about it, may want to join in as cymbalist, meanwhile learning some battery and pit skills.

Then we move back to new year eve. I'll make it simple: "When the girl in your arms, is the girl in your heart, then you have everything."

Yeah, spent time with Rachel again, only this time, Marina is more crowded, much much more crowded. And I guess I just placed my arm over her a few times throughout? Major electrical spasms within me again.

But yeah, happy new-year, happy 2011, happy to be with you.

And National service will come soon. This blog will be inactive for 3 months. Goodbye for now.

What shall I do at 1760m above sea-level?

2010-12-27T18:26:00.002+08:00

Genting trip this Wednesday with the band. Last time this year to hang around with most of my form 5 buddies.

Looking forward to it much, yet all the same am hoping it doesn't come too quickly. What shall I do during that time.

I was thinking of spending time with you, maybe the outdoor park? Although not all too suitable, but trust me, my friends will probably try avoiding me and ask me to go with you instead. But I'll see how it all goes first.

But come night time, ha ha ha. We won't sleep, and I'm bringing coffee to keep me awake. Gonna yumcha with my bunch until the break of dawn. And if the restaurant management chase us out, we gonna go and have hotel gathering, muahahaha.

And soon after, it will be National Service. Gonna build up some stamina and perseverance.

I just hope it goes well, somewhat yearning to meet up soon, really dreading your absence more and more.

Passing out 2010 "乐一晚".

2010-12-24T13:32:00.003+08:00

Yes, despite not wanting to face the end, my final performance as a member of the Nan Hwa Marching Band came to an end 2 nights past. I came in the band room with nothing, but I left with so much, it would take me a lifetime to impart that amount of experience to others.

My friends, brothers and sisters in heart. The batch I am with is indeed a blessed one. I marched with them through sun and rain, through sweat and blood. Into unfamiliar places facing a common problem, a common hope, a common dream. I had live it through with them.

And passing out was no different, I had one hope that I believe is the same with the rest. Make music, make it good, and make it memorable.

Videos were shown, although I got the feeling only a handful of people enjoyed it. Nevertheless, seeing the many people acknowledging our dedication and contribution to the band, it was all good enough.

Passing out passed as fast as it came. We went McDonald's to have the post-event celebration. Percussion age-outs were then finally given their present. No easy task to unwrap it all, mine had easily 50 layers of wrapping. Hui Ming and Huei Su's ones are worse, they had cello-tape wrapped around several layers compared to mine, which were all papers, Hui Bao was easiest, just 2 layers. Well, when I finally reached the present, it was a friggin' piece of nougat, and a message telling me my real present is in the car... Well? Nevertheless, it was enjoyable.

And we went to Marina Island at 1. Quiet, cool and serene, good time to sleep. And I walked around and stare at the sea. Many things ran-through my mind, many many things.

And I was about to leave, until you said you're coming, and I waited, and came you did.

We talked, not much. It was a lovely evening actually, and I actually enjoyed the company. But it was a bit awkward. But the moon was really round, real darn round. And my hormones were raging. It didn't felt like me talking, yet it was more like I was talking to myself. Still, a warm hand, a cold hand. A warm heart, a cold heart. Maybe we can pull through.

I'll remember this night, 张韵璇.

Time of the coming of Grace.

2010-12-20T12:30:00.002+08:00

Rejoice, be at peace and run around jolly and frolic. Christmas comes around the corner. Passing out comes in 1 day, and I will graduate from the band. Thinking back of my past self, the clueless little boy in form 1, running around the band room with my trumpet in hand... Time comes and goes so quickly.

And rejoice that the coming of Christ happened 2010 years ago, the coming of Grace and Salvation. And that man will rest in his grasp that all sins may be forgiven.

But not to forget death lingers. The sad passing of my neighbour uncle wasn't exactly timely, but ultimately, he fought hard against cancer, and this may be a good thing instead.

Then we come to pass the time when I will leave, not on the 23rd, but the 22nd. Alas I do not stay here longer, but I will come back soon enough. 2011, many the plans I have ado, but we move on.

The time will come where you will realize a passing desire and passion, will just be a passing. And so I will be a passing passion of the band, passing out, here I come. (Another RM50 photo to take...)

More than a word.

2010-12-18T00:30:00.006+08:00

I've been through this feeling much too often in the past. Often I'll dismiss it as passing infatuation. I'll say that it is my inner temptation to flirt and seek attention that is masked by this feeling of innocence. It isn't that simple.

I've been through 3 rejected relations, each subsequent one making me feel more insecure in the sense that I'm not being me. Each subsequent one leaves me wondering whether if any one of it were to be serious, will I actually stay on? I was always choked by my thoughts whenever I tried to put them into words, every I time speak to any of them. I changed because I thought I needed to change, when indeed, it is the former me that I truly enjoy being when around them.

And comes you who surprised me so much with that slap of 3 words. Love is too strong a word for now, it's more than a word. But it is this that shaken me so much in a way, daring, unconfined thoughts into words.

And I feel a bit guilty for feeling the same. And yet, it is also this time I feel it may work out. Just give me time, let me get past my old feelings and thoughts.

But for now, it is Christmas, and passing out is my priority, it has always been my priority for year-end since 2008.

Like, not love... Yet.

Justification of curiousity.

2010-12-15T11:54:00.003+08:00

It started off with a simple guessing game.

It ended up as a revelation.

How will I tell you what I really feel?

How will this eventually go on?

Frankly it won't last, I know all too well.

Frankly it all is just temporary, it happens every time.

But for love it's worth a try.

But for love many men will die.

Take on me.

Backword.

2010-12-14T23:39:00.002+08:00

End of SPM, it brings a lot of meaning to it.

It means the end of my secondary education life. The living ways of that life I knew 5 years ago is fading. Remember the times where even 5 minutes out of the class was like haven as much as it was suicide. The times where I actually was so scared of being reprimanded by the teachers. No more.

It means the departure of many of my friends where for no reason I can just call out their name whenever we meet as if we known each other for 10 years, when in reality we barely know each other. It won't be the same, when we meet a year later, either of us will potentially forget even knowing one another.

Gone is the childish atmosphere, the good ol' I don't care about the world attitude. We are moving into a very dark and dangerous reality... The thought of it is frightening, but life goes on.

And we will finally stand against the test of time, the real deal.

Foreword.

2010-11-21T15:19:00.002+08:00

2 days before the notorious Malaysian Certificate of Education examinations. Before I go to the exams, I just want to remind myself with a few words in the update.

1) Whatever done is done, only regret in search of improvements, but not in search of excuses.
2) The end of SPM will only mark the beginning of the harsh realities of life, be prepared.
3) The worst of results from the exam will mean nothing if determination beyond the exams persist.
4) Just do the best I can and enjoy myself.

See you soon once I'm done, SPM end on 14th December, which is also my birthday :D, that day will be double joy for me.

Wish me not luck, but wish us candidates all the best. Update resumes on 14th December.

Minimalism.

2010-11-11T20:35:00.003+08:00

12 Days to SPM, can't do much, really there is nothing that can be changed, no actions that will justify my past laze, nor any act to save me from this stupor...

LIES!

Final push, and yet I seek a minimalist approach. And we shall see that from the least I hope, the most I can get from it.

We all have something to proof, all we wait for is mere opportunities.

See you soon SPM.

Searching for Sesame Street.

2010-11-07T19:07:00.003+08:00

Sunny days sweeping the clouds away, on my way to where the air is sweet, can you tell me how to get~ how to get to Sesame Street.

We all have that place in our mind, everything is ideal, just the way we feel comfortable with, the days are beautiful and sweet, nothing can go wrong, that Sesame Street, a place where it isn't perfect, yet it is everything we wanted to have.

For me, Nan Hwa is that place, and it isn't perfect, neither is it ideal for everyone. But to me, it means the world to me.

Having graduated so soon, I think back how the 5 years went by so quickly. Facing SPM is becoming more and more numb, for I am at the tip of the iceberg of what will come, grim reality.

So when I am out there fighting for dear life to survive, remind that I have a Sesame Street to look forward to.

Daydreams.

2010-11-04T00:51:00.003+08:00

I always like to imagine myself as a reputable composer and arranger in music, majoring is percussive arts and always doing percussion clinics around Malaysia, arranging music for Nan Hwa Band, teaching and guiding battery line...

I also dream that I get 6 As in SPM - The 3 Science subjects; Add. Maths and Modern Maths; and English.

I dream that I live in Sitiawan, going to my favorite coffee shop to eat breakfast and chat with my buddies before going to conduct any new clinics and being hired to compose for the local film industry.

I do dream about Nan Hwa Band being sponsored by:
Pearl - 7 carbonply snares, 5 carbonply tenors, 5 carbonply basses, auxiliary percussion.

Adams - 3 Artist series 4 1/3 octave marimbas, 2 Artist series 3 octave vibraphones, 1 Concert series xylophone, 1 Concert series bells, 4 different sized Revolution timpani set, all equipped with field endurance frame.

Yamaha - 8 YBB 202 tubas, 24 Xeno Series trumpet, 6 YMP-204 mellophones, 6 YHR-302 horns, 8 YBH-301 baritones, 4 YEP-202 marching euphonium.

Yeah, just some random big dreams... Daydreams...

Analogy of the common man.

2010-10-27T20:14:00.004+08:00

Down the road of the wealthy a peasant walks, scorned and sneered by is he. Had not he a workload bear, need his cup filled with sweat be, nor his food his blood splatters?

And the rich who dines in food of his bounty? Seeing his place in the lushness of Rosemary and Elder, of birds that flock and wealth that abound him, ignoring the starving, the poor, the homeless and the dying.

It takes a fool to wish to be king, and a foolish king to wish for wine and women, eventually the State of he collapses.

And had not the common man be left out in the lust of money, or the agony of poverty? Has he not the decision?

Why peasants stay poor? Why aristocrats remain blind? Why do the every-man lust? It is a foolish world; a mad world, to exist in social classes.

Democracy is dying.

Victim of conditions.

2010-10-25T21:05:00.004+08:00

24th of October, we all knew it was Hong Leong's birthday, and yesterday we the bunch went to his place to celebrate. And happy yes we were, pleasant party and all. Siewei was generous enough to fetch us bunch to go there.

Decent place he has, good food, nice ambiance, a karaoke lounge and most importantly, friends to celebrate with.

And we ate and we sang, and we sang and we drank, and we sang and we ate, and we ate and we drank...

Until it was around 11pm, time to get home and going. All was well, pretty good, joking and laughing ourselves silly...

Then it happened... Cross junction in front of Hui Bao's shop. We turned left only to collide with a motorbike on our left side, which appeared out of no where, and we didn't even noticed!

The rider flew quite a distance, it was a lady, we were all in shock... We quickly went down to inspect and help out the situation. Siewei was definitely shaken, eventually breaking down to tears in slight panic much later. I was also shaken (partly due to concern over Siewei's well being too, seeing her so shaken-up like that), although the accident itself wasn't at all severe. Just minor cuts and scratches on the bike-rider (although she herself was in a deep state of shock as well).

Waited for her parents' arrival to better handle the situation before heading back home... Good thing my house was walking distance from there, although eventually, it was JXun's mum to give a lift, thanks to you Auntie.

So if you're reading Siewei, I'll say stay strong. (Received news this morning that the motorbike was in the wrong.)

Regrets on ELS,

2010-10-21T20:13:00.002+08:00

English Language Society, my apologies to you. I failed to pull off the society this year, a very inactive year.

Receiving the Certificate of Appreciation last week for my duties as President of the society, with that row of words written, "For excellent service & contribution", haunted me for the week past... Nowadays, certificates can tell lies.

But I have to admit, in reality I failed to properly plan out and carry productive activities for the society. Instead, I just played along with the status quo of every year, scrabble and spelling bee, albeit also rather unattractively.

Had I stepped-down earlier, maybe someone better could've taken the job. The decision to let the form 5s continue heading as the leading committee was one mistake, I agreed along all because I had hypocritical intentions, along with a mild lust for power. Maybe the form 4s could do a better job. That decision worked against me, as I find myself more and more occupied toward band activities, SPM pressures and the fact that I don't spend a lot of time thinking about ELS.

But what's done is done, and indeed I am looking to improve on this point on my part. All I hope is for a better ELS next year. Sorry ELS 2010, all the best next year.

Death lingers.

2010-10-19T14:16:00.003+08:00

My neighbour's old faithful dog of the streets. It has been 3 years since knowing it. Up until now, it is taking its last breaths, shivering, hungry, dying alone at this very moment I write.

I can't do anything, nothing much, for it isn't my dog. My neighbour has been travelling a lot lately, and his house pets are left to the care of his children during his absence. Yeah, it was about 3 weeks ago, things got worse. Neglected this dog was by his children, under-fed, mild sickness took over it.

My family tried to ease its hunger, fed him some bones and meats every now and then. But it will usually refuse, faithfully waiting for the master's return.

That day didn't came, and the dog is now lying down sick, cold and hungry. Salivating non-stop, flies starting to abound it, the sign of death too close to it.

Painful is that sight, pain is in my heart, if only I could do more, if only I could save it, if not save, least be its pain lessened. Sadness filled me, but I do not cry, I can't seem to cry, so I had to write it out.

Well, death is painful, it happens, I only hope it comes quickly, lest the dog's pain end soon.

Diminished thoughts.

2010-10-17T20:30:00.004+08:00

There was this time in my life where everything went pass smoothly, year end, when school ends in the middle of November. Not this year for obvious reasons.

Studying on and off now, thinking to myself occasionally that it is sufficient and yet all the same lacking. Right now, I am so clueless to my wants and needs, all the same I can fill this void with a little cheer, come band to practice, whack up some zombies on screen...

YET, my mum will come into the picture, start lecturing, pushing, pressing me to open the book more often... I know, it's for the greater good, but for so many years past, this time of the year is my relaxation peak, now I am not prepared mentally to take this task.

Damn National Service, without you, many more of my burdens will be lifted.

Random fact: In the past, I always referred my hometown as KL. I will rectify that notion now, for in actuality, my hometown is really Subang Jaya. I just always mentioned KL because I always considered the central region as a whole, and even if I mentioned Subang Jaya, I doubt anyone here will know where exactly is it. But from henceforth, I will refer back to my place as Subang Jaya, since I am going back anyway.

Going back to primary times.

2010-10-12T20:23:00.004+08:00

I'm shifting back to Subang Jaya next year, and among the first moves, it'd be my sister.

My younger sister is transferring to my old school - Lick Hung, out of the many other schools available, much to my surprise towards the decision by the education department there. Back in Subang Jaya, the school of which I grew up with from standard 1 to 4. I never fail to recall all the darker times back there, my constant sloth, pressure by teachers and constant homework overload, daily canning by my teachers, never-ending competition of the grades between some students...

I don't know how prepared she is to face all that. Well actually, she's facing that already right here right now. But I fear it might be worse.

Then again, the good times back there existed. I do have friends yes, but with much regrets now, indeed I fail to know them fully, and despite recently contacting up with many of my old-time classmates, I fail to remember many of them. Given the opportunity, I will definitely want to try and know them more.

Then comes my sister, as much I know the culture in the mid-zone of Malaysia, it should be quite a huge rat-race, I truly hope she can fit in, and not alienate herself.

Cheers to my sister, she is transferring this Friday, All the best to her.

Fingerprints.

2010-10-10T12:18:00.005+08:00

Alas! Boredom. Out of it, men made many things that were initially useless, but over the decades, became the greatest inventions and discoveries.

And so, I made this:

Nan Hwa Band @ 2010 Wallpaper

But I don't intend to mean this is anything great, just wanna share.

Then again, it is sort of like the fingerprints we left throughout the whole year of 2010.

Well, band had always been a very big part of my life, so indeed, it is hard to get out of me even at this point.

So, might as well embrace the creativity it brings. :)

Only The Beginning.

2010-10-10T11:56:00.003+08:00

In hours of dusk; the golden thread the horizon reveals.

Day of the Child up in the sky; upon a land barren and wasted he stares down.

Life of the Air covering the land; his limbs shredded and leaves shaken.

Shadow of the Earth; mind set unto greed and sin the foundations devoured.

Hath not the Earth's green be, O' ones who proclaim intelligence?

Hath not ye of mind and matter, allow yonder lives perish away?

Hath not ye of compassion an mercy, begotten brethren and forsaken families?

Of twisted abominations and crisis of the World, it all is only the beginning.

What's in a day?

2010-10-04T21:14:00.002+08:00

Waking up this morning felt different, I finally snapped back into reality. The urge to study has finally overwhelm me, after 10 years in schooling life, this is my 1st time feeling so keen on knowledge.

Going to school, eyes wide open, not falling back to sleep... I suddenly feel prepared for my first and final encounter with SPM, 49 days away from me.

Looking back 10 years past, I see that lazy incompetent me become what I am today, call me vain, but I can't help but feel rather satisfied with where I stand today.

I know flaws still abound me, but life is a polishing process. I seek knowledge, but I too hope in humility.

Sitiawan, my abode for 5 years, and my home for years to come. Learning, growing and living here feels nothing like what I lived before coming to this humble little town. Sadly, I leave for Selangor next year, and I seek to finish off my final days in glory.

Peace be with us, hopes aplenty.

Final days sitting on the fence.

2010-10-01T13:41:00.002+08:00

Months of August and September passed with no more than 4 updates from me. My target to write constantly was broken last two months.

Moving forward, while looking back, 5 years. 5 YEARS. Although short considering the human lifespan being around 75-85, yet if you think in this way, 356 days are a heck load of time to get pass. Or so I thought...

Again I cannot help but emphasize on the fact time just is and will always be too fast. 5 Years in secondary school is just too little time in the limelight. The immense experience, friends, joys and tears, in this short of 5 years, now reaching its climax.

I sit on the fence during this few final days, not knowing where I want to stand, that illusive image of having a music career is running away further and further. Should I actually go for performance or technical? It's so puzzling for me now.

Not just that, I'm also in a great state of confusion. A moment I see the glass as half full, then the next I see it as half empty. My want for study is always on a swing, coming back with full force only to go away yet again.

Final days, sitting on this fence looking around me for decisions. We all will face this dilemma eventually, and right after SPM, things will only get worse.

And the day I say goodbye to Nan Hwa will soon come.

Isn't it rich?

2010-09-25T13:45:00.001+08:00

Reading JXun's post, I too feel like I wanna write something...

My first step into the band room during form 1, until my final beat of the drum in TIMBC. Words cannot describe that experience. After 3 weeks since TIMBC, the bittersweet feeling still lingers in me.

Remembering the times of sweat and seriousness, we grew up much during our time in band, going through the basic training years, to joining in the competition as a rookie.

Reaching to where I stand now, only immense regret that it is all over can describe what it feels.

Recalling the times spent in 2007, basic marching, playing technique and member disciplines. 2008, my first year in competition, going to KL naive and unprepared, 2009, going to Ipoh to taste failure, and finally to this year, where we made history for Nan Hwa.

Looking back all the criticism my seniors once gave me, the disagreements between my comrades, the things I taught my juniors. Brings down tears in my heart every time.

Form 5 @ TIMBC

Form 5 Percussionist

Bless my soul, I'm a lonely soul, cause I won't let go of anything I hold, but all I need is the air I breath and a place to rest. And forward I will move on, time to let go of the things I once hold dear.

Aging out with the Prince of Egypt 2

2010-09-19T01:04:00.001+08:00

Continued from part 1~

4th September
Waking up to the day of the semi-finals, I was still a bit blurry from the previous day’s hectic activities. After breakfast, we headed to one of the campus’ field, with our instruments for the day’s practice. The sun in Thailand was rather unforgiving, and at 9am, the sun felt like it was already 11am in Malaysia. Some members couldn’t take the heat and had to pull out from the practice to get some shade. Luckily, we manage to finish 1 run-through along with a brief rehearsal on the march-in and march-out. By late morning, we were done with most of our practices and headed back to the hostel for some well-deserved rest. Members were given free-time from here onwards until 2pm. Some of them took the opportunity to explore the shopping complex right beside our place while the others chose to take a rest. By 2pm, most of the members retired back to their rooms to rest for the coming competition during the late evening.

At 4pm, some of the percussionist were up at the request of our Thai friends to do some tuning and final clean-up of our movements, and by 5pm, most of the members were already in their jumpsuits. Final warm-ups were done and by 6pm, we headed towards the national stadium. Many members were anxious as it was their first time competing in foreign land, I myself was doubtful whether we could live up to expectations from NATCOMP. After marching into the stadium, we did our brief and final warm-up while our staff team (the Thai friends to be exact, big thanks to them) quickly and efficiently set up our yard line marks and numberings. The competition field was in very good condition, and the marks were large and visibly accurate in measurement, so despite being the first time we stepped into the field for competition purposes, we manage to adapt quickly.

10 minutes, just like in NATCOMP, went as quickly as it came. We ended our show with a roaring cheer from the crowd, a sign which left me comforted, despite having nearly no supporters from Malaysia, we still grabbed the Thai audiences’ attention. Being the last team to perform, we marched to back of the stadium to join the other bands that just entered. Next, each band was to play an encore piece, and songs ranging from pop to ballad started coming out from other bands, so without fail we played our favourite march, “Pentland Hills”.

Right after that, Music Judge of the competition Mr John Fox had the honour to announce the results. 4th placing went to Blue Sky Regiment with a score of 70.75, 3rd placing went to Drum Corps Indonesia with a score of 71.88. The following moment left us breathless, we knew we weren’t a match with North-eastern Technology, but nevertheless, the score left us at the edge of our toes. 88.13 was announced, followed by our band’s name. A moment of shock followed by excitement came to me, as I nearly became deaf to the 1st place announcement, which went to North-eastern Technology, scoring 91.50.

Many of us expected nothing more than 85, obviously this was a big morale booster. To top up much of my excitement, while walking back to the hostel, I had the opportunity to meet a local former Cavaliers marimbist, whom performed in 2007. On the way, I found out much to my surprise it was only around 8:30pm because back in Malaysia, most competitions end around near midnight. Packet dinner was quickly served to the members, and given the time left, seniors and alumni held a brief post-mortem of the day with some of the Thai friends. By 10:30pm, most of us retired to bed to prepare for the big finale tomorrow.

5th September
I jumped out of bed the moment the my phone rang. Being the final day of competition, and not to mention a highly motivational score last night, I was definitely pumped-up to do my best today. Practices went on like yesterday, taking up most of our morning. After sectionals and warm-ups, we did a ensemble run-through. Finally by the late part of the morning, we did our last drill run-through, likely the last for this marching season too.

After having lunch, members as usual were requested to rest and charge up for tonight’s finals. Having heard that the judge comments of last night’s show arrived, I quickly seize the opportunity to listen. Many constructive critism were given and I quickly shared it with my fellow percussionist on what minor changes should be done. And indeed, without the judges’ comments, I believe we couldn’t have reached where did later this evening.

At 4pm, members woke up in preparation once again to appear on field. And by 5pm, most members were already in their jumpsuit. While we did some final instrument-tuning, the North-eastern Technology brass line did their visual-basic practices in front of our hostel, which was quite interesting to watch and at the same time an eye opener. Being told a few days ago by our liaison officers that most Thai bands have their practices from dawn till dusk, I can’t help but feel somewhat regrettable, since I actually complained about long practice hours before, but when compared to this guys, our practice times meant nothing to them.

We had one last ensemble run-through before heading out to the National Stadium. While waiting outside for our turn, many well wishers came to give us one pat at the back. And by 6pm, our liaison officers asked to prepare to march in.

Like yesterday, we had our brief warm-up while the Thai friends went on to set up. After that, we stood in place, waiting for further instructions.

‘Nan Hwa Drum & Bugle Corps, you make Malaysia proud. You may take the field for competition.’ Yeah, we were ready to make Malaysia proud, and with the salute of our drum major, we took our place for competition. As our perseverance in our dream through this 9 months poured into that night’s performance, that 10 minutes worth was all it took to seal the Prince of Egypt forever in my mind. Exiting the stadium that night felt so different from any other exits I ever made in the past, it was a bittersweet feeling.

Right after us to perform was the North-eastern Technology Drum & Bugle corps. Catching a glimpse of their show before fully exiting the stadium was already rather breath-taking, I could imagine if I stayed through the whole show live. Waiting outside the stadium was quite a different feeling, a feeling of anxiety and yearning to know our results as soon as possible. Several members succumbed to the pressure and actually passed-out. With all this tension, we entered the stadium nevertheless to await the announcement.

While waiting for the results, we had a very refreshing performance from a university band, so unlike our local performance I dare say, which usually would be a mass group dance performance. 1st song by them was a lovely ballad, followed by a very pumped-up rendition of the famed “Malaguena”, to which most of us enjoyed and got very pumped-up as well.And soon, the grand unveiling. We were literally on our toes when they moved on with the results. Taking 4th placing with a score of 73.19 was the Blue Sky Regiment, while 3rd placing with a score of 75.44 went to Drum Corps Indonesia.

And soon, we had our ears up, anticipating the moment. Coming up with a score of 91.19, Nan Hwa grabbed 2nd place as expected (You just can’t beat people who practice from 8am to 12am). What had us thrilled was how close our score margin was with North-eastern Technology, who scored 92.81, a 1.62 difference.

Among the cheers and shouts, fireworks once again roared across the stadium while the university band soon played “Auld Lang Syne” to follow. The scene had me almost in tears as many members started to break away from the line to shake hands with the neighbouring bands around us. Soon, everyone was running around to meet up with members from other bands. Pictures were taken as the judges too joined in the celebration. Blue Sky Regiment members didn’t even seem to care about their score and quickly run from one end of the stadium to the other just to meet up with members from different bands and to take pictures. Drum Corps Indonesia also didn’t mind much and tried to socialise amidst some communication breakdown. The bands from junior category didn’t shy away from the spotlight too and quickly join in the cheers. So it goes without saying that the champion of the night were already hysterical and at their peak of celebrations. The whole night saw all smiles and tears from laughter, not sadness. Soon after, each and every band exited the stadium in a fanfare of songs, and Nan Hwa once again ditched out their song for all occasions, “Pentland Hills” to march out in jubilee,Accompanied by the clap and cheers of the supporters they earned in Thailand.

Heading back to our hostel, I couldn’t help but feel a drop of tear roll down my cheek. We did it.

6th September
We went for the Pattaya one day trip in the early morning and it was an eye opener trip for us, learnt a lot about Thai cultures.

7th September
The day for us to leave this amazing country has come. After our buffet lunch at 12pm, members went to the train station to prepare their day-long journey back to Malaysia. The train batch left at around 2pm while the remaining from the bus batch left at 4pm.

Comments after all that:
Indeed, as our band director Mr. Tan mentioned, this competition ended with all winners and no losers. To have my journey with the band end in this grand undertaking, I can say I am definitely more than satisfied with the tremendous experience Nan Hwa Band had given me.

On behalf of all the members, I say a big thank-you to the many alumni who sacrifice much of their time just to be with us, to Mr. Tan who never hesitate to lend us his wisdom, to Mr Chang the teacher-advisor for organizing much of the band’s lodgings, to Ah Boon who helped coordinate and teaching much of this year’s show, to Junt and his team for giving us many vital lessons on musicianship, to all my band mates who made this experience all the more worthwhile, and to the organizers of the event for making it a huge success. Thailand, the land of smiles, indeed I left with a smile all the way :).

In conjunction to writing with Justin’s review
this is a report of TIMBC through the eyes of a participant

Aging-out with the Prince of Egypt 1

2010-09-12T11:39:00.002+08:00

How on Earth did I ended up being involved with TIMBC?

Here’s how:

Exiting Stadium Melawati 2 months ago, I felt satisfied about my performance yet unfulfilled in something, there was this yearning to put our show up onto the stage once more. Many members voiced out their desire to have a shot at the MWBC 2010, but our form 3 students were too near the PMR trials, so our instructor did not approve of the trip. I was preparing to call it our final year with the rest of my fellow age-out band mates after our instructor’s decision.

Then came the letter of invitation from the organizers of TIMBC. The dates were perfect, a week after our SPM trials, giving opportunity for practices, and with our own instructor and headmaster’s enthusiasm toward the competition, we were soon planning and preparing for competition. The irony of the situation was that many of us form 5 members did joke about the impossibility of being involved with this competition early this year when we were first informed about it.

And when the waves of exam trials were over, we sped up to polish our show, and to switch to the yard system which was standard in Thailand. Many things had to be done, passports were one them.

1st of September came very soon, as I recall being on the bus to Hatyai by noon. Playing tenor drums this year, I took the bus for the convenience of my instrument, along with the tubist and other heavy instrument players, unlike most of the other members who were taking the train from Butterworth to Bangkok.

The competition:

2nd September
Arriving at Bangkok the following day at around 9am local time, we transverse through the heavy traffic until we reached the Bangkok's Sports and Tourism University at around 10am, where our hostel was located. The stadium we were to compete in was only 5 minutes walking distance from our hostel, and not to mention there was a shopping mall, also walking distance, to the right side of our hostel. All this were my impression of the perfect location, we even had mini convenience-store at the ground floor of our hostel. So given the mental assurance that I had a good place to stay in, I was definitely prepared physically.

The remaining 2 buses arrived around noon, as we rejoin many of our members and helped them unload. Practices were scarce, we had one right after our arrival, but many members were worn down by the travelling, so it wasn’t such a pleasant practice the 1st day, and it lasted only for 1 hour. Percussionist though had no choice, we stayed back to clean-up our drum battle routines, as it was happening the next day.

3rd September
Drum battle, an event I will surely re-tell my juniors in the future. Many of the younger members did not have a clue what it takes to face drummers from other places (I mean those really good ones). Having heard that we were up against a Thai drumline was enough to confirm my prediction that we were likely to be kicked out the 1st round we performed. And indeed, when we finally faced them, Surasak Montree, I couldn’t help but laugh at our own futile attempt to outclass them, just as they imitate nearly all our best moves, and actually doing it several times better, but I was also very happy to witness such an amazing battery team competing against us.

Following that event, we headed back to the hostel to join the rest of the band in preparation for the street parade. On the way to our starting point of the parade, we got the chance to see many other bands, namely the junior bands, in a multitude of uniforms, even seeing one dressed like the Cavaliers Drum and Bugle Corps, which was pretty amusing, seeing how crazy some teams are over the DCI circuit.

Somewhere around 2-3pm, we started off our parade around the heart of Bangkok. Touring around this parts of town was rather enjoyable, given the shade we were under along with the scenes of everyday life on the streets. But the 1.5km journey proved to be a taxing experience to many members, where several of them succumb to fatigue during the end of our parade. We stopped in front of the National Stadium waiting for the official time of the opening ceremony to come, and during that time, many of us took the time to recuperate.

The opening ceremony itself was a rather entertaining one. No pop singers, no big group dancers, it was all about the bands, rather unlike our local competition dare I say? The speeches were given out to which unfortunately many of us out of Thailand fail to understand. Nevertheless, we could tell the enthusiasm of the VIPs towards this event. After the singing of the Thai Anthem, fireworks roared across the stadium, revealing a giant welcome banner. As one of the percussion groups, we were pulled out of the march-pass towards the edge of the stadium as to continue with the event of drum battle demonstration in front of the VIPs. 1 representative from each country came to the back of the stadium to prepare for the show. While waiting, we were pleasantly surprise by the appearance of 2 tubist from our band on the big stadium screen, we apparently had won 2nd runner-up for the street parade! After the awarding ceremony, it was our turn to perform.

At the end of the day, we all worn out and tired, but it was definitely a day to remember. After showering and cleaning up, we prepared for the Welcoming dinner.

To be continued

Going International.

2010-08-28T23:25:00.002+08:00

3 days before we head out for The Land of Smiles. Nan Hwa Marching Band, after 5 years, will finally go beyond Malaysian shores again.

1st TIMBC, apparently won't be as grand as I perceived, a rather poor participation response, total of 4 bands competing in division 1, a bit of a disappointment. YET, the drum battle can attract 14 teams!!!

Anyway, I'm seriously not going to Thailand with any intent on winning it hard like I did in NATCOMP. I will however treat it as one big performance, my definite last to be exact, and in addition, to have a bit more fun in my final years of dependence before heading out to reality.

Progressions so far isn't to my satisfaction, but I can hope more than this.

Hopes to make it memorable? At least a flat butt will remind me of that. 24 hours + on the bus, good luck to me.

The last stand.

2010-08-15T00:09:00.002+08:00

"Well if it ain't hurt, it ain't real"

SPM trials, it hurts badly. Yet why am I still here playing Left4Dead 2? I guess you could say I'm somewhat hook to it. But playing for 2 hours with over 3000+ zombies (infected, undead, what ever you call them) brains flying all over my monitor screen... Well, I guess you can call it guilty pleasure.

I know very well that after Monday, time's gonna sprint his ass off before I could do anything. We all gonna need to meet up with our future somehow, it's just bout' doing the right thing and not regret.

Pardon my sudden southern accent writting style. Been playing too L4D...

And then we move to band, what blog update from me this days doesn't include band? Well, to say the least, drum battle is around 50% done, good thing we've manage to have 3 solid show ideas, now only part 4 is left clueless, and the remaining 3 parts need a clean-up job.

What happen this morning? I became a piano-playing light bulb. Knocked into 2 lovebirds behind the hall. Man they got some serious stamina, staying back for nearly 3 hours after practice time to talk about so and so and so (Cola tin-can??)... Well, my apologies to you love birds, guess I couldn't resist the urge to play the piano, not to mention horribly, truly sorry y'all (Oh my, L4D accent again...)

And so, the last stand is here. I'm just greatly thankful that my mum said this, 'Son, I've known you long enough to tell that you are troubling between band and trials. And I know you can never concentrate when you have to worry about both. Might as well do your best in Thailand son, I know your focusing capacity, so might as well pick your passion since you're going to represent Malaysia, just promise me you'll do better during the real thing (SPM)'...

Love you lot's mum!

Well, like I said, this is our final stand, not too soon, I'll be in tunic 1 again, receiving my merit award for 5 years worth of service to the school band. Sweetness~

And so to conclude: Good faith in you all my brethren, do well in SPM, PMR and finals.

PS. I got inspiration to write this way after reading Rachel's blog, a bit more spontaneous with more reference to real life, well I guess I should give some credit to her.

Unto myself I'll say.

2010-08-03T21:35:00.002+08:00

That upon my act of laze and lack of effort, why thus my laziness?

Seriously, I know I am worried, afraid, stressed about form 5, a very critical year, and definitely not the 1st time I mention this.

Why... Why... WHY is it so hard to be determined... I admire my father's willpower. If only I inherited that instead of flatulence...

Music is my goal, but I have too many other commitments... Maybe science stream was a mistake? But then again, if I make it through, a stronger me will move forward...

Gloom, torment, headaches, mood swings... It's not menstrual cycle, it's SPM...

We will make it through.

2010-07-27T20:46:00.005+08:00

Right now, there I am. Despite us been so unlucky for the past 2 years, at the same time we are seemingly lucky in certain aspects. The decision to go to Bangkok was that of a surprise, one of the most unexpected things I've ever encountered for some time.

2 weeks worth of unrest, finally settle last Sunday, with a smile on everybody's face, that moment was priceless. Will we finally live up to teamwork? I hope so.

In this coming few days, much to be cheerful indeed. Pressure on the band isn't that much yet although pressure on the exams are peaking.

With much delight, all the same I feel depressed. Feelings always in the mix. Bangkok, here we come.

Personal timetable for 25/7 until 7/9.

2010-07-25T20:29:00.002+08:00

Mondays - Chemistry, Biology.

Tuesdays - Add. Maths, General Maths.

Wednesday - Physics.

Thursday - Music.

Friday - Add. Maths.

Saturday and Sunday - Chemistry, Biology, Physics.

If there were a word to describe now.

2010-07-21T21:28:00.002+08:00

I feel depressed. No, more than depress. Yet not suicidal...

No mood, no spirit, no nothing!

Wanna go competition in Johor? Easy to say. No spirit!

Haiz...

No mood.

NATCOMP 2010, the story ends.

2010-07-19T15:48:00.008+08:00

The Prince of Egypt is really a very significant achievement for me personally. I feel honoured to be part of the planning of this show. So you can understand my feelings when we finally get to show our theme in the NATCOMP 2010, that sense of achievement.

14th of July, we headed to Shah Alam, our final battlefield. Details of our performance? Watch the videos. I'm more keen on sharing the hotel moments, seriously XD.

Going as a form 5 this year, I got a few juniors under me in the room (Except Jenson, who is my senior). No serious alubuh-ing this time, except for one (we all know who is it). After checking in one of the best hotels NHMB has ever stayed before, "Prescott Hotel", we went shopping at Jusco, manage bond with the younger members, such a nice feeling.

Then that night, me, Ben, Edwil, Diwen and Jenson chatted till 3am... But seriously, we talked about band stuff, its future, past, customs, everything. Got to know Diwen a lot better that night. And thinking back about the past, I really can't help but to feel a sense of achievement...

Remember 2 years back I'm still complaining your wrong footsteps with cymbal, now you can play a lot of hard stuffs like double roll or flam in tenor, march in the whole show without even a step wrong, you grown a lot in these 2 years. - Ah Boon

And so, 15th of July, "The Prince of Egypt” was ready to take the floor for competition. After some final words of encouragement from the staffs, we held our head high while marching into the stadium preparing to put up a show worth the blood and sweat we sacrificed for. 3 months of planning, 7 months of training, RM30,000 worth of investment, gone as fast as it came, that spur of 10 minutes worth was gone, but not before being immortalized by us into sweet memories. It was an overwhelming moment of achievement, and the rest that happened after that was history.

Indeed, as I said, I did my best, we did our best. 5 years of laughing, crying, breaking down and rising up with the band will always remain in my head. There can be miracles, when you believe. Indeed, the miracle happened, not in the results nor in the show, but in the process. The band polished me as a person to shine, and I look forward to the day where I can be one of the polishers to make Nan Hwa Band shine once more.

-Thanks for all the cooperation, you guys did great. Greatest senior batch in my 5 years of teaching! -Ah Boon

Form 5, it was a great journey with you all, and I'm looking forward to life-long friendship with all of you.

Egypt Ending.

2010-07-17T23:13:00.003+08:00

I remembered 1 year exactly from now. The early stages of Prince of Egypt theme was in the works for us. That faithful night where we caught a glimpse of that powerful song "Deliver Us".

Soon we discovered a masterpiece of a movie score. Prince of Egypt begin to take shape in the course of the next 3 months.

And then it was cruel sun and hot practices for 7 months.

All ended last week... Indeed, it was a journey of faith and fellowship.

I thank Nan Hwa Band for giving me such an opportunity.

5 things, 5 days 2010.

2010-07-10T11:32:00.002+08:00

A continuation from last year's post, at this very moment I too have 5 things I want to achieve in this short span of 5 days, which is before the National Band Competition 2010.

1) I want to be able to mark-time whenever we play standstill without ending up marking on the wrong foot.

2) I want to do the warm-ups as if they were child's play, I do not want to make any mistakes during the warm-up songs by the time of competition.

3) I want to make sure that I will march with proper footwork, not by the competition, but from today onwards.

4) I want to march through the drill without a single mistake, especially static.

5) I want to rock the Stadium Melwati, Shah Alam to its very foundation, but this can only be achieved by teamwork, and so I want to dream that we can achieve it, the full form of ENERGY~SPIRIT~TEAMWORK!!!

Tender dream... Let me be free.

2010-07-08T20:58:00.003+08:00

It was a dream, that somehow I can re-live the fondest memory I had back in 2008. I believe all band members from that period are yearning to re-live the memory.

But I dreamed a dream last night. Suddenly, it hit me like a speeding train. No dream will ever repeat itself. I was in denial! I didn't wanted to miss away that sweet memory like that! 2008 was too good.

But now, I hath think thoroughly. I have to accept it, I can never have the chance to experience what I experienced back 2 years ago...

Nevertheless, that doesn't mean I can't make a better and brighter memory for myself this year. Optimism aside, I just wanna post myself a reminder that I shouldn't get caught up in my dreams to a point where I become a slave of my dreams.

Needless to say, so should all the rest of you band members who read my blog about the importance of leaving the past where it ought to be. Look toward the future, and aim for the highest.

Things yet to happen.

2010-07-06T21:23:00.002+08:00

79.30

Wow... Shocking. But I will just wait and see.

A lot has happen. But of all I am most proud of is our progress. It has been good this few days. I hope we can achieve the peak soon.

But sadly, conflict is still abundant. All I can say is neutral is best.

And finally, always remember: Music for friendship.

Don't give in, don't give up.

2010-07-04T21:10:00.003+08:00

Essentials for final week: Concentration. I need to focus, tune in and eradicate any remaining tweaks and incompetence.

Yet, I just can't get rid that small hint of insecurity... Well, let fate decide.

Do your best bandsmen! All is too much left to do, so improve!

Deliver us~ to the promised land~

Last day of June.

2010-06-30T21:19:00.003+08:00

It's scary how fast time pass. It was as if yesterday was New Year...

SPM is nearing. I can't help but feel barely ready for the exam.

Deliver us! From this wait alone I am already tormented...

Read somewhere that human will be extinct in 100 years time. There never was a "The end of the World", rather, it always was "End of human beings".

Things to look forward to? The end of all torments, the start for enlightenment.

Pre-NATCOMP finals notes.

2010-06-28T21:19:00.004+08:00

First, I would like to state my greatest hopes to have the opportunity to perform my last time in the marching band scene in the coming NATCOMP finals.

I've been dreaming many restless nights, with no proof anyone could hear. But I can tell you, I find myself my biggest obstacle, biggest blockade, biggest enemy.

I must remember to set a standard in my own performances. Dynamics is key - Remind myself the difference, impact and release. I also need to control my stick height.

Attitude - Looks that kill. I need to watch my own actions, especially in front of my juniors. I seek to improve them through improving myself.

Target - It's a learning experience. Scores and marks can knock a man down, but why bother? Hakuna matata! No worries. I need only worry about my improvement.

So put simple, it's the journey that counts! I should remember too to inspire my fellow juniors to enjoy themselves. We have gotten way too competitive in the past. Time to bring back the old spirit of showmanship - Our greatest joy and pride is not in the results, but in the people watching, have they accepted us as trying our best to bring them a show to enjoy?

I sit here writting as I listen to my heart... You will when you believe. Our spirit is low, despite this year's show being a high spirited one. Spirit needs cultivation, so mentally, I'll start sowing the seeds to my own spirit.

And thus, I stand at the brink of this post. Let this be the final reminder:

If you aren't having fun, then you ain't doing it right - Scott Johnson

Always remember, it boils down to you really enjoying the experience, savouring the moment. Then only can you call it sweet memories~ No point remembering abuse XD.

NATCOMP prelim.

2010-06-25T15:21:00.001+08:00

Nightmare over...

Everyone was scared...

All was tense...

We were all afraid of screwing up...

But we made through...

Now we need to keep on believing.

Aim for the better in finals!

I... Need... CONFIDENCE!

2010-06-22T20:43:00.003+08:00

2 days left before the day we compete... But I just don't feel like I did last year... My confidence is wearing away... I just wanna sit in a room and cry all my frustrations...

But then, I can think positively...

Quoted from Wei Yew: The biggest enemy we face is ourselves.

Yes, I am my own problem.

Gonna practice myself till I can perfect most everything.

Energy~Spirit~Teamwork~!

Everlasting, Surreal, Timeless.

2010-06-18T14:01:00.003+08:00

Energy, Spirit, Teamwork. This are the 3 things we find essential through years past.

Each word has a meaning behind it, it has a symbolism that characterises an attitude we must have as a member in the band.

Energy represents all the energy as a whole band we can give out and make together to put up a show.

Spirit represents all the member's spirit to thrive in excellence, to perfect themselves in ways of morale and attitude, skills and prowess.

Teamwork represents the want of working together as a team, to enjoy fellowship with members, to help each other. Old and young discovering things and learning, to have experiences as a whole, and to enjoy everything together.

It was never about winning others, but it ha always been giving oneself opportunity to learn, be a better person, be a better performer, better teacher, better musician, nothing more, nothing less.

This will mark my last year, and possibly my last performance on the 25th of June. And I will say, as the tittle says, an everlasting, surreal and timeless journey of mine in this band, with regrets, but also with fruitful learning experiences, and friendships that last, I pray.

Coins, it has 2 sides, remember.

2010-06-17T16:16:00.003+08:00

You feel betrayed, you can feel betrayed... You feel lied upon, you feel like the you are really willingly right. You feel, that in this world, right is right and so fourth right.

But sadly, you are in a world of betrayals. You are in a world of lies, what can you expect.

Not to mention you live in a world of hate.

This is where, as in all, ignorance is best.

If you can ignore, forgive and thus let love come in, you strive...

I pray for you out of stupor. But all the same, I pray for me to understand more about you as well.

Band Camp form 5.

2010-06-13T22:09:00.003+08:00

Yes, end of band camp, much to talk about really. And so when was the last time we had our band camp? 2 years ago.

And it began, the morning, usual practices, and a full run-through with that. And soon, lunch.

Next comes the fun part - telematch... But 1st, let me introduce you to the team I was thrown into: 88888, I'm lovin' it, group 8: Members were:
1) Me
2) Siew Loo
3) Li Ying
4) Jin Chen
5) Choo Siew
6) Yang Sern
7) Jessica
8) Forgot who already...

And so, we head out, and got tortured by all our ex-members as always

And soon it was viewing of Prince of Egypt. I wonder how many people actually watched, enjoyed and understand everything the movie showed...

And so nightfall, it was BBQ, and after all that, the mess... clean up...

And then night patrol. Jia Xun went nuts for 3 hours, circulation the hall non-stop...

And the best part is, a lot of them could actually stay up for the whole night without sleeping... I was already near blackout during 3:30am...

And so, thus, here another band camp over. Here we come competition, no jokes.

Always with me.

2010-06-10T22:16:00.003+08:00

We're reaching the end of, the intensive training camp we all anticipated. All that has been done, all that has passed, will always be with me in memory.

That can be said to the past memories of my childhood, my teen hood, the band life, school life, family life, I can say, it will all stay with me in memory, always with me.

Such joy in this, that I can keep and treasure all this moments... It has been a long way, a long journey, that I had taken, and as I write this, I am standing at the brink of one chapter of my life, so let me savour every last drop of this sands of time.

And all in all, my greatest wish and joys is for that of my juniors to feel it the same way as I do. Let it be this, the legacy, the memory, the namesake, let it be always with me.

Distress, De-stress - Band and beyond.

2010-06-07T21:33:00.002+08:00

Yeah, I thought it would be great and all, band practice.

Not, not so much so. As I saw today myself, end of the 1st day...

Stress, burden, conflict, misunderstanding and all... I wished it were all cleared.

I only can say this to you Jia Xun, if you're reading. I said it once, I'll say it again. In what you are in now, your hatred towards "him" is so great, it's affecting your thinking. You're letting too much of your EQ overcome you. I know it's hard, but life isn't simple, everything is complicated. What has happened is not solely because of one or two individuals, but a myriad of reasons, so all I can say is, sit down, clear your thoughts, really think about all the factors and about yourself. Throwing yourself in to such influx for the sake of "him"? You sure it's worth it? I don't know, you be the judge.

The things I have to face? I hope it will be improvement that I face. But today? There is improvement no doubt, but there were also mistakes that weren't meant to happen. My steps are deteriorating... I wish to overcome that as soon as I can.

So what can I hope tomorrow? More improvement.

End of mid-year exams 2010.

2010-06-04T13:05:00.003+08:00

And with much to celebrate the holidays, I will say, it is time for much needed relaxation. And relaxation to me lies in band.

It's nearly time for me to do what I had promised myself to do, the Carol of the Bells is ringing...

Nevertheless, gearing up for band, that's what's on my mind right now. It's all about the competition that is to come. Bad choice? I gonna give my all this year, and have since made a choice, up until the competition ends, I will give my best every time.

People will be talking about "Hey, it's holidays, lighten up!@#". No man, no lightening up man, it's no more I.D.I.O.T. , Let it be known henceforth: Increased Marching Band Effective Concentration Intensity Lifting Exercise, "I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E." in hopes to increase the concept of a perfect marching band, of that of "One band, One sound".

We will go on and improve, and it is my hopes that before I leave this band, I will be part of the redemption.

And so, it begins, I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E. begins...

Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 3.

2010-05-31T21:18:00.002+08:00

The closing chapter of the trilogy in my past. Basically it's just two years back, not too hard to recall.

And so I entered morning session. Waking up at 6:20am due excitement to get back to school. Year 2008 would mark much of my change in attitude, thinking and appearance. I daresay I learnt a lot of valuable lessons back then.

Friendships endure through trials and triumphs, let that statement be true in the future. I had the blessing of strengthening bonds with my pals, along with getting to know a lot more people. School life was blissful. It was PMR that year, yet we felt no pressure. I miss that.

Band life was at its peak. It was my 1st year I competed, a year after Nan Hwa Band remained silent and inactive. I was naive then, thinking that band was a bed of roses, which I will come to realise soon that it is not. Nevertheless, I was in a lucky year. Despite all the form 5's fears that year, along with many of those ex-members, we manage to grab back the title of Perak champion and go on to the national level. Even beyond national level, we went on to international level. What a year, all those experience.

All those smiles and laughter, sweat and tears, even blood. I remembered the time where we form 3 boys went out together for a hair-cut, and soon we were all botak, all that sacrifice in the name of band.

And in school we had an equal amount of crazy things to talk about. I remembered the few weeks before PMR, while those few kiasu people skipped school, we relaxing kakis always came up with crazy games to play since the teachers weren't teaching.

The it came, the end of PMR, where it also mark the departure of our dear friend Jien Win to leave to Australia... Not forgetting he manage to have his passing out... And soon 2009.

Which goes on with the immense pressure of form 4, although it gave me hell academically, it also gave me a haven in friends. Going on with 4SA, I was blessed with 5 classmates from 2008 to be with, that is Jia Xun, Hong Leong, Lianne, Shin Yun and Teck Hooi. Haha, the time of the life we had in form 4, especially Lianne and Shin Yun, always doing crazy stuff.

And band life goes without saying, the start of which is a year I learnt a lot about defeat and failure, and how to cope with it. But let's not forget the wonderful Valentines Day concert, which we can all think back, smile and give a pat behind our back.

And then competition. We got 3rd placing. So what? I ask myself nowadays. But it wasn't like that back then. I was hot and quick to judge, and said a few things I shouldn't have said, but what's done is done, so no point looking back. I learnt the importance of self victory as the real victory that year. And I can say, I was as happy as I can be that night eventually when I realised, we defeated ourselves. And it is true to the saying, arrogance is a man's downfall. Let it be the lesson not just for us, but also for all. And not all is lost, last year's passing out was really a highlight.

And thus, time flies... Right now, I write this post as a form 5 already in the middle of the year. SPM is near, many things are near. Alas, all I can do is pray.

Thus marks the end of my 3 part flashback. And so, I hope you aren't bored to death yet, but I find this post more personal than public, so if you don't understand, it's normal.

Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 2.

2010-05-30T19:55:00.002+08:00

Part 2 of this trilogy to begin with, is actually a very crucial part of my life.

Upper primary. I usually won't be so detailed in that part of my life, but here's the story: My father retired from his company of which he worked a good 30 years because of old-age. Thankfully, he got a job offer from a relative to work in Kangar, Perlis, the very tip of the northern region.

It was a bittersweet move. I was happy I can finally detach from Urban lifestyle. I was going back to nature. Truly the journey to Kangar was one where I gained back my confidence. There, I got good grades (The standard there is low no doubt), had many friends, learned many important things in life. The air was fresh, the waters clean, the mountains so green, it really was like the serene island of Robinson Crusoe.

I will not forget the day where during music lesson, our teacher taught us the song "I have a dream". Truly, after I sang my heart's content, I finally had a dream. I suddenly felt firm grip in my life, a feeling of content and target. It was there I discovered me as who I am.

Then it came to the part where we had to leave again, because of my father's job. It was Ayer Tawar this time. There, I learned basically all about street-wise skills. The neighbourhood isn't exactly friendly, but you'd learn to come by.

There was the time where I had female tendencies. Back there, all the boys were the tough type (or at least in the class I was in). I was again in some way an outcast sometimes. What to do? Mix with the girls. Well, still it's a lesson there I learned

And then comes Nan Hwa, form 1, moved to Sitiawan due to convenience. It was here I met friends, friends that I hope will stay until I die. The 1st day I entered that class, I can frank at this, but I straight away fell for Shin Yun (pardon me, I just had to write this...). And so? Still with my girl-mixing tendencies, we chatted, payed a bit of paper games, bla bla...

And soon, I came to meet Jien Win, our dear friend who now is in Australia. Through him I finally got rid of my "niang" tendencies and mixed with the boys (Finally...). During that time, I also befriended Hong Leong, then timid and soft-spoken, unlike now, boasting a strong confidence and never failing to smile. Jia Xun? We still were aliens to each other. Teck Hooi, good friend too. Lianne? Who's that monkey there at the corner? XD So many others...

We had laughs, joys and everything. I still remember the time we painted the front wall of our classroom. I painted the Saxophone XD, yeah, it was band class. Speaking of which, in band, I too got to know Hai Teng, David, Hing Hock and Swee Kai. Trumpet rulez~ Until I switched to percussion T_T...

Form 2? Had the same amount of fun. Got the opportunity to know more of them classmates. By then I got to know more of the girls which I sort of shy away eventually during the 1st year. And there was Basil and Leon, we 3 the English speaking musketeers in class (Wait, there's still Jien Win...). Yup, those were the days... No pressure, only fun. Got to know Jia Xun a bit by then, and also a lot of other band mates.

That was the crucial part of my life, and it will continue with my maturing in the final instalment of this journey to my past trilogy: Morning secondary up till the recent past.

Disclaimer: Sources come solely from my mind and thoughts, so accuracy is not at the very least reliable. But still, it's a recount.

Flipping through my mind's recordings: Journey to the past - part 1.

2010-05-29T20:14:00.004+08:00

It was a blissful morning that came, my 1st day in primary school. It was there, I learn: Nothing... 1st day of school also want to study ah? Goodness me! But education will become the one thing I'll dread from that day onward...

It wasn't a pleasant school life for me during the first 4 years in primary. Think of the life in depression and books, nothing much to look forward to, dead. After school, mum will usually take me to lunch, then back home? Homework, piles of them. Don't do em'? Get canned by teacher. But I somehow always get canned anyway. Then there are the weekends, where mum will bring me to do the weekly shopping in one of the local malls. Yeah. that's KL lifestyle.

Out-of-school activities? I joined Self-defense at one point. Art classes too. Why I didn't pick music? Didn't had the spark for it that time maybe. I remember going to Sunday school regularly at one point. Those were the good days in my spiritual realization.

In the past, I seem to care very little about exam. Thank goodness I do! If not, I'd be insane now, all that pressure. I miss my ignorance and innocence.

And there is that thinking that everyday is bright and joyful... I still yearn that feeling, longing to live in the past. But then I could not ignore that wise saying, Men who live in the past, will be lost in the future.

Will I forget the gluttony and stupidity I had then? No, I too have to acknowledge that I was once a man full of flaw, and still I am. But nevertheless, being awaken from that stupor is a blessing indeed. Not forgetting that I am somewhat an outcast in my own thinking?

That was primary, quite a blur part of my past. The trilogy to be continued: upper primary and lower secondary part of my life.

Disclaimer: Sources come solely from my mind and thoughts, so accuracy is not at the very least reliable. But still, it's a recount.

Vanity, all is vanity.

2010-05-14T21:02:00.002+08:00

I remember the time where I said to myself, 'Zongxu, you know all too well looks mean nothing to you, go out, be ugly and be proud of it!' Those were the days where my outer appearance mean nothing but dust to me.

Now? I miss that attitude much. Vanity, it floods me sometimes, as I try hard to control myself. The urge to be vain, to look outstanding among all others, normally appears in our teenage years.

I miss not being vain, such innocence gone. Now I look at myself and say, 'You know you ought to look presentable later...' only to shoot back to myself, 'Disgusting vanity, who cares how you look nowadays? Anyway, the people are more interested on how they themselves look, why matter?'

Alas, I miss being un-vain...

Monochromatic Silence.

2010-05-12T21:54:00.002+08:00

Balck and white silence, deafness, blindness...

I feel helpless, moodless, energyless, targetless.

Please... Let the examination period end!!!

ARRGHHH!!!

Maybe may.

2010-05-09T21:16:00.002+08:00

Maybe I'll study, study still I get flying scores.

Maybe I'll do more revisions on music, prepare myself for the greater future.

Maybe I'll concentrate in band trainings, competition's just around the corner.

Maybe I'll focus on relationships, focus more on friends and family.

Whatever it is, all is affect by the addiction of computer, so here I pray, please give me the strength this month to fight all temptation.

Post morterm so far.

2010-05-04T21:32:00.003+08:00

We have hit the peak ladies and gentlemen.

This is Nan Hwa percussion's update:
Playing wise, tempo is still our drawback. Dynamics are still unpleasant, unclear.
Single stroke and double stroke is not pleasing.
Member attitude so far is improving.
Basic marching is our greatest weakness, need to work on that.
Steps must be clear.

So far that's all to say.

Notes for May.

2010-05-02T10:16:00.002+08:00

Life:

Go and be nice,
Learn from mistakes
Accept all praises and consider all criticism
Don't be a pain in the neck
Be a good friend

Studies:

Study everyday a bit from now onwards
Listen as much in class
Get the right study attitude

Band:

Practice to perfection
Guide the younger ones
Achieve the right target
Learn as much as possible

How deep is your Love?

2010-04-26T21:12:00.003+08:00

Oh my, I'm listening to that song again - "How deep is your Love" by the Bee Gees... I'm in love? Infatuation maybe?

How deep is your love,
I really mean to learn,
cause we're living in a world of fools,
breaking us down,
when they all should let us be,
we belong to you and me

Something in this lyrics that reflect me.

And happy days are here again, great things are happening? Qin Wei's getting married! Yay for him.

Not just that, "Someone" got the boot, for good. Whether it's for the better or for the worse, all I can hope for is as long as peace and balance is achieved, then it's for the greater good.

Hmmm... What else I got to say? Carol of Bells is a nice song.

Through the Eye of the Tiger.

2010-04-23T20:45:00.002+08:00

A cool wind swept pass her whiskers as dawn broke. Standing at a healthy one metre, she ruled her turf with a mysterious aura. For many years, her image was a symbol of bravery and courage in countless of cultures, and until now, she bears the pride of any tiger, fearsome and unpredictable.

Her life was never a walk in the park though. Everyday is another hunt for her, and food never comes easy. But today, she can smell easy prey, the smell of blood lingering in the air, a sign of a wounded animal. She could not count on sight, sunlight barely cut through the thick growth of the forest; moreover it was still the break of dawn, so instinct guided her through the wines and groves.

‘The smell’s becoming more intense,’ she thought to herself, as she navigates her way toward her target. And as soon as she felt her prey was within her reach, she slowed her pace and lowered her body. Crawling and breathing heavily, she prepared to pounce on her unsuspecting prey, a mouse deer she thought, or maybe a primate that fell from the trees above.

As she drew closer to inspect, she saw a lifeless body of a boar lying among some leaves, scattered all over the forest floor. The carcass was still fresh, blood oozing out from punctures on its body. ‘Strange, what predator leaves their food unattended?’ She thought to herself. And indeed it is strange; the puncture wounds appeared around the creature’s abdomen, an awkward place for any predator to attack.

Instincts told her that something was amiss, but hunger over-ruled that warning. Her last meal was already two days ago and all she had was a young mouse deer. She moved toward the carcass, opening her incisors ready to tear away its flesh.

SNAP! A snare had bitten into one of her limbs. She let out a cry of agony that had the birds on the trees above flying away in confusion. As she struggled to pry of her limb away from the menacing trap, blood started flowing out of her wound. She had never saw such a strong jaw in the jungle before, as even during fights for habitat, no other tiger had ever manage to bite through her hide.

Minutes pass, and her hopes of escaping diminishes. After each struggle, she could feel the snare bite through her bone, slowly fracturing her limb bit by bit. Pain from the wound triggered something she never felt before. Small droplets of water flowed out of her eyes, tears of pain and fear, something she never thought she would experience.

Suddenly, out of the bushes came a rustling sound. The tigress could hear footsteps heading toward her, so she readied herself to defend against anything or anyone who tries to take advantage of her. Then, out of the bushes sprung two men, both wielding strange silver pipes about a metre long. At that moment she remembered what her mother used to tell her, ‘beware the creature who bares a pipe in hand, he kills all that stand in his way without touching it, all but with a point of his pipe.’

These men were poachers, greedy for the exotic and rare. One of them said, ‘this cat’s a big one, what say you we might be able to sell it for about 10,000 to 20,000 dollars maybe?’ ‘That’s if we get away with it! But the trucks aren’t here yet, we caught it too early,’ replied the other.
‘Well, split her into parts and hide it till they come then!’

She knew not a word they say, but she had a bad feeling. The two men drew closer, and she exclaimed to herself, ‘fools, do they know not what my claw can smite?’ But as she raised her claw to strike, a loud “bang” pierced through the thick growth of the forest. She had been shot at her paw. Another limb wounded, and she continued to cry in agony. She could feel her paw bone shattered into pieces. She was immobilized, and she knew her end was near, but still she was persistent to fight until the end of it all.

One of the men tried to grab her unwounded limb, but with a strong push, she sent the man falling. As she did that, the other man gave her neck a hard blow. With that she was left paralyzed and half unconscious. She then thought to herself, let the pain end, and just kill me. But no, these men were heartless; they wanted her fresh but immobilized, so they did not kill her. One of them then took out a knife, and he slowly drove the sharp edge toward the tigress’ neck and made a deep cut around the neck skin, leaving her screaming in her heart with sheer pain. He then drove his fingers deep into the cut and gave a hard tug, peeling off her hide downward. He was trying to skin the creature alive!

It was torture, inhumane, cold-blooded, even a snake could not stomach this sight. The tigress’ skin being pulled out of her as her trapped limb was pulled at an unbearable pressure. Her body was motionless, but her heart was stressed to a point where any living being would yield and break. As the last bits of her skin came off, all her muscles were bleeding and exposed to the dirt and soil of the ground. The two men then released her from the snare. Soon they both took out parang knives and severed her four limbs. By now, she was near lifeless, but the pain still tormented her.

The two men continued their heartless deed by hooking her up a butcher claw and dragging her skinless body across the rough and muddy jungle floor into their hiding place.

What happens beyond there is unimaginable pain and agony. Soon, the two men removed the organs from the once magnificent creature and hided them around different loading spots around the forest. They even hired some natives to help traffic the parts and pieces of the tigress.

Such horrific things happen on a creature that had to struggle everyday to live. Why should man need such a thing to happen on not just tigers, but many other endangered animals in the wild? We invade their habitat, take their food source, and now we take their lives. Is the pain worth the products that “improve” our already easy life? When the buying stops, the killing can too.

Emotional Quotient.

2010-04-22T21:39:00.002+08:00

My emotion's are dominating my decisions again, overly dependent on feeling my heart rather than thinking rationally.

Yet rationality sometimes is futile... Why my somewhat self-induced misery? Love isn't a game, it's a life commitment! SO no hazardous decisions, I will just remain inactive as I was, I'll let pure fate to take its place without MY intervention.

And then comes worries of studies, time never gives in... But I will do my studies eventually, mark my words yes!

So be such, I will try to do it, give it my best in all.